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Original poster

Ghosted by friend/colleague

147 replies

pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 16:01

I've been friends with a woman at work for about four years. Good friends, or so I thought. She is funny, kind, just lovely.

A couple of months ago she said she was moving to a city about an hour from where we both live, to live with her boyfriend. I've only met her boyfriend a couple of times, and he seemed very nice. I was happy for her, albeit a little sad at losing a friend and ally at work. She handed in her notice, we went for drinks and a meal for her leaving do, and a month ago, she moved.

We usually text quite a lot, but I didn't think anything of it when she hadn't at first, as I know how busy and stressful moving house is. However, when I hadn't heard from her for over a fortnight, I rang her. Only to find that her number is not in use. Strange, I think, so try messaging her on Facebook, but she appears to have deleted her account (not blocked, I checked). Her Instagram is also gone. I then started to worry, and checked out the new address she's given me, and it doesn't exist.

I'm really worried. It's just so unlike her to do something like this. And I have no way at all of contacting her. I've actually cried at the thought of losing a friend like this, but also worrying that she is maybe being controlled by her boyfriend. She has an unusual name, but absolutely nothing is showing up on anywhere like LinkedIn, it's as if she's vanished off the face of the earth, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Has anyone experienced anything like this, or have any advice?

OP posts:
hehehhehe · 08/08/2021 18:08

If he runs his own business that business will surely have an internet presence...

Was he wealthy?

Original poster
pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 18:10

@hehehhehe Unfortunately I don't know the boyfriend's surname. I think he was some sort of mechanic or engineer, but I'm not sure.

OP posts:
Bethany7 · 08/08/2021 18:18

Were you ever at her previous home? Perhaps neighbours have a forwarding address? Although likely to be confidential, in time with her getting a new job, an employer where you currently are would need to provide a reference. Perhaps of that happens they could let you know that that has happened without giving you any details.
It is strange. I do hope she is ok. She may have just wanted a fresh start and as someone said earlier it's nothing personal to you. I had a good friend who moved back to her home country who completely ghosted me and I felt so hurt. I came to the conclusion that she had just been using me to translate assignments for her! But my point is she just ignored me, her online footprint was still there. In this case that's not the case which makes me think she hasn't ghosted you and something else is going on...

ShellyShore · 08/08/2021 18:20

Can you write a short enquiry note asking if she's ok to her old address in case she has her post redirected?

Sarahlou63 · 08/08/2021 18:26

Did she sell her previous home? If so you could ask the estate agent for her forwarding address and/or ask them to put you in touch with her solicitor. They won't be able to disclose information but they may be able to reassure you that's she safe and well.

Original poster
pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 18:28

@Bethany7 yes I have visited her previous home. I know that she hasn't had a reference from work because of not yet starting a new job. I would imagine that any reference requests would be confidential because of data protection.

OP posts:
Original poster
pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 18:29

@ShellyShore That's a good idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 18:31

@Sarahlou63 Yes she did sell it, because she was pleased how quickly it sold, and for over the asking price.

OP posts:
Loudestcat14 · 08/08/2021 18:43

How peculiar. Perhaps she was in witness protection or has just gone into it?! People don't just vanish like that and the fact the address she's given you doesn't exist is very strange. I would be inclined to go to the police.

Original poster
pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 20:45

I can't imagine it being witness protection or spying! She had lived in this area since doing her undergraduate degree and just worked in ordinary jobs. She's not what I'd call naive either.

OP posts:
overnightangel · 08/08/2021 20:51

This is so baffling … my first thought was WP programme but doesn’t sound like she fits the profile …. I think a letter to her old address in case she has a redirection set up would be a good idea …. Or the nuclear option is hire a private detective 🕵️‍♂️
I’d be worried as well as curious

ScribblingPixie · 08/08/2021 20:52

What are you going to do? Talk to other people at work? Maybe she's said things to your colleagues in conversation that slightly conflict with what she's told you or will help you build up more of a picture? I don't think it's too Miss Marple to report it to the police if it still seems totally out of character after that.

drpet49 · 08/08/2021 20:54

She isn’t as lovely as she had you believing. She sounds cruel to just cut you off like that. You don’t need someone like that in your life.

readytosell · 08/08/2021 20:56

[quote pascheretloire]@Sarahlou63 Yes she did sell it, because she was pleased how quickly it sold, and for over the asking price. [/quote]
Was it definitely her house though?

Sorry, I know I shouldn't be adding to the weird speculation but it could have been owned by someone else who decided to sell up and she moved at the same time.

It would fit well with someone undercover (police, secret services) setting up a 'normal' life to avoid detection who had come to the end of whatever they were doing. Just making everything believable enough.

Mantlemoose · 08/08/2021 20:58

I am quite good friends with colleagues but once I leave I'm not likely to keep in touch but I won't be deleting my number or facebook page or giving a fake address. Honestly it sounds concerning to me so yep I would visit the local cop shop.

Original poster
pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 21:03

@ScribblingPixie I'm definitely going to have a chat with colleagues about it, see if they know anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 21:06

@readytosell I'm now thinking of those terrible undercover police officers who had relationships and children with unsuspecting women, and then one day just vanished as their mission came to an end. (One of them ended up lecturing at my old university!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 21:14

This one

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/BobLambertt(undercoverpoliceeofficer)

OP posts:
2021V2 · 08/08/2021 21:15

Look on right move at the agent that sold the house. Give the police a call and the agent and address sold and exactly what has happened and explain if she doesn’t what to see you that you are highly concerned for her out of character behaviour and ask them to do a welfare check.

In France my mums friend had a daughter in son married to her son who has been missing now 8 years. In all that time she hasn’t contacted her own children or parents - boyfriend and husband can and do kill and can and do control. You have only her welfare to think of.

Overdon · 08/08/2021 21:19

Would she have given anyone you know of a forwarding address? Could be telling if a different address was provided. Did she ever mention hobbies or groups she was a member of?

If she really wants to disappear, she has probably changed her name. Like a PP said a PI 🕵️‍♀️ is the nuclear option.

readytosell · 08/08/2021 21:20

[quote pascheretloire]@readytosell I'm now thinking of those terrible undercover police officers who had relationships and children with unsuspecting women, and then one day just vanished as their mission came to an end. (One of them ended up lecturing at my old university!!)[/quote]
That's what made me think of it, the extraordinary lengths they went to to appear like they were living a normal life so that nobody suspected a thing!

Original poster
pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 21:25

@Overdon I can't think of anyone. I do know that she has a ticket for a gig that we were supposed to be going to - it was originally scheduled for May last year, and now is in May next year. She's a big fan of the band, as am I.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 08/08/2021 21:27

[quote pascheretloire]@Overdon I can't think of anyone. I do know that she has a ticket for a gig that we were supposed to be going to - it was originally scheduled for May last year, and now is in May next year. She's a big fan of the band, as am I. [/quote]
she SAID she was.....

Original poster
pascheretloire · 08/08/2021 21:29

@godmum56 We've been to two of the bands gigs together in the past few years. She really did seem to be into them!

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 08/08/2021 21:36

That is so weird. If it was a case of wanting to cut you off and block you, surely she wouldn't have done something which would be bound to make you worry about her?

Could it be that the address had the wrong postcode? But that wouldn't explain the dead number and deleted social media accounts.

Presumably if she's still close with parents and other friends, they will either know where she is and that she's fine, or will be equally as worried and looking for her. Maybe one of them will find you!

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