Am I being a high maintenance nightmare?

[Finchala]

Together a year. See each other 2 or 3 nights a week. He’s never been massively big on contact when apart, pretty short texts. Sometimes we have a phone call and that lasts a while. We do that maybe 2 or 3 times a week.

But some days he seems to drop off the radar. He has a busy job where he often doesn’t have his phone with him, especially when he’s out and driving. I’ve said I would like to hear from him at the end of the day just to know all is well, doesn’t need to be a conversation just some form of contact. I was reluctant to say this as I don’t really want contact from anyone where it’s not freely given, but it wasn’t great to have random days where I didn’t hear from him and left me wondering if something horrible had happened.

He’s been a bit better at this lately but today again I’ve heard nothing. I called him just now when driving back from my friends, no answer. I guess he will call back when he’s free and he might have put in a last minute shit but he point is I don’t know? I find this weird after a year together. We weren’t seeing each other today as I had other plans earlier on today. Which he knew about as I told him.

Am I being high maintenance here? I don’t really know why it irritates me so much but I fed like on these days I just don’t have a partner.

My point was that OP is being no more or less unreasonable than her partner, so she shouldn't be the one who is expected to change

But she’s not being expected to change, she’s expecting him to change. She can want all she wants, be irritated till the cows come home, he’s not asking her to change, it’s her asking him.

Why is it "cool", "mythical" or having "low expectations" to have different preferences in a relationship ValerieMalone?

It's a running dig on there that anyone who is happier with less contact, doesn't expect daily texts, is happy for each person to do hobbies and have a life outside outside relationship, have sex that isn't reluctantly agreed once a fortnight must be a cool wife or be lying. I can't help but wonder why some women find it difficult to understand that other people might be different to them.

It's not about having low expectations. Those are my boundaries.

Tbh, I don't check how often my friends speak to their boyfriends/girlfriends/partners so I wouldn't know how normal it is. I know that one of my friends does message her girlfriend daily and phones daily. We've talked about how different we are in that respect. I'd find her touch and she'd find not enough. It's not about being a 'cool girlfriend', I've already said that I ended it with someone because he wanted everyday contact and that was just more than I could manage.

I don't know how other people manage it. Surely peopl had other things going on before they started dating someone? What happens to those things? Or does this apply more to people who are always dating/in a relationship?

I spend an overnight and full day at the weekend with my boyfriend. Sometimes the whole weekend- it depends what we're doing. I might see him once in the week if we're both free on the same night.

I work from home at least one evening a week, I spend a couple of evenings with my teenage daughter, I have band practice twice a week, I like an evening to chill and do my own stuff...

A text exchange or a phone call on one of those evenings is fine but I don't need the contact and find Good morning, have a good day x and Good evening. Hope you had a good day x messages a bit pointless.

@Bluntness100

My point was that OP is being no more or less unreasonable than her partner, so she shouldn't be the one who is expected to change

But she’s not being expected to change, she’s expecting him to change. She can want all she wants, be irritated till the cows come home, he’s not asking her to change, it’s her asking him.

I don't think she's said she gets irritated at him, she's just not sure it's ok to feel agitated by what he does.

I'd be totally with you if she was constantly pressuring him to do it her way but I don't see that. She's not even sure it's ok to feel this way, so it doesn't look like she's forcing her way of thinking onto him, or forcing him to change.

They need to look for compromise, first off, and if they can't find it, move on from each other.