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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I suspect this post won't age well but....

124 replies

HiddenSN · 02/08/2021 06:01

....sometimes MN is a good outlet for things you don't want to say to your friends.

I went on a date at the end of 2020. Clear as day, I remember sitting across the table and thinking 'I could marry this guy'.

Not in the sense that I actually wanted to marry him. Just that, if the clock stopped and I had to choose someone I could see myself eating breakfast with every day, out of everyone I'd been on a date with recently, he'd be the one.

It was the strangest thing. I NEVER think like this. Everyone laughs at me because I'm usually such a skeptic when it comes to dating. I don't even know if I want to get married again and it's certainly not something I think about on a first date.

There was nothing that necessarily stood out between him and any other guy I'd dated. I had a great date but I don't recall any stand-out moments. It was fun but there was copious amounts of booze so that wasn't a huge surprise. I have no idea why I had that thought.

We had two more dates but they were just coffee and I don't remember having a strong feeling about them either way.

He then had to go back to his home country. I dated someone else and honestly he didn't cross my mind.

Fast forward to May and I was single again and we reconnected on a dating app.

Now coming up for 2.5 months since then and we've been dating ever since. It's by far the best dating experience I've had. I've never felt so comfortable with someone. I'm not an inherently romantic person and usually it takes a lot for me to be 'snuggly' with someone. Or if I do it (say, walking round holding hands), I feel totally ridiculous or awkward.

None of that in this case. It feels bloody fantastic. Everything just seems to work - intellectually, physically and emotionally.

Now, it's early days (and honestly, it was a toss-up between posting this and posting HELP I'M TERRIFIED OF GETTING FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE AND GETTING MY HEART BROKEN')....

But I decided to opt for this positive post in the hope I can revisit it in a year's time and smile.

Or, of course, I could be jinxing it, being utterly ridiculous or setting myself up for a huge disappointment.

But nonetheless I'm fascinated by that random fleeting thought on the first date that somehow instinctively told me there was some kind of connection there.

OP posts:

Serenissima21 · 02/08/2021 06:02

I have my fingers crossed for you!

updownroundandround · 02/08/2021 06:14

You're trusting your instincts here, so good for you !

I think you may well be onto a winner here.

Keep trusting your instinctual feeling about him, and enjoy it !

beigebrownblue · 02/08/2021 06:51

Great news!
Well done for risking it.
And yes, intuition all the way.

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 02/08/2021 06:57

Good luck OP, I really hope this works out for you!
I had the same feeling on my first date with my DH. Been together 16 years now, married with 3 DC.

MangoBiscuit · 02/08/2021 07:03

There's a Japanese phrase for that. Koi No Yokan.

Lovely post OP, another vote to trust your instincts. I had something a bit similar with DP, but feel a bit daft telling anyone. We've been together 2 years now, and I've loved every minute of it.

Angelofchaos · 02/08/2021 07:09

I am not really into romance and the 'destined to be together' view that alot if people have etc

But there's a weird story with me and dp. I was 17 and worked in a hotel. It was huge. There was loads of staff people didn't know. One night, walking down a staff corridor I saw a this man walking towards me. Maybe a couple of years older than me, tall dark and handsome. But looked as miserable as sin . He looked at me and I felt my stomach jump. Never saw him again. But for some reason this walk by always stuck with me. When any of my friends would mention the hotel or I would share stories he entered my head. Never felt like I had missed out massively on not talking to him. No longing for him. Butbi did remember. Anyway, I got married had 2 kids and got divorced.

My friend introduced me to her brother who had just lived back to the area, due to his divorce. We chatted for a few minutes and as I was leaving he made a joke and laughed and at that second, I just thought 'oh wow'

We ended up together. About 3 monthsater I was helping him update his CV and noticed that he worked in the same hotel at the same time. Then it hit me. He was the very attractive miserable sod from to corridor. I told him, I now remembered him and he remembered me. We just didn't connect the dots. He could even tell me which corridor it was on and my hairstyle at the time.

20 years later, we both till remember seeing each other. We both remember thinking the other one was attarctive but just walked by and ended up together. I never had that 'oh wow' moment with exh. Only dp.

It might be just coincidence. But I do believe there's a reason walking past eachother, stuck in our minds.

Kind of like our instances were telling us to not forget each other. I am still very guarded with my heart. But when I think of him in that corridor and the jump in my stomach, when he looked at me. It makes me want to lose the grip I have on it.

It is like sometimes, you just know. But then you just have to wait it out and see if you did just know.

Good luck op

MimiSunshine · 02/08/2021 07:13

On my last first date. We were chatting about our circumstances, homes etc.
He said something about his living arrangements and how he planned to change them within 18mths.

I had this flash of a thought “we could live together then”. Low and behold that’s exactly when we moved in together.

LunaNorth · 02/08/2021 07:17

Fourteen years ago I sat in my car waiting to go in to a new night class. I was really keen so I’d turned up early. To kill time I started reading through the course literature.

I looked up and saw a bloke parked opposite, doing exactly the same. I got a really warm feeling towards him, and thought, ‘He’s just like me.’

We’re married now and I still have that warm feeling towards him, every time I look up and see him.

robotcollision · 02/08/2021 07:21

This is no help at all but 15 minutes after meeting DH for the first time, I had a quiet, calm feeling: I could spend the rest of my life with this man. We gto engaged 6 months later and have been together 27 years. I had never ever had a feeling like that before, and as you say, everything, all the small stuff, like the everyday domestic stuff didn't feel wrong with him. Everything felt right.

jennyt82 · 02/08/2021 07:27

I said to my friends after the second date with my now husband that he was the one I was going to marry. We've been together for 20 years and have 4 beautiful children.

Stormyequine · 02/08/2021 07:27

I remember feeling the same when I met my DH. I went to the doctor to get the pill two weeks in. The doctor asked if I was in a long term relationship and without even thinking I said yes. I also moved in with him after 3 months of dating. It was very unlike me to take such a risk but it paid off. We've been married 17 years now and still very happy. Sometimes you do just know.

Plastictattoo · 02/08/2021 07:29

What a lovely thread. I like your positive thinking OP. I went on date back in 1997 and as my train pulled out the station and I waved goodbye, the thought that this man was going to be a huge part of my life just popped into my head. Reader, I married him!

Mrstreehouse · 02/08/2021 07:30

When I met my DH I went home and told my mum that I had met the man I’m going to marry. I just knew instinctively and 15 years later, here we are. Hope it works out for you.

MotherQueenXeno · 02/08/2021 07:32

I had the same feeling with my DH when we first met, I just knew. We have been together nearly 15 years and still just as happy. I really hope it works out for you OP.

Needapoodle · 02/08/2021 07:36

This thread is lovely. When i was on my first date with my dh i knew i would marry him.

Chunkymenrock · 02/08/2021 07:42

Yes, this has definitely happened to me, but the trouble is I am married. We both felt/feel it. It's incredibly difficult for several reasons. I don't trust it really. I do think it's limerance and will fade eventually, if I'm honest.

StormyTeacups · 02/08/2021 07:46

I had that with dh. I am not at all the romantic, hearts and flowers type by the way...I don't really do emotion.

But we knew each other distantly through friends, were out one night and caught eyes over the table, and there was a real sense of knowing. Like, there you are.

We didn't start seeing each other for a month or so after that for various reasons, but I haven't forgotten. Once we did start dating I knew within a week that I couldn't see us breaking up, and so did he. We were married a year later, now nearly 14 yrs down the line.

I'm still not a romantic and am not the type for butterflies etc, but I married the right one.

TheSandgroper · 02/08/2021 07:46

DM said that about DF. It might have been on their first or second date. She said it was just the rather banal thought “when I ask him a question, I get an answer”. I believe the bloke she was seeing a bit of was rather a waffler. But yes, “ I could marry this one”. She was 19 and DF was 27.

Bexily · 02/08/2021 07:56

I had the same with my DH, we met through online dating and the second I laid eyes on him I knew we'd be married. We've been together 17 years now.

Isitreallyme177 · 02/08/2021 07:57

Good luck. Enjoy it! It's so nice to see a positive post too.

I met someone a few months back whilst OLD, who I immediately thought I want him in my life. I couldn't put my finger on what it was. We hit it off and talked the whole time. We met for coffee a few weeks later and when we were talking we realised there is only a 9 day age gap and we are the same star sign (we both have the same traits too) which could explain why we hit it off.

Neither of us really have time for dating right now but we decided we wanted to stay in touch. We have kept in touch and met for coffee a few times since (message almost daily though) and my feelings that he is a really nice genuine guy just keep getting reinforced each time I see him. He was ever so kind to me recently when one of my cats died suddenly(they helped me through my marriage breakdown,they were the reason I got up in the morning so it was extremely hard) and he kept checking I was doing okay. I always think even if we don't end up dating I have a good friend in him and we obviously matched for a reason.

Reading your post gives me hope that I wasn't just being a complete sad romantic.

stillcrazyafterall · 02/08/2021 07:57

Never mock fate! My DH of 27 years and I had a very similar situation, then reconnected a year later, engaged in 2 months, married a year later. If it's meant to be don't fight it.

thelegohooverer · 02/08/2021 07:59

I’m not remotely romantic or gushy. I was born cynical and genuinely couldn’t understand why friends would lose their heads over men.

But when I met dh, it felt like coming home. I knew we were going to be together. It bothered me a bit to feel like that because I’d always seen myself as logical. But we just fit.

Bumpsadaisie · 02/08/2021 08:02

@HiddenSN