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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I suspect this post won't age well but....

124 replies

HiddenSN · 02/08/2021 06:01

....sometimes MN is a good outlet for things you don't want to say to your friends.

I went on a date at the end of 2020. Clear as day, I remember sitting across the table and thinking 'I could marry this guy'.

Not in the sense that I actually wanted to marry him. Just that, if the clock stopped and I had to choose someone I could see myself eating breakfast with every day, out of everyone I'd been on a date with recently, he'd be the one.

It was the strangest thing. I NEVER think like this. Everyone laughs at me because I'm usually such a skeptic when it comes to dating. I don't even know if I want to get married again and it's certainly not something I think about on a first date.

There was nothing that necessarily stood out between him and any other guy I'd dated. I had a great date but I don't recall any stand-out moments. It was fun but there was copious amounts of booze so that wasn't a huge surprise. I have no idea why I had that thought.

We had two more dates but they were just coffee and I don't remember having a strong feeling about them either way.

He then had to go back to his home country. I dated someone else and honestly he didn't cross my mind.

Fast forward to May and I was single again and we reconnected on a dating app.

Now coming up for 2.5 months since then and we've been dating ever since. It's by far the best dating experience I've had. I've never felt so comfortable with someone. I'm not an inherently romantic person and usually it takes a lot for me to be 'snuggly' with someone. Or if I do it (say, walking round holding hands), I feel totally ridiculous or awkward.

None of that in this case. It feels bloody fantastic. Everything just seems to work - intellectually, physically and emotionally.

Now, it's early days (and honestly, it was a toss-up between posting this and posting HELP I'M TERRIFIED OF GETTING FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE AND GETTING MY HEART BROKEN')....

But I decided to opt for this positive post in the hope I can revisit it in a year's time and smile.

Or, of course, I could be jinxing it, being utterly ridiculous or setting myself up for a huge disappointment.

But nonetheless I'm fascinated by that random fleeting thought on the first date that somehow instinctively told me there was some kind of connection there.

OP posts:
PearlFriday · 02/08/2021 08:05

That's a good sign!

I never felt like that. I felt the opposite. My last bf, who I did really love, I couldn't imagine him IN my house. We spent ages talking to each other on the phone when we weren't together but I never really wanted him in the house (I have DC in my defense)

HollysBush · 02/08/2021 08:07

Isn’t this a real scientific phenomenon? Something to do with scent/ body chemistry or something? We somehow sense that out genes would be compatible if we were to have children I think.

HollysBush · 02/08/2021 08:08

Doesn’t explain same sex attractions though.

TheVolturi · 02/08/2021 08:10

@LunaNorth

Fourteen years ago I sat in my car waiting to go in to a new night class. I was really keen so I’d turned up early. To kill time I started reading through the course literature.

I looked up and saw a bloke parked opposite, doing exactly the same. I got a really warm feeling towards him, and thought, ‘He’s just like me.’

We’re married now and I still have that warm feeling towards him, every time I look up and see him.

This really made me smile! How lovely! Op just enjoy it 👍🏻
EvilPea · 02/08/2021 08:18

I had known DH for years in a group before we started spending time alone.
First time we met for dinner (not a date) as I pulled into the car park, windows down, sunny day, Natasha bedding field “I wanna have your babies” came on the radio and it took ages to turn down for some reason.
Blush

LittleFroggie · 02/08/2021 08:33

I remember being out with my friend and meeting a guy who just took my breath away. He walked into the bar wearing a crisp white shirt and tight black trousers like Johnny from Dirty Dancing - head-turning sort of attractive. I watched him sail up the the bar, there was something so cool about him, the way he stood, his body language. My friend said “he’s probably an arsehole, men like that always are” and I joked “I’d still marry him”. He was by the bar for a while with friends and I kept checking where he was, I don’t know why really I just was so drawn to him. A little while later he walked straight up to me and asked if he could take me out for dinner. He stood quite close to me because there music was loud and I could sense him next to my skin, smell his cologne, he was just delicious! I remember on the way home being totally convinced saying I was going to marry him. Well, he wasn’t an arsehole - in fact he was wicked fun on our date and 15 years later here I am in bed with our two toddlers. He’s making us breakfast downstairs, he always brings me coffee in bed every morning. He still takes my breath away in a white shirt too.

Go for it OP!

astoundedgoat · 02/08/2021 08:39

Went to a grad school event & there was a guy there who caught my eye right away. Knew immediately that I wanted to marry him - like just KNEW like never before, before we’d even spoken, before he’d even looked across the room. We were married 18 months later & I still adore him 14 years on.

layladomino · 02/08/2021 08:57

This is a lovely thread and making me smile. Although the logical part of my brain can't ignore the fact that there will be lots of instances when people have had those feelings and been wrong?

I was the opposite with my DH - very very very slow burner. None of those feelings, then became friends, then very slowly started to have feelings... Many years later we are blissfully in love still and a brilliant match. I've had the instant 'wow we're in some way connected' feeling in the past and it came to nothing.

Still - really loving these stories which are heart-warming.

Polkadots2021 · 02/08/2021 09:20

@HiddenSN

....sometimes MN is a good outlet for things you don't want to say to your friends.

I went on a date at the end of 2020. Clear as day, I remember sitting across the table and thinking 'I could marry this guy'.

Not in the sense that I actually wanted to marry him. Just that, if the clock stopped and I had to choose someone I could see myself eating breakfast with every day, out of everyone I'd been on a date with recently, he'd be the one.

It was the strangest thing. I NEVER think like this. Everyone laughs at me because I'm usually such a skeptic when it comes to dating. I don't even know if I want to get married again and it's certainly not something I think about on a first date.

There was nothing that necessarily stood out between him and any other guy I'd dated. I had a great date but I don't recall any stand-out moments. It was fun but there was copious amounts of booze so that wasn't a huge surprise. I have no idea why I had that thought.

We had two more dates but they were just coffee and I don't remember having a strong feeling about them either way.

He then had to go back to his home country. I dated someone else and honestly he didn't cross my mind.

Fast forward to May and I was single again and we reconnected on a dating app.

Now coming up for 2.5 months since then and we've been dating ever since. It's by far the best dating experience I've had. I've never felt so comfortable with someone. I'm not an inherently romantic person and usually it takes a lot for me to be 'snuggly' with someone. Or if I do it (say, walking round holding hands), I feel totally ridiculous or awkward.

None of that in this case. It feels bloody fantastic. Everything just seems to work - intellectually, physically and emotionally.

Now, it's early days (and honestly, it was a toss-up between posting this and posting HELP I'M TERRIFIED OF GETTING FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE AND GETTING MY HEART BROKEN')....

But I decided to opt for this positive post in the hope I can revisit it in a year's time and smile.

Or, of course, I could be jinxing it, being utterly ridiculous or setting myself up for a huge disappointment.

But nonetheless I'm fascinated by that random fleeting thought on the first date that somehow instinctively told me there was some kind of connection there.

Life's a gamble and fortune favours the brave! Go for it!! I spend half the day staring at a Nike Poster at work so my default is 'Just Do It' Grin But Tbh it's that simple sometimes. Life can scare the crap out of you, that's life. Doesn't mean you shouldn't do whatever it is that scares the crap out of you.
SeeYouInFive · 02/08/2021 09:24

The night I first met my DH I saw him across the room and I just knew. It was a sort of ‘oh, there you are’ feeling.

So weird and very hard to put into words without sounding woo. But I definitely had a strong sense that that was him.

grapewine · 02/08/2021 09:29

What a lovely thread. Gives me hope. Good luck, OP.

Cathy31 · 02/08/2021 09:33

I remember having that same sense of knowing that I'd fall in love, during the first conversation I had with DH. We'd met a few times before through mutual friends, but not really spoken much (though I did have a crush on him!) I didn't fall in love during that conversation, but I realised that I would. I was nineteen. 15 years later, he's brought me a coffee in bed and is downstairs playing with our children. He remembers that conversation too.

Angelofchaos · 02/08/2021 09:37

Although the logical part of my brain can't ignore the fact that there will be lots of instances when people have had those feelings and been wrong?

I absolutely agree. As I said I am very unromantic and very guarded.

Me and exh were a slow burn. But when I married him, I did believe it was forever and the right thing.

With dp it was this feeling that I can't out my finger on. But the reason I am so guarded is because, I didn't think me and exh were forever. And we lasted 16 years.

But like op, I know I have this feeling, but know I trust it. What I do know is that I have only had the 'oh wow' moment twice. And both were with dp. Me now even speaking to him the first time. And then not seeing him for 19 years and it happened again.

But I also don't trust it completely. It's weird thing Grin

Vallmo47 · 02/08/2021 09:40

I love this thread.
Good luck OP.

iamtopazmortmain · 02/08/2021 09:43

Like several pp I am not at all a romantic person. I met a man though a few odd twists of fate in a pub. After talking to him for just a few minutes I had that sense that being with him was like coming home. I was attracted to him physically, but not in that swoon-like way, but I just felt so comfortable and relaxed with him.

We had our first 'date' the next day. By then I knew I would be happy married to him. We celebrated our 30th wedding anniverary last year.

Babdoc · 02/08/2021 09:44

Yup, DH and I moved in together after three days. We met in the Students Union in 1975, my first night as a medical student. He was wearing a disreputable old parka, had hair down to his shoulders, a tatty hippy beard and ghastly NHS specs.
But he had a twinkle in his eye, an incredibly sexy voice, and I just knew.
I loved him to bits right up to his untimely death at 36, when our DDs were babies. Still miss him now, 30 years later - I never remarried. He’s irreplaceable.

Hekatestorch · 02/08/2021 09:53

@Babdoc

Yup, DH and I moved in together after three days. We met in the Students Union in 1975, my first night as a medical student. He was wearing a disreputable old parka, had hair down to his shoulders, a tatty hippy beard and ghastly NHS specs. But he had a twinkle in his eye, an incredibly sexy voice, and I just knew. I loved him to bits right up to his untimely death at 36, when our DDs were babies. Still miss him now, 30 years later - I never remarried. He’s irreplaceable.
Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of your dh.Flowers
Crazysheep · 02/08/2021 10:01

I knew I'd marry my now DH the night we met despite being ridiculously drunk and rather controversially already married. Nothing happened between us for 6 months by which time I'd split from exh. 14 years later we are married with 2DC.

LividLaVidaLoca · 02/08/2021 10:04

I’ve felt same, and we were married six months later. Baby came eleven months after that first date Grin

Deedee121 · 02/08/2021 10:05

@Babdoc

Yup, DH and I moved in together after three days. We met in the Students Union in 1975, my first night as a medical student. He was wearing a disreputable old parka, had hair down to his shoulders, a tatty hippy beard and ghastly NHS specs. But he had a twinkle in his eye, an incredibly sexy voice, and I just knew. I loved him to bits right up to his untimely death at 36, when our DDs were babies. Still miss him now, 30 years later - I never remarried. He’s irreplaceable.
I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers
Letsrunabath · 02/08/2021 10:05

I met my husband in a nightclub and in the taxi home said d to my friend ‘that boy will change my life’. Got married 6 months later and still happily married 32 years later and with 2 teenagers.

PeachScone · 02/08/2021 10:06

DH and I very briefly worked at the same organisation. The first time we were in a room together and made eye contact I had a very weird feeling of "pay attention, this moment is important". 2 years later we were married!

Nicoleamdavies · 02/08/2021 10:09

When I was 16 years old I worked on the deli counter in a butchers shop, there was the amazing 18 year old lad that worked there and I was obsessed! He was funny, sweet, and of course good looking 😂
At 18 I left the job and went to uni, never telling him how I felt!
Fast forward 11 years, I was just getting out of a 7 year relationship and up pops a message on Instagram, it was that same lad! We talked for ages everyday and night for months and then finically met up!
It's been nearly 3 years now and we're currently TTC!
I don't really believe in fate, but I do believe that I was meant to reconnect with him again!

Antinerak · 02/08/2021 10:10

I met my now husband when I was 18. We brushed shoulders (sort of, he's a foot taller than me) in a busy road and both turned around to see each other. At the time we said we had heart flutters and a sudden need for each other. We went for coffee straight away and I moved in with him 4 months later. Been married nearly 7 years and still just as glued together.

Good luck!

isthismylifenow · 02/08/2021 10:13

This is such a lovely post. All the best to you OP.