He’s introduced our kids to new ‘interest’ after 4 weeks after divorce & meeting her

[CloudyDp30]

After 13 years of online betrayals/sex addiction/possibly real encounters (he wouldn’t say yes or no)…. We got divorced. It took 13 weeks and was finalised 5 weeks ago.

Rewind a week ago and he just had to tell me that he was ‘exclusively’ dating someone. We were still sleeping together 3/4 weeks before this….. I was like ok I don’t think I really need to know if she’s not your gf etc but fine….

The kids told me last night on FaceTime that they have spent a few hours with his friend .

HER

I’ve never felt so angry or upset that he’s now involving our kids. They were out in town. He couldn’t just walk by he actually sat down and spent hrs with her. With our kids. He’s known her 4 WEEKS.

I’ve been crying for hours. WTAF is wrong with him.
He thinks he’s not in the wrong as he introduced her as a friend 😡😡😡😡😡😡 😭 😭😭😭😭😭😭.

He made me agree that (because he read it in a book!) we wouldn’t introduce new partners within 2yrs of the divorce. Our children are 7 and 11…..which is excessive but 4 weeks of knowing someone. Are you kidding me.

His excuse was he ‘bumped’ into her and he didn’t know what to do etc yet the kids mentioned they messaged to meet up. So he lied. Like he has done for the past 13yrs.

Now the kids have been upset because they don’t understand why I was upset on the phone (I thought he was calling me back but it was them). They keep asking me why I was upset with them seeing Laura.

He could have called/told me about this ‘meeting’ before the kids did. He’s created this mess.
Now I feel like I can’t trust what he’ll do with the kids and he’s a sex addict. It could be someone else next week!!!!

I’m so mad 😡 xx 😭 😭

Tbh op, if he us a narcissist then theres no point in having him resign agreements. They don't care about your boundaries. Infact, boundaries are a red flag to them. Also, that whole two year idea is preposterous anyway. Sorry, but be fair.

Also, I think you have to be honest with yourself that the reason this bothers you is because you havent dealt with your feelings for him. Honestly them meeting a woman this early is not a really big deal. It's unlikely she is a threat to them like a new man might be. Just tell them that daddy is dating right now and so he might meet a few new women for a while and they shouldnt get too attached to any one of them, just incase. Problem solved. No need to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Block him on all forms of contact bar one. Only reply to communication about the kids. Keep reading up on narcissists (npd) and work on detaching your feelings asap.

Omg. REALLY?! You are just a bundle of joy aren’t you. I hope you never have to go through such a thing
Yes, really.
I have been through something similar. I had also seen the games played and damaged (to the children) caused by parents using the children in those games. As devastated as I was, I knew I never wanted the children caught up in that.

They’ve not upset me and they know that. I have also not said anything in front of them about remaining loyal to me
Semantics. You know YOUR actions/reactions will ensure the children are 'loyal' to you and do whatever they need to to make sure you don't get upset again. No matter what you may tell them afterwards, they will be smart enough to connect their words to your upset. I don't believe for a second you don't know this. You are just saying the 'right' things to minimise your actions.

His excuse was he ‘bumped’ into her and he didn’t know what to do etc yet the kids mentioned they messaged to meet up
Mentioned, my arse. This is manipulation right here.

They have also been quite upset and haven’t stop asking questions about why she has made me upset which then starts your potential new relationship already on a negative
As is this. 100%
Your children are upset because YOU made them upset by putting any of this on them. They will absolutely blame themselves no matter what you may tell them after they've seen the results of their own words to you. The burden of keeping you happy will cause all manner of stress unless you take stock of what you are doing.

You are angry with posters on here but really you are angry with yourself.
For still investing in him right up to your divorce.
I bet he loves that you are still fighting for him doing the pick me dance while he is clearly enjoying being single.
Sex addiction....my ex claimed the same. Its a choice. Has he ever sought help? Tried to overcome it?
No! You kept clinging to him whatever he does.
You need to let go of this dirty dawg and treat him as father of your DC nothing more.
Do not give him the satisfaction of even caring.
Its hard OP I been there too, but getting rid was a blessing. You are still so consumed with him, playing games. Games that will end in tears. Keep your dignity on this and look at chump lady website. So sorry you going through this.

Op I've been where you are. The best way to deal with him is to totally minimise contact and grey rock him. Your kinda playing into his hands right now and I know it hurts.
But you're a lot smarter and are worth more than this.
Don't let him win.
Don't show your upset.
Pretend like you're living your best life until you realise you actually are (without him)

@CloudyDp30, where you are sucks, your broken heart is causing you so much pain, it's hard to breathe, nevermind think straight.

Something that helps is to look around your house. Remove any items that you didn't like/only tolerated because it was his home too. And do/buy something that you have always wanted but he never approved of. You can't control what he does, but you can do up your house any way you want.

Keep him at a distance and create a happy, safe home for you and your children. Hearts heal given the right environment.💞