Niece told she looks like a whore and dresses like a slut by her Dad's live in partner

[WhiskeyGalore212]

My niece, a teenager, dresses in the sort of goth/emo etc style and incorporates skater skirts, playsuits, fish net tights etc. My other niece wears similar stuff abd I've seen lots of other teenage and early twenties girls young women wear similar.

She tells me, when going to school in a skater style skirt that was above knee length but not ass skimming etc that her father's live-in partner (a mum of two boys who live there too) said "you look like a whore" referring to the skirt.

This was said in front of the two boys and father at breakfast.

She was pushed to apologise to my niece by her father but later essentially reiterated what she said by saying something along the lines of "you're in no position to criticise (referring to something about her son) when your dad dresses like a slut".

Niece overheard this (or it was said in front of her, not sure which).

The dad has taken no further action.

Opinions?

*daughter dresses like a slut obviously

Why would you need opinions on that?

Poor kid.

My opinion is that the stepmum sounds horrific. I'm angry on your nieces behalf. Glad her dad made her apologise.

That’s terrible (and to say it in front of the boys too - what a message to give males).

I hope her dad stood up for her.

How old is she? Where's her mum? Can she stay with you?

@category12

How old is she? Where's her mum? Can she stay with you?

Niece lives with her Mum half time abd Das half time since divorce.

They all live in another country within UK from me; niece told me this while visiting and on a trip out alone today.

Older niece gas already stopped staying with Dad, younger one is under 18, and says she's not moving out of her home since she was born due to father's partner.

@KittenKong

That’s terrible (and to say it in front of the boys too - what a message to give males).

I hope her dad stood up for her.

He got her to apologise, though it seems it was in large part due to niece's protests .. I don't know what he did or said when partner reiterated it with "dresses like a slut" comment.

Niece is 15 coming 16 BTW.

*says she's not moving out of her home shes lived in since she was born due to her father's partner.

And her father is your brother or ex bil?

@LIZS

And her father is your brother or ex bil?

Ex bil.

She’s a horrible abusive jealous piece of shit. And rhe father is spineless and complicit

What more is there?

Thats horrible. She lives with a horrible stepmother and a father who won't stick up for her.

it's a common comment that's been said to young women the world over for probably more than a few centuries.
it's not a kind thing to say, but the hormone driven urge to flaunt your goods is at the root of this.

young women need to know that they are more than a sexy body, this should start young and not be supported/condoned by tv and social media....but since the issue has been around longer than that i'm not sure what can be done socially.

If I were niece I wouldn't be going to the dad's house again. She can organise to see her dad away from his house - if she even wants to.

@Notaroadrunner

If I were niece I wouldn't be going to the dad's house again. She can organise to see her dad away from his house - if she even wants to.

As above - she says she is not going to move out of/no longer have a space at her home since she was born due to father's partner.

Her older sister no longer visits or stays there ... mostly due to conflict with father's partner.

@fallfallfall

Wtf?!! 'Flaunt your goods'?

Which century did you step out of?

She has a right to wear what she likes without being called names by her own family (or anyone else) ffs!

@Notaroadrunner

If I were niece I wouldn't be going to the dad's house again. She can organise to see her dad away from his house - if she even wants to.

If she does that and who could blame her, the DFs partner has very neatly got rid of her. Very unfair on your niece.

@fallfallfall

it's a common comment that's been said to young women the world over for probably more than a few centuries. it's not a kind thing to say, but the hormone driven urge to flaunt your goods is at the root of this. young women need to know that they are more than a sexy body, this should start young and not be supported/condoned by tv and social media....but since the issue has been around longer than that i'm not sure what can be done socially.

A rather bizarre focus in your post.

And my niece is not flaunting her goods. She dresses in the emo, punk, goth, skater girl, manga style. It's a style.
She's stylish and quirky.

The complete lack of criticism of a woman telling a very young woman that she looks like a whore in front of her dad and Two impressionable young men, and saying its been said to young women since the beginning of time is .. ... bizarre and disturbing.

My parents referred to me as a slut when I was 13 (my crime was to carry a friend's ghetto blaster, which apparently was a 'slutty' thing to do); then at 19 when I thought I had confided in my mum about a pregnancy scare and she told me what my dad said about me.

Our relationship has never recovered. Neither have I.

I read once that it takes a young girl literally years to get over a slur like this. It's a horrible, poisonous term and should be treated as such.

If this were my niece (I appreciate you may not be to do this), I'd ring her dad and go absolutely full-on re why this is not acceptable. (I'd ring the dad rather than the stepmum as the niece needs to know Dad has her back, plus I suspect the stepmum wouldn't listen.) Then I'd ask my niece what else she wanted to happen, and even if that was 'stay with Aunt Zara for a bit', I'd enable it.

I appreciate that's easy for me to say from behind a computer screen, but I would feel so strongly about a teenage girl being in an environment like that (with two boys! What if they also decide niece is a slut?) that I would absolutely rock the boat on this.

Yes, I'm projecting somewhat here. But I'm also right.

From teenage me, thank you for listening to your niece.

@Bluntness100

She’s a horrible abusive jealous piece of shit. And rhe father is spineless and complicit

What more is there?

He has one if the most codependant relationship styles I've ever seen; he's not going to get rid of this woman. They've been together for quite quite while already.

my crime was to carry a friend's ghetto blaster, which apparently was a 'slutty' thing to do

Wtaf

then at 19 when I thought I had confided in my mum about a pregnancy scare and she told me what my dad said about me.

Some very responsible, sensible kind, parenting there in support of a young woman doing what most young people do at that age in our society.
SMH.

Then I'd ask my niece what else she wanted to happen, and even if that was 'stay with Aunt Zara for a bit', I'd enable it.

She stays half and half. She doesn't want to be pushed put by this woman.

She agrees her Dad will not get rid.
I don't know what this woman would gave to do for him to get rid. Murder possibly. Even then. That's not any reflection of her merit or her hold over him .. it's his relationship style.

It's a rock and hard place.

I'm just looking for perspectives from lots of people with a view to showing my niece.