My Mum has a new partner. They've been dating for a couple of months, and she's seemed very happy, and I was genuinely pleased for her, as I know she longs for companionship.
However, I finally met him last week (staying with Mum for a couple of weeks as we hadn't seen her for almost a year), and I am really concerned. He's clearly love-bombing her, in my opinion (and her best friend's, we spoke yesterday). They don't live together, but he has come over every day, often unexpectedly, so I've not been able to spend any one-on-one time with my Mum. She asked him to come less often so she can spend some alone time with me and her grandkids, and he said it's not fair to push him out because we're around.
I've noticed in general that he can be controlling (too many little instances to list) and doesn't respect boundaries, and her best friend has seen it too. I'm cutting my stay short because I can't bear to be around him any longer. She did say, 'it's because he's always here, isn't it?' I only told her that I'm happy for her, but he's still a stranger to me, and I can't spend every day with him, it's a bit much. She said she was sad that I'm 'taking her grandkids away', but I'll be staying nearby, so she can visit (every day if she wants to) whilst we're in town.
He called during her lunch break today (she was WFH); if he's not physically present, he video calls constantly; he complained about me because I didn't let him take my kids alone to the park yesterday. I could hear my Mum saying, 'well, she's just met you, any parent would do the same'. But she kept apologising profusely and reassuring him that she trusts him and loves him. The conversation was weird, manipulative and intense. She walked past me shortly after with tears in her eyes. I asked if she was okay, and she said, 'oh yes, just my manager stressing me out' - she didn't know I eavesdropped overheard.
I don't know what to do. I want to speak up. I considered just sending her a link to the definition of love bombing. My husband says if I say anything to her, it will look like I'm just jealous that her relationship means I get less time with her (I'm not) and that I have to wait for the 'right time'. But surely there's no right time to tell someone you love that you are worried they are in an abusive relationship. He also said she's a grown up and I should leave her to it. On one hand, this makes sense, but she's my Mum - it feels wrong to be this worried (I can't sleep!) and not say anything.
Does anyone have any advice?