Dating - are my expectations too old fashioned?

[alexa677]

So went for a first date on Wednesday night. Had a nice time, no massive initial sparks but he seemed nice and we had loads in common so I thought it would be nice to get to know him.

He text me later that afternoon to say he had a nice time and then later that night asked me out again. I said yes and he asked when suited me so we're going out on Sunday.

I thought him texting the same day after the date and arranging a date the same day for the first day I was free was a good sign but arranging it has been like drawing teeth!

This is the bit I don't know if it's old fashioned....I'm very independent, been single mum a while, got a good career, very self sufficient but when it comes to dating I like the guy to take charge but in my recent experience guys seem to be leaving it more and more to me. I'm not sure if it's lack of interest, laziness, or them trying to make sure they're doing something we want to do......

Today's conversation:

Him: so what do you fancy doing on Sunday?
Me: the weather doesn't look great and I need to be back for DD but we could go for lunch?
Him: sure, where do you fancy?
Me: I don't mind, do you want to stay local (we live very close to each other) or go into the city?
Him: I honestly dont mind
Me: okay, well if we go local xx is nice, or we could make a day of it and go into the city
Him: oh I've heard that place is nice but they don't take bookings
Me: okay, let's go into city. What kind of food do you like?
Him: anything

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I totally understand I'm not being decisive either but is it wrong in 2021 for a guy to say. I'd like to take you out to xx is that ok? Ok, ive booked a table for x time

Or you could have had my experience… invited for dinner, given a choice of restaurants (5). I gave my preference, which he ignored and booked his choice (fine!) which he then changed at the last minute to another of his choices. I shouldn’t have bothered! 🙄

@Genegenieee

If he picked and paid first time, and you are paying this time...surely you pick and book?

Indeed

Your treat, your choice.

I don't think @alexa677 it's about being 'old fashioned' or 'modern' it's more about what floats your boat with a man.
Some women like Alpha men who sweep them off their feet and make lots of decisions. Other women prefer Beta men who are softer and lack the 'edge' of more dominant males.

I can see how you don't like a wishy-washy man who leaves every decision or choice to you. I't s nice to have man who has enthusiasm and suggests nice places to eat, visit etc.

Only time will tell what's going on here with this man.

He may be being very caring and not wanting to take you somewhere you don't fancy, but on the other hand if he's always wanting you to make decisions, that's different.

Give him a chance and decide after more dates!

That's it @MakemeaCake I definitely prefer an alpha male and find wishy-washy men a real turn off!

I'm meeting him for dinner tonight so we'll see how that goes!

I think men can't win most of the time! They take the lead, we complain they're controlling. They defer to us, we complain they're not being manly enough.

He's probably just trying to be considerate. Suggest somewhere and meet him there. As you get to know him better, you'll be able to see if indecision is a character trait or if he's just nervous because he likes you.

You're both saying don't mind what you do which is annoying because both of you will be thinking the same thing, who should be putting the effort in. Take turns of suggesting somewhere to go, men aren't always the best at organising and booking I find but if he's contacting you frequently and offering to pick you up then that is a really good sign.
Sometimes you have to be the teacher, take the lead a little and see if they follow your example.

I wouldn't like this and I date women. He should've at least come up with an alternative to your suggestion when he said they don't take bookings. I struggle with people who don't have a sense of themselves and what they like or don't like.