Does anyone else’s man use there toiletries or the kids up without buying there own!!!

[Dani6]

I am fuming 😤 and sick and tired of my husband helping himself to mine or the kids toiletries. I buy him his own and yet he still helps himself to ours without asking. I have had ago at him multiple times, but it goes out one ear and out the other. He says he will give me extra money but never does. He just uses stuff because he feels like it e.g just to try it. He never asks though and I feel that is so rude, as I would never take his things without asking. He used to do it to me before we had kids and now he is using the kids things. He will use it up and not even tell you and you will find the contents empty or suddenly half gone. Am I bring petty??? He also uses his up then never tells me, so, he will automatically use the nearest thing near by. Seriously I have had enough of it …..

Toiletry ponce

If you live together and have kids together - why are the toiletries you buy not his too? Like food and bills. Do you pay for everything separately? Maybe if so you could look at this again?

Yes! It really winds me up!

Can you not just share one without buying him his own?

I suppose the obvious solution is to buy more of what you use. He doesn't see the value in you all having personal toiletries, so just get communal stuff.

If you read up I do buy him his own. Shower gels we shared obviously. Kids cream my kids are two and three, so I use different things on them. Child’s farm or little coco. I have very sensitive skin so I can’t use what he uses, so we all have different things. I do buy him his own.
He pays the bills and I pay for food, house stuff. Medication, nursery. He will top me up if I’m low or we go half’s on things.

I do double up and he still does it also.

If he likes the same brand as the kids - can’t he have that one? Why does he need a different brand?

He chops and changes what he likes. I said he could, I brought him child’s farm and He didn’t give me the money for it. It’s expensive it’s £8 a bottle. I then brought little coco now he decided to use that last night. I only work part time, as we could not afford nursery on a full time basis. If he wants these things he should contribute. I buy all the kids clothes ect and anyone with young ones knows they are in and out of sizes. I’m not made of money. He is a grown man I don’t see why I should be buying him his things I am not his mum. I do all the cooking too

Just buy toiletries which you buy for kids and yourself and stop buying men's brands. Problem solved.

Stop buying 'his stuff'. Buy your stuff and kids' stuff in quantities that assume he uses it, too.

It is very selfish and childish behaviour from him, though. I suspect he is also a selfish arse in other areas?

This is odd and would drive me round the bend. I did once catch DH using my molton brown shower gel when it was going down very quickly, he was extremely sheepish.

My solution would be to buy everything pink and very flowery feminine scent but obviously that won’t work for you. You shouldn’t have to hide your and the kids stuff either.

It’s a bit disrespectful to you all, like you don’t deserve personal items if he wants them.

I bought Child's Farm for £4 in Sainsburys - not sure if it was sale or not.

Sorry, xposted. So this is about his lack of financial contribution. That makes sense. You are married, right? Can you sit down and work out a more equitable share of expenses?

If he likes to use whatever you use, just buy more of that and not anything specifically for him.

If he's finishing whatever you or the kids use, surely you use those bottles too? So you know when they are getting close to empty anyway. You don't wait until they have actually completely run out before buying more? Unless someone is using half a bottle at a time.

Yes he is. He is a mummies boy 😒 I don’t understand him, as in my house as a child my family shared, but I was told to ask before I use something or take something. However he is an only child and I was not.

It’s quite unusual in a marriage for financial contributions to be quite so down to the pound like this. Would it not be better to find another way to manage house hold finances

So a joint account where you each pay a percentage of your wages in, to cover all joint costs, ans what’s left is your own disposable income? And all toiletries bought from the joint account? It would save petty arguments over him using and not paying for some shower gel or whatever.

It’s nothing to do with only child - DH and I are both only children and if anything it makes us slightly more prone to wanting our own items I would say 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes I think you are being weird. They are just toiletries, if they are being used up then you (both of you / whoever is doing the shopping) need to buy more. DH doesn’t tend to use my toiletries as we have a bathroom each, but if we shared, I would simply buy more shampoo / shower gel or whatever when it is getting low. I find the idea of a family getting so territorial over toiletries really bizarre, do you write your names on everything in the fridge too? You are supposed to be sharing your life with these people.

When I was married we just shared everything, but dp is the particular over his so buys his own shampoo

Ot sounds like the bigger issue is an unfair financial division of he's "topping you up" and an uneven balance at home as you're working and doing all the house stuff too.

You need to work our how much you're both spending and how that balances out money coming in. He also needs to pull his weight at home. Other stuff will seem less annoying if you dont feel taken advantage of

Re toiletries, buy a small wash bag and put the kids stuff in there after bath and pop it away. He's grabbing what's closest to hand so move the baby wash.

Then if he insists on using your stuff, just buy that. Don't buy him his own.

I’d just buy whatever I needed with my shipping. I can’t fathom your way of working money when you’re married and have kids. It would do my head in keeping tally to the penny.

He likes yours. Bloody hell you're married and have children together.

You've created new life together but he isn't allowed to use your toiletries?

Instead of buying him his own just buy more of yours.

Of all the things to get wound up about.

Your main problem is your financial set up. It shouldn't be set up so that he owes you money for simple things like toiletries and you feel resentment because you aren't made of money. You are in a joint enterprise, living together, raising kids together, you need a system that recognises this. We had one big pot of money but I recognise this is no longer popular. How about contributing into a large pot for all bills and household expenses, including nursery, according to your salaries and everything comes out of that? You then have your own money from what is left?

I don't really get it. Ask him for more money for toiletries. Or hide the good stuff if it's that annoying and just put basic ranges out. It's pety but gets the point across.