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Original poster

He’s introduced our kids to new ‘interest’ after 4 weeks after divorce & meeting her

80 replies

CloudyDp30 · 26/07/2021 23:17

After 13 years of online betrayals/sex addiction/possibly real encounters (he wouldn’t say yes or no)…. We got divorced. It took 13 weeks and was finalised 5 weeks ago.

Rewind a week ago and he just had to tell me that he was ‘exclusively’ dating someone. We were still sleeping together 3/4 weeks before this….. I was like ok I don’t think I really need to know if she’s not your gf etc but fine….

The kids told me last night on FaceTime that they have spent a few hours with his friend .

HER

I’ve never felt so angry or upset that he’s now involving our kids. They were out in town. He couldn’t just walk by he actually sat down and spent hrs with her. With our kids. He’s known her 4 WEEKS.

I’ve been crying for hours. WTAF is wrong with him.
He thinks he’s not in the wrong as he introduced her as a friend 😡😡😡😡😡😡 😭 😭😭😭😭😭😭.

He made me agree that (because he read it in a book!) we wouldn’t introduce new partners within 2yrs of the divorce. Our children are 7 and 11…..which is excessive but 4 weeks of knowing someone. Are you kidding me.

His excuse was he ‘bumped’ into her and he didn’t know what to do etc yet the kids mentioned they messaged to meet up. So he lied. Like he has done for the past 13yrs.

Now the kids have been upset because they don’t understand why I was upset on the phone (I thought he was calling me back but it was them). They keep asking me why I was upset with them seeing Laura.

He could have called/told me about this ‘meeting’ before the kids did. He’s created this mess.
Now I feel like I can’t trust what he’ll do with the kids and he’s a sex addict. It could be someone else next week!!!!

I’m so mad 😡 xx 😭 😭

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 26/07/2021 23:20

Hes known her longer than 4 weeks @CloudyDp30.

Original poster
CloudyDp30 · 26/07/2021 23:23

I believe that too. Yet he tells me the dates etc and says he knows it will be something like he did with me blah blah.. he said the first date was a week after our divorce and she knows everything and I can talk to her if I like. As if she knows anything at all about me. Or his addictions

OP posts:
Ismellyou · 26/07/2021 23:23

I agree it sounds like he knew her earlier. If you haven't already, stop sleeping with him.

Sorry you're feeling this way

Original poster
CloudyDp30 · 26/07/2021 23:26

Oh don’t worry from the day we got divorced that stopped…. I feel like he can hurt me but bring my kids into it. That’s another story

OP posts:
Katedanielshasakitty · 26/07/2021 23:27

Its been longer than 4 weeks. Alot longer.

My exh moved on with a woman 12 weeks after it was finalised. It did last long.

Unfortunately, you can't stop him
I found it easier to keep my mouth shut and just concentrate on giving the kids stability here. A few years down the line, he has just broke off his 3rd engagment and the kids don't talk to him anymore.

Mermaidwaves · 26/07/2021 23:33

I'm sorry OP it will have been longer. My exH impregnated another woman 6 months after we separated. I've very recently found out that he was seeing her well before we split despite him swearing blind that he met her afterwards. I'm devastated because I should have trusted my gut. I feel for you Flowers

Original poster
CloudyDp30 · 26/07/2021 23:34

If it’s part of his sex addiction though & he’s emotionally involving our kids with potentially multiple women surely that can be discussed on a childcare consent order?

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 26/07/2021 23:34

Yet he tells me the dates etc and says he knows it will be something like he did with me blah blah.. he said the first date was a week after our divorce...

"I met her a week after we split up/divorced/I moved out. is one of the oldest and most used lies in the book.

TooBigForMyBoots · 26/07/2021 23:36

Unfortunately he can introduce the children to anyone, any time. It will only be taken into consideration if they are at risk.

Original poster
CloudyDp30 · 26/07/2021 23:38

Thank you all ❤️❤️❤️
I’ve never known anyone turn into such a horrible person. The car was smoking..He said not my problem anymore. He’s been logged into my messages for 6 mths because it would make him feel less guilty if I was up to no good too. He of course never found anything. He logged into and read my emails to my counsellor. He sold the lawnmower for our garden (for the kids) when he doesn’t have grass.
It’s laughable. I could go on!! Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
CloudyDp30 · 26/07/2021 23:42

The next option is to move back to our family and friends….. we are here going through all of this on our own

OP posts:
MrsMaizel · 26/07/2021 23:56

Why on earth were you still sleeping with a man you were getting a divorce from ?

StarryStarrySocks · 27/07/2021 00:00

Crying for hours over your kids meeting this woman? Really? It's not great but I think that's a massive overreaction.

Katedanielshasakitty · 27/07/2021 00:02

@CloudyDp30

If it’s part of his sex addiction though & he’s emotionally involving our kids with potentially multiple women surely that can be discussed on a childcare consent order?
That would be extremely difficult.

He can introduce them to 20 or 30 or 40 'friends'.

The only way I could see for you to stop this is to stop him seeing the kids. And I am not suggesting that.

But if he is deemed competent to look after and them and see them on his own, he is also deemed competent to choose who they interact with.

You could move. But if it's very far away, he could block that too
Or at least try to.

fallfallfall · 27/07/2021 00:09

sex addict s u r e....sounds like a handy excuse.
he's a liar and the kids will see though his constant string of women OR all his bs was just a way to get rid of you.
either way he will be single in his mind and acting like an idiot.

Sampafie · 27/07/2021 06:22

Why are you sleeping with a man who has a sex addiction? Arent you worried of getting diseases?

lannistunut · 27/07/2021 06:28

You need to disengage.

This relationship won't hurt the kids, if it lasts they will get to know her, if it doesn't she will be history soon.

You need to focus on you and your home. Yes he's dreadful, but you are free and can offer a good home to your children. Don't slag him off but don't lie either about him, try to be less emotional about him (hard I know).

Good luck!

DoingItMyself · 27/07/2021 06:35

Yes, he's known her for ages, sleeping with her all along.
Fair enough, you've been having sex with him too, get tested.
Also disentangle your life from his - how can he get into your email? Change your password.
Stop worrying about what he does. Eventually your children will understand what he's like. Give it ten years.
Fill your own life with so much good stuff that you never give him a thought.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 27/07/2021 06:42

He's probably been shagging her for months before that.

Kittykat93 · 27/07/2021 07:48

Also confused if he was such a shit your while marriage why were you still sleeping with him after the split? Especially if you know he's shagging around. And unfortunately there isn't anything you can do about him introducing women to your children. It's one of the horrible things about being separated im afraid. It sucks though.

Bluntness100 · 27/07/2021 07:53

I’m sorry op, I think this is just a shock to you that he’s openly moved on. He is an equal parent and can introduce the kids to who he pleases, he introduced them as a friend, which is fine, it only becomes not fine if he has a constant parade of friends, and that’s yet to be seen.

I suspect this isn’t about the kids, it’s just showing you it’s absolutely over. You need time to heal and get over him,. 💐

MondayYogurt · 27/07/2021 07:57

OP if you haven't already, please get STI tested.

Getbehindme · 27/07/2021 08:02

Yes, it is all shit and he's a shit....BUT.

I think you have it in your power to change some of this, or at least protect yourself and your kids.

Stop sleeping with him
Change your passwords and log out of all shared devices or accounts
Stop reacting to him.
Stop reacting in front of the kids.

This last one is important, you say they got upset because you got upset.

I know it's shit that you have to be the better person, in fact it's bloody exhausting. But you might have to learn to stop showing him it matters to you, keep a neutral face for the kids and start to move on with your own life.

CJsGoldfish · 27/07/2021 08:10

The kids will follow your lead and you're the one that has made this an issue.
Crying for hours over it, or rather, being someone who would, is far more damaging than your ex introducing a 'friend'. Making a big deal about it to the children to such an extent they are questioning you on why it's wrong has ensured it now IS a big deal for them and they will now have to manage their reaction for you. It is appalling to put that on the children.

You need to find a way to deal with this that isn't going to negatively impact or hurt your children.

Original poster
CloudyDp30 · 27/07/2021 08:34

I did get tested all ok. It was only online betrayals until one of his friends let slip that they didn’t think that was the case….

Cleared all passwords and change them regularly. He’s in IT and had set up QR codes from my phone and linked to his computer somehow?!

I wasn’t crying for hrs infront of my kids I was alone for 3 days when this happened…. I was on the phone to him upset and thought it was him calling me back but it was one of the kids…. That’s how they know I was upset about something. I haven’t really explained what. I just said it’s between daddy and I.
X

OP posts: