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Original poster

Do I cancel this date or am I being OTT

92 replies

CallMeNutribullet · 12/08/2021 16:59

First of all my perception is completely skewed so really would appreciate people's thoughts.

I have a second date with a guy tonight, first one went well.
I've been single for 9 years since abusive ex partner and I've decided it's time to meet someone but I have this subconscious thing I'm wrestling with where I constantly see red flags or get the ick with suitable men and I'm attracted to unsuitable men.

I know this is a deep seated issue and I'm about to start counselling.

A couple of times this guy has been a bit overfamilliar but tonight I text him something like "god it's much colder today, im freezing" and he's responded "let's see then" with winky faces.

It's cringe and sleazy and I don't like it, but is this just a bit of an annoying thing or a date cancelling thing? WWYD?

OP posts:
crackofdoom · 12/08/2021 17:02

Erm… depends what you’re looking for. If you’d like to get back into dating with a bit of casual sex, I’d go ahead. If you’re looking at taking it slowly and getting to know someone before getting physical, I’d bin.

Amdone123 · 12/08/2021 17:05

You said he's already been over familiar a couple of times already ? If he's making you uncomfortable ( is he?), then I'd bin him.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 12/08/2021 17:05

If you're feeling uncomfortable and like you want to cancel then you should cancel.
You don't have to have a 'good' reason. Not feeling happy about it is a good reason.

Surprisedpikachu · 12/08/2021 17:05

I’d bin. I’d get the ick from texts like that.

Original poster
CallMeNutribullet · 12/08/2021 17:07

Yeah I'm definitely not thinking about sleeping with the guy yet.

Ultimately I'd like to meet someone and have a relationship. Dating and getting to know each other is fine but trying to make things sexual after one date just leaves me cold.

OP posts:
Whattheschitt · 12/08/2021 17:09

I'd bin him off. I'm getting second hand ick just from reading that.

CheeseyMcCheeseface · 12/08/2021 17:09

What is he expecting you to send him in response to that? You wrapped up in a blanket.

Original poster
CallMeNutribullet · 12/08/2021 17:10

@Surprisedpikachu

I’d bin. I’d get the ick from texts like that.
Same. I'm honestly not like this with any other aspect of my life but I can't trust my judgement when it comes to men at all. I know at some point I'm going to feel uncomfortable and look for a way out with every guy I date. It's just being able to weed out the actual duds.
OP posts:
Doomscrolling · 12/08/2021 17:10

@CheeseyMcCheeseface

What is he expecting you to send him in response to that? You wrapped up in a blanket.
Erect nipples, at a guess.

Bin him, he’s a creep.

Original poster
CallMeNutribullet · 12/08/2021 17:13

@CheeseyMcCheeseface

What is he expecting you to send him in response to that? You wrapped up in a blanket.
Presumably some sort of erect nipple. I think it's bad flirting rather than an actual expectation but it's still yuck
OP posts:
Original poster
CallMeNutribullet · 12/08/2021 17:14

Well that's unanimous and is good enough for me

OP posts:
CheeseyMcCheeseface · 12/08/2021 17:18

Ahhh that would have gone over my head - yeah that’s too much 🗑

WoodenFloors · 12/08/2021 17:18

Nope, definitely no to a second date on the back of that.

wombatspoopcubes · 12/08/2021 17:19

Just to be a different voice.... I also think that it's his way of flirting. Have you told him that it makes you uncomfortable? Because if you do and he listens then I would give him another chance. I'd much rather dated someone who actually listened to my boundaries than someone who accidentally didn't break them yet.

Somuddled · 12/08/2021 17:28

I would have assumed some sort of auto correct as it makes no sense. What does he want to see?

GoodnightGrandma · 12/08/2021 17:30

No, he sounds ick.

Lolabray · 12/08/2021 17:34

Nope bin him I agree he just sounds like he is after one thing

Allthelights · 12/08/2021 17:35

It would be too soon for innuendoes like that for me.

Sakurami · 12/08/2021 17:36

Yuck. Smutty words like that before you've even slept together is yucky and disrespectful. Imagine if you had asked him what his dick shrinks down to when he's cold?

deeplyambivalent · 12/08/2021 17:39

I suspect your instincts are bang on, OP. That's rank.

ExpressDelivery · 12/08/2021 17:43

That's making me cringe for you.

It's just horrible, even if the relationship is all about casual sex.

Suprima · 12/08/2021 17:44

He literally asked for a picture of your erect nipples

Block and delete

Surprisedpikachu · 12/08/2021 17:49

Having a shared sense of fun/humour is so important - winky faces and texts like that just sound like he’s after nudes. It would immediately put me off, you’re making general conversation and he’s like TITS PLS.

I’ve seen similar messages from my friends when they’ve done online dating - they’ll say they’re in bed about to go to sleep and the guy will be like ‘need some company WINK’….or ‘same, want to join me?’ Ugh just put some effort in - decent chat, funny memes, always better than sleazy texts

Colourmeclear · 12/08/2021 17:49

I've been out of the dating pool a while, but do men know how to communicate in any other way? Just seems that endless innuendo and sickening emojis are the only way they think they can talk to a women via text/messenger/email. It's quite sad really.

5128gap · 12/08/2021 17:50

@wombatspoopcubes

Just to be a different voice.... I also think that it's his way of flirting. Have you told him that it makes you uncomfortable? Because if you do and he listens then I would give him another chance. I'd much rather dated someone who actually listened to my boundaries than someone who accidentally didn't break them yet.
I like your thinking.