"What decent girl would let a man stay in her house for £x"

[SleepingBunnies21]

This has been in my head from pre covid when I was using spare room.co.uk and had gotten added to the digs list for our towns theatre; to try to rent out spare room.

Bf (10 years older, I'm mid 30s) said that above when I told him a female enquirer turned out to be wanting to book the room.for a week for her bf, (who was performing in a show in theatre).

We don't live together, I'm on a relatively low salary and was trying to supplement it.

(Incidentally he got the £x wrong because ot was a different rate for a week than as an ongoing lodger, but that's by the by).

Hes a reliable, committed, in some ways kind partner, but this is not the first time he's said something I'd consider tactless and Imo narrow minded.

I'd have told him to find a decent girl and ask her.

He's a misogynistic pig.

Wow what a shitty attitude! He's an utter arse for where that the thought process that generated that remark was going!
I know a couple with adult children who hosted theatre people for years, the richness it brought to their lives was immense their house often had lovely and interesting people in it and they had some memorable Christmases! I think your idea is an excellent way of bringing in a little extra money and I think he is a dick.

So you're not a 'decent' woman then as you've cheapened and sullied yourself by inviting men into your home, and thus are being paraded as a tart by him.

But women who avoid men are spinsters who need a good shag.

So in summary he just hates all women?

He's shown you exactly who he is, there. Make sure you take notice.

My dh is the same age as him and if he was concerned you were taking a risk, he'd say something like 'are you sure the extra money is worth having the risk of someone you don't know in your home'

The annoying colleague is aspinster who needs a good shag!!!

Sorry I couldn't spend another second in his company, the last time I had to be around someone like that it was a tradesman in his fifties who couldn't hack that I knew what I was talking about, he was the only person I could find to do the job or I wouldn't have used him, but every time I needed to discuss the work I couldn't have a straight conversation about technical things and had to phrase everything in terms asking the lines of 'silly female me just wondered if you'd noticed this and hoped you'd have an answer'. In the end I stomached it as long as I could but sacked him before the job was done and finished it myself.

@SleepingBunnies21

Anyway yeah, I find the decent comment very judgemental and quite ridiculous.

Unfortunately this country and the one neighbouring it have a lot of people who think like this, both the main denominations still have a huge grip, and it can be very Conservative. So he'd have reason to believe he's right. Which obviously doesn't make it right.

Where on earth is this, OP?

Carry on with the theatre digs. You don't want to turn down prospective income because of your BF's insecurities.

If it eases your mind, I know someone who has done theatre digs for years and has never, ever felt uncomfortable in her own home.

Without exception every lodger has been polite, respectful and easy going. They know the drill and show times means there's rarely a bathroom clash.

I wouldn't let your "old fashioned " BF dictate what you can and can't do. From what you've said, he needs the boot.

I suppose you'd both have to get more or less fully dressed inbathroom.aftershowering in order not to be running psst people at close quarters clutching towels etc. Maybe those scenarios are what he's partly referring to.

From the other things he has said, my thought is that he wants you to have a female lodger in the expectation that when he visits he will encounter her wandering round in a towel...

Ick. Run.

If he had been concerned about your safety he would have said so. Instead he tried to shame you. People who try to shame you are not healthy partners and do not mean good things for you.

'Old School' he has confused the English language. What he means is misogynist.

And on the basis of those 'needs a shag' comments, you can just make an excuse like 'I feel you are too immature for me'. That is if you don't feel comfortable telling him that he is a sexist pig and that the solution to all womens problems is actually not, his golden dick.

Also, someone used the word 'insecurity' upthread and I just wanted to address that - behaviour designed to shame you does not come from a place if insecurity, it comes from a place of need to control. Even if it was a result of them feeling insecure, that is never an excuse for attempting to shame anyone. If you do ever find yourself thinking 'maybe he is just insecure' as a reaction to someones shitty behaviour- run. Run fast, run far.

He isn’t worried about your safety.

He is suggesting it is dubious morality.

Is he thinking you might be tempted to have sex with your lodgers? Or that people will see different men coming and going (none of their business) and your reputation “ruined” lol? Or he would be tempted by similar?

In answer to his question, which wasn’t a question! A financially responsible woman.

After reading through your original post and then subsequent replies I'd say the real problem here is that your with a misogynistic rude man who has no respect for women and certainly none for you.

A future with this man will be an unhappy one;his behaviour will only get worse.Honestly SleepingBunnies21 you need to unhook this one and throw him back in the sea.

There are nicer men out there.

I guessed NI from the common use of “girl” here. The further description definitely makes me think it is.

Anyway-throw him back, the judgemental twat!

Sounds like he watches too much porn. What an arse.

Old school/traditional just means that women have a place and they should know it. Under him... in more ways than one.

Urgh, throw him back. He thinks he owns you - he's a complete misogynist.

In terms of the risk, there are things I'd be comfortable with and things I wouldn't be comfortable with in my own home, but there's no point me listing them here because you are an adult and perfectly capable of making that judgement call for yourself. See how easy it is to not be a misogynist??

In Norfolk its totally normal for people of all ages to be referred to as girl or boy.

It's also common for men there to be about 20 years behind the curve in respecting women.

It's not hard to guess is it?

@Lovewineandchocs

I guessed NI from the common use of “girl” here. The further description definitely makes me think it is.

I guessed NI!

Ugh. He’s a complete twat.

He’s an idiot OP and deeply insecure— thing is with theatre people they are great lodgers, short term, you know exactly who they are and they know the ropes and expectations having done it many times before. He needs to either butt out or you butt him out

It could just be a poor choice of words but in the wider context it does sound like his old-fashioned views are a tad on the misogynistic side.

Incidentally I think you can have 'old-fashioned' views and not be misogynistic. Personally I like a guy with views most would consider old-fashioned. But I wouldn't accept being told that there was one rule for me in terms of behaviour towards men and another for men towards women.

@bathsh3ba

"ah, spinsters, spinsters are like that, thry need a shag".

Way more than 'a tad on the misogynistic side'!