Husband is an ass!

[TheWatersFine]

My husband is usually caring and considerate, I am 17 weeks pregnant and last night he annoyed me so much!!!
He went out to the pub in the afternoon with his friend to watch sport. He usually gets the last train home when he goes out drinking, so arrives around 12:30am.
I went to bed at 10pm and text to say I had set the house alarm, but left the chain off the door. He read it (2 blue ticks) and didn’t reply. I didn’t think anything of it, cos he was out having fun.
Until I woke up at 1am with no sign of him, so I just sent a text asking any idea of his ETA? Again, this was read and ignored.
I woke up again at 2, with him still not home and started to really worry. So I rang him twice and he didn’t answer and text him, which he again read but didn’t reply.
This is so out of character, but I knew he was alive - as he was looking at his phone, so I decided to put the chain on the door, as I had no idea of when he would arrive home and was starting to get quite angry at this point.
He eventually knocked the door down at 3:30am. I left him outside for a bit - spiteful I know, but I was angry and upset that he had chosen to ignore my messages. Then when I let him in he called me a bitch and we had a big argument - mainly led by me as he was too drunk to even string a sentence together.
He has never done anything like this before, he usually texts to say he’s on his way home and if he’d said he was staying out and when to expect him, I wouldn’t have been so worried.
I know I sound pretty needy, but we do live in a city with high knife crime and very recently a family friend went out into the city drinking, was stabbed and died.
I have come out shopping for some space today, but I really feel like he needs to be ready to apologise when I get home.
He is always saying how he calculates the risk of Covid and possibly bringing it home to me, but I feel like I was the last thing he was thinking of last night. He came in, got right into our bed and lay right on my pregnancy pillow - full of germs- so I went and slept alone in the spare room.
I am really upset and angry with his behaviour, which is so out of character and hope this isn’t a sign of his personality changing with me being pregnant/the responsibility of becoming a parent.

Bloody hell I wonder if some people on here have a husband or a pet

I would be annoyed but it is a one off and he was obviously very drunk. That's allowed.

Twice recently I have either read my boyfriend's messages while I've been out and not replied as I got distracted, and also have texted him to say I'm coming home and then been much later than planned. It's not great but after 18 months of not socialising it's been really nice connecting with friends.

If he locked me out of the house for that behaviour I would be seriously reconsidering our relationship.

I have only read to the end of page 2 but I think some people are being quite harsh.

My ex husband was like this. He'd go out drinking and would be later back than he said, leaving me worried about him. This apparently equated to me nagging him or not wanting him to go out when all I asked was for a rough ETA and if it was going to be much different to that, to send me a quick text. It's not overbearing or suffocating to worry about the person you are married to/in a relationship with. Surely not giving a crap about where they are is worse?

Anyway, it turned out my husband was having an affair which might explain a lot, and we are in the process of him becoming my ex husband.

I think letting your partner know your rough plans is considerate and your partner wasn't being considerate.
Like it or not, when you decide to have children, BOTH parties need to grow up a bit. Sadly the men often don't want to but I hope yours does before your baby arrives.

Locking him out is a different issue but if you were sleeping with a child in the house and your door wasn't secure then I would have done the same thing.

Some posters in this thread have a bizarre approach to life.

Yes its polite to reply to a message but on nights out when you're a bit tipsy and chatting away to friends you sometimes forget. DP and I have done this to each other frequently. The one at home rolls their eyes, goes to bed and takes the piss out of the other's hangover the next day.

If we're feeling nice we might even leave a drunk snack out in the kitchen for when they get back.

I'd never dream of locking DP out and if he'd done that to me the relationship would be dead then and there.

Quite a few MNers seem to dislike the entire concept of going out and having fun though. I'm pro parties both for myself and DP, separately and together. When he goes out and gets drunk with his mates I actually like the idea that he's having a nice time, and vice versa.

Maybe this is all because we actually like each other and want the other to enjoy life.

Yes but there's wanting the other to enjoy themselves while wanting reassurance that they are ok if later back than they thought/said they'd be. One quick message or call to say "hey, having fun so will be later than I thought, don't wait up/worry" takes seconds and is considerate and you can still have fun AND send a quick courtesy message.

If something had happened to the guy on the way home (passed out/been mugged or attacked/whatever) then you'd know sooner if they let you know roughly what time to expect them home.

It's what I'd do if the roles were reversed so I it's what I expect. Fortunately my current partner doesn't drink so not an issue anymore after years of it.

Yes I agree a message is courteous and he should have sent one but having been on both ends of this situation I also understand how it can slip the mind, and it just doesn't turn into a big thing between DP and I.

I like fun a lot but I certainly think if your partner is pregnant then maybe a little more courtesy was in order— and I don’t think the fact someone is pregnant is irrelevant as someone above said— I had a miscarriage around that time