Ghosted by friend/colleague

[pascheretloire]

I've been friends with a woman at work for about four years. Good friends, or so I thought. She is funny, kind, just lovely.

A couple of months ago she said she was moving to a city about an hour from where we both live, to live with her boyfriend. I've only met her boyfriend a couple of times, and he seemed very nice. I was happy for her, albeit a little sad at losing a friend and ally at work. She handed in her notice, we went for drinks and a meal for her leaving do, and a month ago, she moved.

We usually text quite a lot, but I didn't think anything of it when she hadn't at first, as I know how busy and stressful moving house is. However, when I hadn't heard from her for over a fortnight, I rang her. Only to find that her number is not in use. Strange, I think, so try messaging her on Facebook, but she appears to have deleted her account (not blocked, I checked). Her Instagram is also gone. I then started to worry, and checked out the new address she's given me, and it doesn't exist.

I'm really worried. It's just so unlike her to do something like this. And I have no way at all of contacting her. I've actually cried at the thought of losing a friend like this, but also worrying that she is maybe being controlled by her boyfriend. She has an unusual name, but absolutely nothing is showing up on anywhere like LinkedIn, it's as if she's vanished off the face of the earth, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Has anyone experienced anything like this, or have any advice?

Did she have a boyfriend prior to this one who you could contact and see if he knows more regarding her parents, other friends or whether the house was hers ??

@beastlyslumber both the street name and the postcode are non-existent. I so wish I'd thought to look it up on Google maps the day she gave it to me, I'm normally a really nosy sod, this was a real oversight!

This is so strange, if it was my friend I’d be concerned for them and worried something had happened to them, like trafficking. I’d follow the advice on here about getting a welfare check either through the police or colleague or old neighbour that might still be in there touch. Otherwise PI could solve the mystery and help you rest easy (and have closure if indeed they have just chosen to have a fresh start and cut all previous contacts)

Are there mental health problems? My mum would isolate herself in that type of way.

@happinessischocolate She was single when I met her, and then has been with her current boyfriend since about November 2019 (so slightly longer than the 18 months I mentioned previously -lockdown has messed with my perception of time!). She had had a couple of long term relationships prior to that, but I wouldn't have a clue where they are or how to contact them.

@SaharaFlower I don't think there were. I have some mental health problems, and we've spoken about those, she's always been really supportive and understanding, but never mentioned having any issues herself.

I would send one email asking if she wants to stay in touch then leave it at that.

People don't tend to delete their email addresses or block people on them.

@TeachesOfPeaches unfortunately we never communicated via personal email, always text or messenger. We used work email, but of course that's not an option as she's left her job.

This is so freaky. I hope she's okay and you get some answers x

I think Security services too, MI5, entirely plausible but perhaps overthinking it!

I don’t think she has blocked you this is more like she has disappeared for some reason. It does sound odd . I can understand you being concerned.

Work will have her personal email address, you could ask the boss if payroll/hr xoild send an email checking on her welfare

She’s been dating the guy since 2019, you were close friends yet you don’t really know anything about him? Are you sure he exists?
Have you tried google maps for variations of street/postcode in city she claims to be moving to?

@happinessischocolate I'm not sure if they would have it. Work doesn't have mine. Any communication is via work email or phone.

@HerMammy yes, I've met him twice. We were in lockdown for much of last year, and working from home for longer. We weren't socialising as we normally would, me especially, as my husband was shielding.

Do you have any photos of either of them to google image search?

@HerMammy I have photos of her, but not of him.

I’d search the image of her.
Google his name, city, motorbike, worth a try

@pascheretloire : If you ever would have asked my mum, she'd have said that all is good. However, she would isolate herself and her mental health really went down. It does seem that she wants to isolate.

@HerMammy As I've previously stated, I don't know his surname.

This is odd. I hope you find out where she is

@SaharaFlower so sorry about your mum, that must be hard to deal with. I have a friend who is bipolar who goes to ground when very down. But not to the extent of vanishing totally, and it's a recognised thing with her, as in it occurs quite often. This is just totally out of the blue though.

I’d be concerned too OP.

It all seems quite odd.

I hope someone is able to put your mind at rest.