Help me heal after husband left me with newborn

[HunterRain]

Devonmum2021

Hi All,
Long post and my first time here.
My husband and I had been together 7 years and a week before our first child was born he told me he was unhappy and unsure he wanted to stay in our marriage.
5 weeks after DC arrived in a heated argument he said he wanted out all together. He stayed in the house sleeping in spare room. He had no where to go his family and friends live in a different city.
I was heartbroken but for weeks had my suspicions about another woman being involved as he had just started a new job and his behaviour had changed so quickly and our marriage was very happy before this. We were loved up best friends before all this. So low and behold he then got caught out and yes there was another woman.
He protested it was nothing physical but got caught out on various lies along the way. I kicked him out as he showed no remorse and didn’t own his actions.
It’s been a few weeks He’s now living elsewhere and I’ve set some boundaries on when to see our newborn.

I know there is no way back from this betrayal so I’m reaching out to anyone who’s been through similar as I’m desperate to heal this pain. It’s like he has no comprehension of what he’s done and what he’s thrown away for the sake of someone he’s known a few months.
My heart breaks for my little one and the loss of the dream family we always talked about.

Any experiences would be greatly appreciated because I have no friends who have been through this. Trying to be a new mum but now heartbroken and single is becoming an overwhelming pain.

Thanks

I've not had your horrible experience thankfully but just want to say how sorry I am for your heartbreak. I'm sure plenty of others here will be able to offer advice etc and I do hope you and your baby get all the support and help you need irl too.

Aww op. I was in your position 10 years ago.
I wish I hadve had your strength. I didn't and took him back. We limped on for another 6 years till he was caught out again after a year long affair.
I can honestly say I really wish I had let him go ten years ago.
It's not easy being a single mum but you will get through it.
My baby was ten last week and is the happiest wee man ever.
My four see their dad regularly and I'm a lot healthier not having to worry what he's up to.
Look after yourself xx

Thank you both.
Not sure why it isn’t letting me reply properly I’m the OP (changed username)

I don’t feel strong. I feel helpless and hopeless to be honest I just want to shake the pain of his betrayal

God I hate men OP but you will see it's so much better you found out what scum he was now than 10 years down the line and more children but I've been there and I know it hurts like hell.
My exH of 20 years who I considered to be my soul mate dumped me and walked out for some woman he's only met a few weeks before.
I brought up my DS alone and it's ok, we did ok. You will be ok too but you need time to get your head round it and deal with your feelings.
Giving birth is a terrible time for this to happen, so many emotions, he is an absolute prick for doing this to you and I'm just so sorry. I wish I could give you a massive hug and make it all go away.

I had this happen to me. The depth of the betrayal and the pain I felt. The fact it should of been the happiest time in our lives but he was with another women. I thought I would never get over it. With time I have and I have those memories of just me with my newborn. He doesn’t get that same privilege.

I’m so sorry this has happened now. I kept thinking how it could of been, or how it should of been. Please be gentle with yourself, you’ve just given birth and that’s enough for anyone to handle. Just keep all contact brief, and take it day by day. You will get there eventually I promise

Be kind to yourself op- just keep telling yourself that it will get better, you will be happy again, that this other woman has landed herself a man who cheats on his pregnant partner- what a prize

I thanks everyone. I know I can’t believe she would even sink her teeth into a man who’s married with a baby on the way.
I can’t seem to let go of the dream, that this would be us 3 against the world, it’s all so shocking to me and all our friends and family.

My ExDp left me and my daughter when she was 2. We reconciled when she was 5, despite him not being in contact all that time. Bought a house (in my name) lost 2 babies, did the house up in credit (in my name) then got pg for 4th time. All went well but he left when I was 9 weeks pregnant. Out of the blue. No support over the intervening years/ some maintenance but nothing reliable. He had no real interest and messed the girls around for years. I continued to work full time and bring them up alone. Eldest is 19, ‘baby’ is 11. You can do this. He’s an arse. So sorry you have such a dick for their dad but you will be a super mum!!! Good luck xxx

How awful and shocking I’m so sorry OP.
You will get through this.
(I think you forgot to name change - you can report your post to get it changed / deleted).

This happened to me 15 years ago. We had a 21 month old and our DD was due by C section in two weeks and he just upped and left. Said he'd changed his mind and it wasn't what he wanted any more.
He'd been having an affair too.
It almost broke me. He was my best friend and I thought we'd be together forever.
But you just get on with it. One day at a time. You have to for your DC. You put a fake smile on your face and carry on. And then one day you'll realise that actually it's not a fake smile any more. Your DC will get you through the worst times, and hopefully you have family and friends who will be there for you.
7 years ago I met my DP. He's so good with my DC, unlike my ex, who is a total arse and not even the tiniest bit interested in them.
Sending you a massive hand hold, along with an absolute guarantee that it DOES get better ❤️‍🩹
💐💐💐

I always think there’s some inherently horrible and selfish about men who leave with really tiny children. Because they ‘can’t cope’ or ‘need time’ or whatever.

It happened to me when ds was 17 months old. He’s 27 now, and l think his father is just a twat.

I find it absolutely horrendous that these men pretend everything is ok then just randomly have an affair or leave. How can they do that.

Oh OP. I was also in your shoes 9 years ago. My then husband left when DD was a couple of weeks old. It turned out he was having an affair with a colleague.

It was tough in the beginning but as you don't have an option you just get on with it. It was also tough financially. But I worked hard, and nine years on my DD is the light of my life. We have the closest relationship. I have met someone else and we have been together for 6 years. Have to more children. My career has gone really well. I couldn't be happier.

Wishing you all the best. I really hope things work out for you.

Bastard!! You will be ok op, sadly many of us have been in the same position on here and won through.

Sorry to hear this.
I am single parent of eight years and out the other side.

Still have my rocky times but not for one moment am I sorry that i left him, he has no hold over me anymore and I am my own woman.

Dd doing well also. You got this.

Wow thank you for responses.
It’s so amazing to hear these success stories you all sound so strong and totally winning at life ! I really hope I can get there too.
How can you marry someone and then just because they meet someone they become weak and completely change?! I never ever miss trusted him I never saw it coming !

I think lots of us never saw it coming. What a bastard to leave a newborn. Sometimes feels like an act of violence it’s so hard to process and understand.

I’m so sorry OP, it sucks right now and there are no two ways around it, but I promise in 5 years you’ll be glad that man is out of your life. It takes a particular kind of sob to walk out on his wife and newborn.

It’s not happened to me but a dear friend. They’d been together about 6 years, had one DC, married about 18 months and he walked out when she was about 6 months pregnant with twins! They conceived the twins through IVF too (first was natural) so it was hardly a surprise. He left her with 3 under 3 and has never seen them since.

You’ve been through some shit, would you be open to some counselling? Have you got a strong support network of family and friends to support you through this? Xx

It’s definitely a “special” type of woman who has an affair with a man who’s about to become a Daddy.

I would be worried he’d want the baby to meet her too.

Hang in there, it will get easier

He really is a bastard op, its not just the leaving you with a newborn but also gaslighting you whilst you were physically and mentally vulnerable to hide his shame.

I hope your being truthful with people as to the reason he's left, don't let him rewrite history in the future.

Thanks again ladies.
I have a great support around me, family and friends have been by my side daily. He has no one here all his family and friends are in a different city. Although he has her now I guess.
And yes I have major concerns of her being around my child. She is in no way a role model to my child and I’d question if she has e capability to be caring tbh.

And yes I have thankfully set up counselling to start in a little over a week !

This happened to me last year OP, he left when our baby was 10 weeks old.

He too had met someone else at work, he lied to me about it for months and months, leading me on.

I found out about the other women about 8 weeks ago and he has been moved out for nearly a year.

I didn't know how I was going to get through it honestly, like you I didn't see it coming.

I had some counselling and I am on a low dose of anti depressants.

I never thought I would be happy again, I still have moments where like you I miss the family I always thought we would be. But there is happiness. My baby makes me laugh everyday and I feel so lucky to have her.

I still miss him, but I know I am better off without him. Before I would have done anything to get him back. Now I know, although it hurts, it is the right thing for me and my child.

I know it's annoying to say but time does help, and as my baby has got older it has just got more and more enjoyable and more and more easy.

Those early days are tough, just do what you need to get through the days. I think it takes years to get over a betrayal like this, I wouldn't say I am completely there but I am definitely a lot happier. I can talk about it without crying and I can go out without feeling anxious about someone asking me about him.

PM me if you ever need someone to chat too xxx

Yes my friends and family know everything I do. I’ve also told his friends who have also been a great support to me and they are disgusted with him. I’ve tried to tell his parents but I’m certain he’s denied it all. He was asked upfront by his parents if there was anyone else involved and he point blank lied to them. They aren’t the supportive type though to him so they’ll just let him get on with it