Help me heal after husband left me with newborn

[HunterRain]

Devonmum2021

Hi All,
Long post and my first time here.
My husband and I had been together 7 years and a week before our first child was born he told me he was unhappy and unsure he wanted to stay in our marriage.
5 weeks after DC arrived in a heated argument he said he wanted out all together. He stayed in the house sleeping in spare room. He had no where to go his family and friends live in a different city.
I was heartbroken but for weeks had my suspicions about another woman being involved as he had just started a new job and his behaviour had changed so quickly and our marriage was very happy before this. We were loved up best friends before all this. So low and behold he then got caught out and yes there was another woman.
He protested it was nothing physical but got caught out on various lies along the way. I kicked him out as he showed no remorse and didn’t own his actions.
It’s been a few weeks He’s now living elsewhere and I’ve set some boundaries on when to see our newborn.

I know there is no way back from this betrayal so I’m reaching out to anyone who’s been through similar as I’m desperate to heal this pain. It’s like he has no comprehension of what he’s done and what he’s thrown away for the sake of someone he’s known a few months.
My heart breaks for my little one and the loss of the dream family we always talked about.

Any experiences would be greatly appreciated because I have no friends who have been through this. Trying to be a new mum but now heartbroken and single is becoming an overwhelming pain.

Thanks

Sorry to be the second person to jump on this thread but I found out just before Christmas that my husband is cheating on me. We have a 19 month old and I’m 8 months pregnant. Reading this thread is so inspiring right now, particularly given the massively positive update given. Thank you so much OP and all the responders. Having such a hard time at the moment and really needed this positivity and also practicality re newborn access.

@Ktrina I was in a similar position 8 yrs ago. I was 7 months pregnant and had a 4 yr old too! Honestly though as tough as it is and will prob be the hardest thing you go through, you will come through it and reap the benefits. My children and I are so so close because I have been the secure, reliable one their whole lives. They have a relationship with their dad but it's very superficial and they now see him for who he is which is sad but I can't change who he is.

Just take each day as it comes, put yourself and your children first before anything else. Oh and always accept help when offered from family/friends.

Hands down my lifeline back then was buying a running buggy and running with my children. It saved my sanity!!

Christmas can be a rubbish and I'm sorry.

‘Cannot change who he is’ this is what I’ve been grappling with the most. I really want him to understand the gravity of what he has done, but I need to accept he will not do and move on. It’s heartbreaking. And I continue to put his feelings ahead of my own, but it is such early days still.

im a runner too! Really looking forward to booking things in that I can do that feel good for me. Might tackle a very wet park run tomorrow for starters.

thanks for sharing your experience, it massively helps xx

@Ktrina no worries at all. It is very early days but just keep thinking of you and not him. I remember my ex still wanted to be at the birth but I told him I could no longer trust him and sadly he had ruined that opportunity as I needed someone I could trust. He has missed out on so so much and it really is breath taking to think he chose to walk away from 2 amazing children.

Buy a running buggy, run while they sleep, my son slept so well when he was in the buggy. Furthest I did was 10 miles whilst eldest was at a party and youngest had his afternoon sleep in the buggy. I felt like a woman in control and the juggling and multi tasking was unreal but it felt great when it all came together!

Also meet other single parents, it's great to have friends that get it!!

I have all those thoughts about the birth too. But haven’t told him yet. He will assume he can be there. With the love I have for them I cannot comprehend how their other parent could act like this. Really helpful to know our emotional response is the same.
10 miles, that is incredible! You must have felt like super woman.
joined some Facebook groups but hopefully find some local people I can hang with xx

I cannot believe how many of us have been in this position. How completely awful.
I let my husband be at the birth and even though there is a huge part of me that regrets it, it's the choice I made and I have to live with that. I think I would have felt the same had I chosen the opposite too. The position they put us in is such a difficult one, and I'm still so incredibly angry.

Hi Ktrina similar situation here with a new baby. Feel free to message me would love to connect with someone going through it

Can I ask how you have been getting on? X

How has things developed since? I am now in your position

Life is better than I ever imagined it could be ! Three years on practically and even though my life did a full 180 and there were many struggles along the way it's better in every way possible ! I posted an update a few messages back but my advice is to lean on your support (friends family outlets like this) prioritise yourself and keep you head held high ! X

Great update well done!

Very pleased for you 💪

Sorry sab the farmer I am another one this happened to
You will get through it. A few years on your child will be at school - and you will wonder how you did it!