Niece told she looks like a whore and dresses like a slut by her Dad's live in partner

[WhiskeyGalore212]

My niece, a teenager, dresses in the sort of goth/emo etc style and incorporates skater skirts, playsuits, fish net tights etc. My other niece wears similar stuff abd I've seen lots of other teenage and early twenties girls young women wear similar.

She tells me, when going to school in a skater style skirt that was above knee length but not ass skimming etc that her father's live-in partner (a mum of two boys who live there too) said "you look like a whore" referring to the skirt.

This was said in front of the two boys and father at breakfast.

She was pushed to apologise to my niece by her father but later essentially reiterated what she said by saying something along the lines of "you're in no position to criticise (referring to something about her son) when your dad dresses like a slut".

Niece overheard this (or it was said in front of her, not sure which).

The dad has taken no further action.

Opinions?

[quote IdblowJonSnow]@fallfallfall

Wtf?!! 'Flaunt your goods'?

Which century did you step out of?

She has a right to wear what she likes without being called names by her own family (or anyone else) ffs![/quote]
I know, fkg bonkers.

I've always loved your username BTW .

@WhiskeyGalore212

Then I'd ask my niece what else she wanted to happen, and even if that was 'stay with Aunt Zara for a bit', I'd enable it.

She stays half and half. She doesn't want to be pushed put by this woman.

She agrees her Dad will not get rid.
I don't know what this woman would gave to do for him to get rid. Murder possibly. Even then. That's not any reflection of her merit or her hold over him .. it's his relationship style.

It's a rock and hard place.

I'm just looking for perspectives from lots of people with a view to showing my niece.

Fair enough.

In that case I'd find your niece lots of info and resources about why this is such a disgusting term, and how women's sexuality has been controlled for centuries simply because it's a commodity. She probably doesn't need a full-on feminist lecture :), but I know from my own experience of working with young women that it can blow their minds seeing something like this from a different perspective.

Well she won't be staying with her Dad much longer. Poor kid.

Am I the only one who would have been tempted to tell niece that I had no idea stepmum had so much experience of whores and it’s so brave of her to publicly admit her history of sex work?

Realistically, it appears stepmum is a bitch and Dad is a wimp. If niece isn’t prepared to move out (and I suspect that’s what the stepmother is aiming for), there isn’t much she can do other than try not to give stepmum the reaction she is aiming for. I suspect that a yawn and comment that niece wouldn’t expect an older woman (yes I know she may well only be in her 30s - I am going for snide not accurate) to understand modern fashion may be the way to go.

even if that was 'stay with Aunt Zara for a bit', I'd enable it.

Sorry, I missed this point; if that's me; we're in different countries and due to school, hobbies etc. would only be possible on holidays. Also I feel that if she drops out of staying at dad's for significant periods, it will make everyone act like its not her home and the push out will be easier.

@Talia99

Am I the only one who would have been tempted to tell niece that I had no idea stepmum had so much experience of whores and it’s so brave of her to publicly admit her history of sex work?

Realistically, it appears stepmum is a bitch and Dad is a wimp. If niece isn’t prepared to move out (and I suspect that’s what the stepmother is aiming for), there isn’t much she can do other than try not to give stepmum the reaction she is aiming for. I suspect that a yawn and comment that niece wouldn’t expect an older woman (yes I know she may well only be in her 30s - I am going for snide not accurate) to understand modern fashion may be the way to go.

I honestly don't even know if she aiming for a reaction.

I suspect she's just a misogynist, mouthy, no filter, critical silly bitch.

Am I the only one who would have been tempted to tell niece that I had no idea stepmum had so much experience of whores and it’s so brave of her to publicly admit her history of sex work?

😄 Classic.

Yeah, witty put downs are unlikely to be what's going to come out of your mouth when you're insulted and called colloquial banes fir prostitutes at breakfast in your home (at any age especially when you're a teenage girl) but I'd like to have seen the reaction to "but i found this at the back of your wardrobe. Can I borrow the knee high plastic boots you have in there too?".

@WhiskeyGalore212 - I know, it’s one of those things you always think of later and wish you’d said at the time. I’m sure I wouldn’t have thought of it on the spot even now let alone when I was 16.

If stepmum does have any photos of herself at 16, I’d be very interested in what she was wearing in them. Somehow I doubt it was Duggar family style modesty gear.

Something doesn't ring true in this post OP.

No way she would be going to school in a skater skirt. They are really strict about uniform nowadays.

Are you a Daily Mail journalist?

@beigebrownblue

Something doesn't ring true in this post OP.

No way she would be going to school in a skater skirt. They are really strict about uniform nowadays.

Are you a Daily Mail journalist?

Oh great, we've had the :why are posting on a forum for opinions" post and now we have the other mn classic poster, the detective.

I don't know of it was a no uniform day ... all.i kkiw is a niece described it as a skater skirt, above knee but a hands length below are.

You see she was already justifying herself based on this woman's whore comment.

I wish I was a DM reporter, I'd get paid a lot more than I do. And for copying forum threads.

*a hands length below arse.

Not a 'classic' poster love, just saying whatever else she was wearing outside of school, I'm sure she would have been picked up on it inside school.

And term has finished anyway so when was this?

If stepmum does have any photos of herself at 16, I’d be very interested in what she was wearing in them. Somehow I doubt it was Duggar family style modesty gear.

Niece said woman has said numerous things that suggest she has always struggled with her weight, and did not feel Comfortable wearing short skirts (or skirts at all) or similar when younger.

@beigebrownblue

Not a 'classic' poster love, just saying whatever else she was wearing outside of school, I'm sure she would have been picked up on it inside school.

And term has finished anyway so when was this?

Sometime before school finished, I would reasonably assume (!)

Now that your detective-ing is over, would you like to actually comment on the topic of the thread?

It's not about whether school would have commented on her skirt length or type.

Not a 'classic' poster love

Oh the detective and the "catcher outer" is a classic poster on here. I've had them query a detail in a poat re a family conflict I asked for advice on (a completely ridiculous detail) but not make any actual.contribution or give any advice once I'd explained the petty detail she thought meant I was lying.

*post

@beigebrownblue

Something doesn't ring true in this post OP.

No way she would be going to school in a skater skirt. They are really strict about uniform nowadays.

Are you a Daily Mail journalist?

Are you aware that some schools are uniform free? Camden Girls, for example.

@fallfallfall

it's a common comment that's been said to young women the world over for probably more than a few centuries. it's not a kind thing to say, but the hormone driven urge to flaunt your goods is at the root of this. young women need to know that they are more than a sexy body, this should start young and not be supported/condoned by tv and social media....but since the issue has been around longer than that i'm not sure what can be done socially.

Flash your ‘goods’?

What part of this child’s body is for sale?

As well as the above; what lots of men and some women don't seem to grasp is that girls and young women who wear things they may consider "sexy" or attention seeking are often just copying idols (singers, actresses, cartoon characters etc) who wear things like that. They want to be like them, they copy their style.

The subliminal, primitive sexual signalling that poster is referring to is not really there, they're just aping what they're seeing. Which may or may (often) not be at all age appropriate. The post projects sexual motivations onto girls that are often not really there; like male predators have done since time immemorial.

@fallfallfall

it's a common comment that's been said to young women the world over for probably more than a few centuries. it's not a kind thing to say, but the hormone driven urge to flaunt your goods is at the root of this. young women need to know that they are more than a sexy body, this should start young and not be supported/condoned by tv and social media....but since the issue has been around longer than that i'm not sure what can be done socially.

This. The step.mum was wrong to call her those words, especially in front of everybody, but I've seen in real life, the emo style described and it's all about objectifying women unfortunately. All this over sexualisation of clothing is too much. Women are so much more than just our bodies.

My best friend's stepmother was a bully and made unpleasant comments about my friend as a teenager. It was a mixture of jealousy as my friend was a reminder of her dad's ex and due to her youth and lovely figure. Our revenge was to secretly take her stepmom's clothes apart and sew them smaller bit by bit, so she struggled to fit in them. She was constantly dieting, eating some bland low-fat soft cheese/quark diet, we put loads of double cream in it. In balance, we won the guerilla war...

@fallfallfall

it's a common comment that's been said to young women the world over for probably more than a few centuries. it's not a kind thing to say, but the hormone driven urge to flaunt your goods is at the root of this. young women need to know that they are more than a sexy body, this should start young and not be supported/condoned by tv and social media....but since the issue has been around longer than that i'm not sure what can be done socially.

You dickhead. They'll NEVER be known as 'more than a sexy body' if people like you call them 'goods'

No apologies for calling you names either. You need to wake up and get real. These attitudes are what has held women back for so long.

but the hormone driven urge to flaunt your goods is at the root of this.

I'd argue that male entitlement to their 'uncontrollable animalistic urges' to gaze, letch, and assault is probably more the problem.

Disgusting. It's only her appearance. People that think appearance matters as much as how someone behaves suck.