Does anyone else’s man use there toiletries or the kids up without buying there own!!!

[Dani6]

I am fuming 😤 and sick and tired of my husband helping himself to mine or the kids toiletries. I buy him his own and yet he still helps himself to ours without asking. I have had ago at him multiple times, but it goes out one ear and out the other. He says he will give me extra money but never does. He just uses stuff because he feels like it e.g just to try it. He never asks though and I feel that is so rude, as I would never take his things without asking. He used to do it to me before we had kids and now he is using the kids things. He will use it up and not even tell you and you will find the contents empty or suddenly half gone. Am I bring petty??? He also uses his up then never tells me, so, he will automatically use the nearest thing near by. Seriously I have had enough of it …..

If money is an issue don't use childs Farm or little coco on 2 and 3 year olds it's a waste of money.

Why is the answer to this that OP can't have the toiletries she likes?

Ask him to pick stuff he likes online and then ask for his bank card to pay for it. If he doesn't agree to that, buy him the biggest bottles of Aldi value stuff to use.

That’s a good point. If you can’t use normal baby toiletries like own brand or Johnson’s because your kids skin reacts then go to the gp and get prescription creams.

(I didn’t do any creaming of any of mine except the one with eczema and she had prescription creams. The rest just got Tesco own brand bath stuff and shampoo)

So he wants to use the more expensive brands, but doesn't want to pay for them?

He wants you to pay for them out of your part-time wage while bringing up his children? And then he gets arsey with you?

I think you need a joint account and you both contribute proportionately to that from your incomes, in a way that genuinely covers all the bills and outgoings. He's not covering his 'share' of supporting his family. You're probably throwing 100% of your income and yourself at it - what about him?

We do share toiletries here, btw - but that's not really your point, is it? It's about him taking his children's stuff because he can.

I am with you on this and it drives me mad. We had 12 years in a house with 2 bathrooms and I got out of the habit of having to share with DH. Now we are back to just one and it is awful.

Like you I buy specific toiletries for each of us. Every time I go to have a shower/ wash my hair I find just empty bottles. He uses everyone else's stuff and then just puts the bottle on the side. It wouldn't be so bad if he would say it had run out, or throw away the bottles. Also he WORKS IN A SUPERMARKET but never actually buys any himself. It's not the money, as everything comes out of a joint budget, but the inconvenience.

Does yours also not get the concept of personal towels? I get a clean towel out for me, and the next time I go to use it, it's screwed up on the side of the bath sopping wet. We have hundreds of towels! After having a rant last week about this I went into the bathroom to find he'd used a kitchen hand towel for a shower... Seriously wondering if he has a brain. DD asked him if we had ever had yellow towels in the bathroom. He didn't know.

@Skiptheheartsandflowers

Why is the answer to this that OP can't have the toiletries she likes?

Ask him to pick stuff he likes online and then ask for his bank card to pay for it. If he doesn't agree to that, buy him the biggest bottles of Aldi value stuff to use.

Who said she can’t have toiletries she likes? Not one person.

I would not mind if he asked, but it the cheek of it and I’ve expressed to him that I do not appreciate it. He asked for a thinner cream so I brought him nivea for body and child’s farm for his face which he asked for. I don’t see why you decide to use the little coco last night. He said it was because it was in front of him. I also brought the kids a detangling spray from little coco which is small and expensive again. He buys his own hair stuff now, as he has grown dreads on the pandemic, so it needs different care. He sprayed the kids spray in his hair and was like it smells nice. I said don’t even think about it and had an argument with him about it. I told him to not use it. Roll on a week later he is spraying it in his hair because it smells nice 😑 and I catch him at it. This is what I mean.

*their

I couldn’t get excited about who uses which toiletries, to be honest. There are a range of toiletries in each bathroom. Whoever uses the bathroom uses whether want.
If everyone wants sensitive skin products change entirely to non- methylisothiazolinone toiletries. There are plenty of cheaper ones around. Sanex range are cheap but boots probably do their own.

I put a mix in and just top up as required- some nice L’Occitane items, some less scented, some ordinary like head and shoulders or Sanex.

Sounds like your finances haven’t become married yet and that’s the problem.

If you let him know your money is no longer covering everything and you need him to top you up £50 each week would he do this? If so get that in place and let him get on with it for peace of mind.

Child's farm is 3 for £10 at boots at the moment.

What about using aqueous cream instead for kids? That's quite cheap and he can help himself to that! Don't bother buying him expensive stuff anymore. Just get cheap stuff and he can use that or buy his own.

Don't think it's fair you pay for all toiletries on your part time wage.

How on earth could kids bath creams and hair stuff be £50 a week. A month maybe at an absolute push but not a week.

This whole thing is weird. Just buy more of the stuff he's using. We just have a selection of shower gels and shampoo and everyone here uses what they fancy at the time. Nobody has their own and it all just goes in with weekly shopping.

I think there's a couple of issues here. One being he will use what is there without consideration that it is special for the children. That annoys me.
Two, I've not read properly but groceries/toiletries need to be coming out of a shared pot. Then, if money is not a problem, you can stop buying for men ranges.

He needs to take responsibility for the whole thing. DH doesn't add deodorant to the list for ages because he forgets and uses mine until that runs out too and I buy more of both out of our joint money. Drives me slightly mad, but him using the kids/perscription stuff when he prefers to keeps finances seperate would be my issue here.

@stairgates

If you let him know your money is no longer covering everything and you need him to top you up £50 each week would he do this? If so get that in place and let him get on with it for peace of mind.

And if he doesn't, you will be returning to full time work, and he will have to do more at home (I would put money on the op doing virtually all the housework and looking after the children!!)

I don’t think he does need to take responsibility for the whole thing. They need to do it together, becayse it’s not about toiletries, it’s about money, they are literally arguing over a couple of quid when you consider quantities.

So they need to sit down and sort their finances. This you pay this, I pay that, you top me up is just painful and clearly not working. So they need to sit down and get their finances sorted so they don’t sit arguing over who used who’s sun cream or shampoo. They aren’t flatmates.

Child farm large bottles are £8 and small are £4 any less would be a small bottle. Hence the £8 in my previous post

Stick wages in one account, all bills, nursery, food, kids expenses, clothes etc paid out of that and if spare left over give yourself both the same money paid into your own accounts to do as you please. Then buy more of the kids products out of that joint account so he can use them too.

No, because the man i chose to marry is an adult that is not only able to service his own body (ie buying his own toiletries and wash&groom himself) he also respects other peoples posessions.
He also provides appropriately for his children.

You need to sit down and address your finances and have a conversation about respecting other peoples property.

No, because the man i chose to marry is an adult that is not only able to service his own body (ie buying his own toiletries and wash&groom himself) he also respects other peoples posessions.He also provides appropriately for his children

Lovely, I’m sure she’s delighted to know that.

he I had ago at him this morning he then apologised. Then he just used it again when I took his nivea down for him, which he sad he didn’t know was there. He said he will transfer me some money, but this isn’t good enough. I have demanded a £100 a month, then he can use what ever he likes. He laughed an said no. He’s gone to work now, I am so fuming beyond words. It’s the principle. He knows how angry I am, apologies then does it again in the same breath. No….

£100 a month for kids toiletries is absolutely ridiculous. Are they full of solid gold flakes?

"He pays the bills and I pay for food, house stuff. Medication, nursery. He will top me up if I’m low or we go half’s on things"

Why is your financial set up like this?. How did this come about, was this mainly at his instigation?. I guess it is like this because it gives him more power and control over you. Presumably from what you write above there is no joint account in your household either. He topping up funds if you're low is demeaning to you and he is getting power and control from financial control.

Why are you with him?. How does he treat you day to day?.

Am not all that surprised he has refused your demand of an extra £100 a month. It was always going to be the case that he would refuse this. Such men do not want to ever share but are more than happy to take your share. His apologies too are meaningless particularly as he does this over and over again. You for your own part need to get off this merry go around.

I’m not a bit surprised because £100 extra per month for toiletries when they appear to have little spare in the budget is bloody ridiculous.