Does anyone else’s man use there toiletries or the kids up without buying there own!!!

[Dani6]

I am fuming 😤 and sick and tired of my husband helping himself to mine or the kids toiletries. I buy him his own and yet he still helps himself to ours without asking. I have had ago at him multiple times, but it goes out one ear and out the other. He says he will give me extra money but never does. He just uses stuff because he feels like it e.g just to try it. He never asks though and I feel that is so rude, as I would never take his things without asking. He used to do it to me before we had kids and now he is using the kids things. He will use it up and not even tell you and you will find the contents empty or suddenly half gone. Am I bring petty??? He also uses his up then never tells me, so, he will automatically use the nearest thing near by. Seriously I have had enough of it …..

He used to do it to me before we had kids and now he is using the kids things.

Why did you expect him not to? you knew what he was like.

A hundred quid a month for toiletries? Seriously?

Why aren’t you both dealing with this like grown ups?

Your financial set up is bonkers. You’re a family.

Open a joint account
Put all income into that account
Set up all bills to come out of that account
Pay childcare and food, toiletries anything for the kids and house out that account.
Whatever is left over once everything is paid split in half and send half each to your account and DHs account as your own personal spends and savings.

This is the most bizarre thing ever! Married but won’t share or pay for each other’s shower gel

It annoys me if someone uses that last of something and doesn’t tell me we need more but that’s general across the house not just toiletries. We’ve attempted to solve this with Alexa shopping lists.

Me and DDs use Cozi - can be shared and everyone can add stuff to the list. Whoever is at the shop picks up whatever and I square them up after as I provide day to day living stuff at my house.

I doubt even between the three of us we spend £50 on toiletries every month, much less needing an extra £100 a month. That’s nuts

He sounds like a dick.

• Either joint account and everything goes into there.
• Start putting the stuff you don't want him to get his paws on somewhere else (have a toiletry bag and chuck it all in when you're done and pop in your wardrobe or in a place he wouldn't check)
• Nuclear option - put something stinky but not harmful in the bottles. Let him spray his hair with fart essence or something (I remember my friend used to buy these prank sprays or something) and watch how quickly he stops using them.

Trying to solve a problem of family finances after a confrontation whilst he is on his way to work and you are posting on MN was never a solution.

Find some time when neither of you are distracted or angry to discuss money. You might also want to think about how you both communicate and respect each other. If that’s not possible for you as a couple or individuals then ask why you are together.

One the whole he is a good dad and husband, but he is selfish and tight I have wore him down over the years and he has improved. I know a £100 seems extreme but as I said he will use whatever he feels. E.g say I had a £60 face cream he would use it if he wanted. I buy every toiletry toothpaste tooth brushes, roll on, baby wash creams, nappies. The list goes on. It’s expensive I personally think it is more than that.

@dustyflipflop

He sounds like a dick.

• Either joint account and everything goes into there.
• Start putting the stuff you don't want him to get his paws on somewhere else (have a toiletry bag and chuck it all in when you're done and pop in your wardrobe or in a place he wouldn't check)
• Nuclear option - put something stinky but not harmful in the bottles. Let him spray his hair with fart essence or something (I remember my friend used to buy these prank sprays or something) and watch how quickly he stops using them.

🤣

The reasons I have come on here I need to vent and just see if I’m being unreasonable. I’m too angry to talk to him and he wouldn’t of listened If he was going to work, which is fair enough. I will speak to him about starting a joint account.

Who died and made him king?. You need to more than just vent with this man whom you also describe as a mummys boy. To me he is selfish and does not want to share anything of "his" with you people and that includes money.

I would think you asking for a joint account will also be denied; his response anyway will be telling.

You have not worn him down over the years either; he remains both selfish and tight. If anyone is worn down here it is you sadly. Selfish men like described like supposedly strong women; they see them as an additional challenge to bring down.

You've already said he would give you extra money and never does. He has not changed and will not change either; this is who he is. You have to decide whether you want to keep on living like this or not.

Do you still think he is a good dad and or husband?. Women in poor relationships often write that when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man.

This is so weird. It would never occur to me to ask to use my husbands toiletries. Same with him. Why are you so separate?

I get where you are coming from, OP. Sounds like it is about more than just a bit of face cream. It's the casual disrespect, telling you what you want to hear then just carrying on regardless.

I think a bigger conversation is needed here, he is selfish and needs a huge boot up the arse. I'd stop doing things for him if he refuses to actually talk and compromise with you.

Is it that he's lazy and just uses whatever is in reach and doesn't mention it's almost empty or bother to buy more?

I wonder if you're paying more than he is.. He pays the house and something and you buy everything else.
What would everything else add up to each month and what percentage of your income is that?

I have always shared my things but I cannot when I find that someone else is selfish and just takes, it human instinct. It’s give and take. I know we sound petty but it’s just how it has become. For instance if we went out for dinner before he would bring up he had paid and we would take it in turns. I was full time work then, no kids. Now he just pays with no question after marriage, two kids, and arguments, so it has taken me time to get him to this level of not tit for tat. Obviously it hard to go into every in and out in our relationship. However I agree that he is selfish and does need pulling up on it as he is unaware he is doing it. Which sounds, dumb but seriously 😒 he is an oblivious dope sometimes.

You don't seem to like him very much, perhaps you and your toiletries would be better off without him.

The only problem I see here is your financial set-up - I can't imagine telling DH that he can't use some of the toiletries in the bathroom, or that he has to pay me for them. As PP have said, why can't you share household expenses, and let him use what he wants rather than force him to use products he doesn't like?

OP you sound angry with him over finances in general - this isn’t really about shower gel.

@Bluntness100

No, because the man i chose to marry is an adult that is not only able to service his own body (ie buying his own toiletries and wash&groom himself) he also respects other peoples posessions.He also provides appropriately for his children

Lovely, I’m sure she’s delighted to know that.

💯 to the above. this about our finances. I have no problem in sharing and I buy him what he wants but, this doesn’t seem good enough. He changes his mind about what he likes and I am not his mum. I shouldn’t have to go around and check what he is an isn't using. I am his wife it is a partnership. He is a grown man, if weren’t together he would have to buy his own things. It’s about personal boundaries and respect for one another. He needs to contribute. I used to pay all the bills plus toiletries before the kids. He moved in with me. I just want fairness, is that too much to ask….

This is bonkers, I couldn’t get this worked up over a bit of cream and hair detangler

Just buy an extra tube of whatever and when you notice it’s done, move the extra one to the bathroom and pick up a new one in your shopping.

I can’t get my head around hundreds of pounds a month on kids creams when you’re struggling financially.

Why aren't your finances shared?

You've taken a payment hit by going part time to do the childcare.

and you seem to be paying for everything.

Why?

It's just things and you are married. Neither of you should have to hunt the other person down to ask if they could use a bit of shower gel etc . It's ridiculous and petty . I wouldn't lose sleep over it . From the description of your financial setting , you sound more like roommates than husband and wife