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Original poster

Tinder/POF

79 replies

androidmatic · 14/08/2021 13:56

Do you state on dating profile on either Tinder or POF that you are actively looking for a long term relationship or does that sound desperate?

I don't personally know anyone who has had a good word to say about online dating.

OP posts:
Original poster
androidmatic · 14/08/2021 14:41

Also meant to add how far would you travel for a date as well. Personally I have no interest in anything long distance.

OP posts:
DiaryofWimpyMumm · 14/08/2021 14:49

I once travelled 40 miles but had been talking to the guy for months as friends and when he invited me through, my dc were away so I just got in the car and drove through.

It was just the once though. I'm on POF but I'm 47 and seem to be younger men looking for older women.

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 14/08/2021 14:51

I wouldn't worry too much about relationship status I'm not sure how seriously they are taken tbh

Original poster
androidmatic · 15/08/2021 17:13

True but just wondered if it sounded desperate if you stated you were "Looking for a long term relationship" on Tinder etc. Also would you state you weren't interested in dating someone who was old enough to be your parent? I'm 38.

OP posts:
Getbehindme · 15/08/2021 17:20

Why hide who you are and what you want though? I thought that was the point? *

  • I'm fresh out of a relationship, dipping toe into OLD and might not have any author here!
Getbehindme · 15/08/2021 17:20

*authority

muffindays · 15/08/2021 17:22

I don't think it sounds desperate to say you're looking for a long term relationship. I would be upfront if you are. I think to put "looking for marriage" looks a bit desperate though!!

TableFlowerss · 15/08/2021 17:27

I think just be honest. If you put you’re looking for a relationship then they can’t start getting funny when you decline a bit of fun.

alexa677 · 15/08/2021 17:28

I use bumble and tinder....

Bumble has a drip down list for you to choose you're preference and I pick "looking for a relationship" - don't think it's desperate at all. Doesn't mean you're about to accept any old thing, you can still be picky and take your time etc

Tinder is free text so I don't say "looking for a relationship" but I do say I'm not interested in one night stands or anything casual

Being honest about what you want can save both sides a lot of time if you're not on the same page

Original poster
androidmatic · 15/08/2021 17:30

Good god not looking to get married lol.

A long term relationship is what I want whether I find it is another matter 🤣

OP posts:
21Bee · 15/08/2021 17:31

I met my husband on tinder/bumble and so have most of my friends (in 20s). You can usually tell who is just on it for something short term pretty quickly.

Original poster
androidmatic · 15/08/2021 17:44

@21Bee That's good that it worked for you. I guess it depends on location a lot of the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
androidmatic · 15/08/2021 17:45

May try Bumble again but don't want to be on too many apps. Two should suffice I hope.

OP posts:
alexa677 · 15/08/2021 19:02

I've tried them all over the last few years. I like bumble & hinge the best. Personally I fond pof far worse than any other in terms of sleaziness

It's such a personal thing tho. Pof guys can message you without marching so you get all sorts of messages from all sorts of people!

Good luck Thanks

Original poster
androidmatic · 15/08/2021 19:30

@alexa677 Thanks. I've never looked at Hinge.

OP posts:
gogohm · 15/08/2021 20:07

I put no one night stands on mine. Dp is currently leaning on my lap. 2 years on

Original poster
androidmatic · 15/08/2021 21:31

@gogohm Did you put an age range on yours? Congratulations on finding your partner. Good to know positive endings do happen via OLD

OP posts:
tortoiselover100 · 15/08/2021 22:11

I met the love of my life on tinder. I didn't say I was looking for a long term relationship, I just said I wanted to have lots of interesting and exciting experiences with someone like minded. It sounded a bit long term but not too heavy.

Original poster
androidmatic · 16/08/2021 16:55

@tortoiselover100 that is good you had some luck then. I don't seriously think online is for me and find it a huge waste of time. I don't like online interaction and it's impossible to know if you will get on in person. I'm not cut out for it. I just feel like giving up and not bothering tbh. Easier being single and less stressful.

OP posts:
seensome · 16/08/2021 17:49

Don't give up yet it may take a few months before you even find someone you want to date, I didn't like Pof as anyone can message you on there and got annoying as I wasn't mutually interested in most of them and some of the men are creeps that are definitely not looking for a relationship.
I was on bumble for two months and only two dates, as I'm picky, the first date went well and nice guy but not for me, the second I've been seeing for a month now and I've come off the app, you never know who will come up so keep an open mind.

seensome · 16/08/2021 17:50

Also I said I wanted a relationship, not desperate, I also said to clarify, looking to date to find a potential relationship so it sounded less pressure. They may as well know your expectations from the start.

Original poster
androidmatic · 16/08/2021 18:58

@seensome you must have lots of patience is all I can say. How far would you travel to meet a complete stranger from the internet on a dating app of you were currently single? Most of the guys I have been messaged by live like 70 miles away. Last thing I want is a long distance relationship and I definitely know it isn't for me. I find the swipe apps good in theory but it's hard to gauge if your a good match. What makes you swipe right generally? I generally only swipe right if we have an interest in the countryside, outdoors lifestyle etc. I am not interested in the partying types or Instagram brigade.

OP posts:
seensome · 16/08/2021 19:18

Yes patience is needed, same here the insta posers, party goers and travellers were off my list too, not what I was looking for. I set my radius to 20 miles although the guy I'm seeing is 40 miles away, ( picked up in my area when he was working) a bit further than I'd like but he was keen to come to my town and make the effort, unless they show a lot of enthusiasm for travelling to meet me I don't go to them.

TheFoundations · 16/08/2021 19:25

What do you want to put? Don't worry so much about 'how you sound'.

If you put the truth, from your perspective, you'll sound like you.

It feels a bit like you're already considering how to hide your true self, in order to get more dates, and you haven't even met someone yet.

Pretending to be something you're not sounds desperate, so if you want a long term relationship, say so. Think about it from the point of view of your future spouse. Are they really going to be a person who will look at your ad and go 'Long term relationship? Bleurgh. No chance!'

TheFoundations · 16/08/2021 19:31

And some people will be happy to have a long distance relationship, some would only be happy to meet someone local, and some in between. How far isn't something that has a rule. There isn't a right or wrong answer. Same with the 'long term relationship thing' too. There are no right answers. Your partner has to match what you want, and you have to be your genuine self. That's all the guidelines there are.

Your questions are a bit like saying 'Should I put that I love axe-throwing on my ad..?' If you do, it'll scare loads of people off, but they're not people who would fall in love with an axe thrower. It's filtering. I mean, really, at this stage, you want to be scaring off as many as you can. You want a really good filter that filters out everybody but your perfect match. Scaring the off the people who you ultimately won't be able to have a good relationship with is a good thing. It'll save you loads of wasted dates and wasted time and gutting relationships that half-work.