What do I do?

[nurserynurse97]

Help needed.

Backstory - early twenties, five year relationship. Partner has children with ex. I take on the role of SP and have done since early on.

Working and studying full time also.

So! I'm nearing the end of a two week break in which we had my partner children for. He worked the first week and took second off. He has fished, golfed, had nights out and all that jazz. I've had a ten minute shop in primark and even that was cut short because the kids can't behave.

I've recently come to the decision I think I'd like my own children but I can't deal with how spoilt his kids are and how much they get away with.

I feel like I've missed out a part of my younger years and I'm starting to feel resentful, even though it isn't his fault. But we never do anything g outside of having the kids. We don't go on holiday, go on trips and I have to bully him into coming into Tesco park with me! There's obviously so much more to it but my question is:

Do I leave him or am I just having a 'moment' and should I shut up and be happy someone's settled with me?

Any advice welcome.

His Mum can sod off.

Read the opening post of this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4303740-I-dumped-my-BF-and-bought-a-horse-photo

The world is your bloody oyster, OP, you could do anything you want - you're young, you have so many opportunities you are missing out on by being stuck with this boring bloke in a boring nothing life, looking after his kids and being bossed around by his fucking mum with nothing to look forward to but more of the same.

You might love him but he doesn't love you. Sorry to be harsh but he doesn't. You don't treat someone you love like the nanny.

This isn't love its exploitation. You need to do some time on your own as much as it scares you to build up your self worth.

@MrsFelicianoLopez

F*ing hell. Should you be happy that someone has settled with you????? What is he, God?? No you shouldn’t be happy. He’s a selfish wanker who’s using you for free childcare. Dump him and find someone who’s worthy of you, and who’s worthy of being chosen to be the father of your children!

👆

Get out now.
Can you go to your Mums temporarily?
If you're working you should be able to re t somewhere.
Please don't settle for this.

Oh my god OP you poor woman you are being taken for an absolute mug here. At the cost of a few nice words to you, when you are absolutely desperate, he gets childcare, sex, independence and fucking doubtless a clean house nice food and his washing done. And it costs him A FEW NICE WORDS.

He sounds like a bit of a loser. Well, a massive loser actually - and taking advantage of you. Definitely better off without him xxx

Please don't settle for being the nanny. I guarantee you will hate him a few years down the line for robbing you of all your opportunities and never giving you even the crumbs.

So sad.

BIN THE SELFISH FUCKER.

@ab1907

So he is in his late 20's. I was single for years before I met him and have a bit of trauma from my Dad so I know I'm sort of settling. But I do genuinely love him, despite his flaws. Everytime I bring up the kid thing all o get is 'fine I won't ask you to help' and then his Mum gives me a hard time for not pulling my weight so I just do everything.

He's decided to take me out for a drink. I hope he hasn't heard me grumbling!

THIS IS SO FUCKING HARD

Fuck his Mum, they are absolutely not your responsibility! Leave OP it will get worse, I'm sorry to say he's using you as an unpaid and overworked Nanny. You really do deserve better, the longer you leave it the worse it will get. He's taking the absolute piss!

You're really lucky actually. You've had a brilliant demonstration of what a useless, lazy dad he is without actually having to have children with him. You are really young and time is on your side. Don't have kids with him. He won't change

He's not treating you with respect, this isn't love, get out while you don't have kids together.

His mum is being horrible to you because she knows that if you stop caring for the kids, it will all fall back to her. God forbid Mr Best Dad Ever should parent his own kids.

You can do far, far better than this.

Is this how you want to remember your 20s? It will be gone in a breath. Answer one question, why are his bratty kids your problem?

His kids are a handful but I love them very much. And that's what's making this so much more painful. I do think I should tell him how I feel but I'm unsure how that conversation would go down and at the end of the day to outsiders, I'd be the bad one by stepping back.

I have no confidence. I literally don't see a life without him.

Oh my goodness, get out now! I think at the very least you need some time away from him where you're not providing free childcare for a man who'd rather play golf than spend time with you and HIS children. If it was just a quick afternoon of golf I'd let it go, but sounds like it's part of a self- indulgent, sexist lifestyle.

1. Honestly, why on earth would you care what outsiders think? Their opinions mean nothing. Mostly you will find that people dont care much what you do anyway. The only people who might care are those that have something to lose - him and his mum.

1. You need to stop focusing on what he says, look at what he does. He will say he loves you and promise you the earth to get you to stay. Then make a half arsed effort for a few weeks and then revert to type. His life is set up exactly how it suits him and he has effectively delegated all the hard work of parenting to someone who he doesn't pay and doesn't even treat well. He won't let that go without a fight.

Fuck that shit. Don't discuss it, he will only try to manipulate you. Just pack up and go.

Learning to be okay on your own is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Knowing you are okay by yourself means you don’t put up with shitty relationships.

Get your money together and rent a small place and just go, maybe look into university halls if you want to meet others. You dont need a conversation, just go. You could be dong anything you want this time next week.

Do you think hes reading your online stuff?

Really you are much stronger than you believe you can be at this moment. What kind of life do you imagine you will have with this man long term, do you see yourself growing old with him and do you believe he really respects you, or is it the case that you provide convenience for the life he has created for himself and his previous relationship.

You have the power to create a new life for yourself, what would you really love to do, where could you imagine yourself living and who could you envisage yourself being with, think about what that could be, develop an exit strategy for yourself and don't be swayed by his opinion until you have really considered the possibilities. Do something positive for yourself if only small and you will start to build your confidence from there.

I'm really sorry you are in this situation.

Be glad you don't have children with him, so you can get out relatively easily.

In future, do not give your love to someone who treats you as the childcare and bit on the side. Just be glad you are not tied to him.

What have you learned about relationships that you are prepared to be his childcare and mistress, knowing that he isn't interested in getting married to you.

No wonder he thinks he is lucky. This really should stop now.

This is your time, don't waste it providing free childcare to this user. You have got this. Your life will get better and better once you ditch him.

I do see myself growing old with him and having a baby but I do see myself being left to do a lot! He says when the kids are a bit older we can travel but the kids mum (and please no hate here) is very flaky and I do think we will have to rake on more responsibility as they get older.

Money is a big barrier. I stayed on my own from 18-20 and got myself into debt. Not major but enough to cause issues. I don't pay for much living with him now as he has a good job. Probably another reason I do what I do. I've never split up with someone before and despite all his faults, he actually is a nice person and I'd hate to actually break his heart. Not that I don't think he'd have someone by the weekend after. But still.

Why would you give a shit about what he thinks
He clearly doesn’t give a shit about you
And his mum tell her to fuck off she should be ashamed that she has such a useless tosser of a son
She doesn’t want you going anywhere because she knows she will end up in your place
Honestly your so young don’t waste a minute more of your life on this twat

He’s treating you like a dog
When you complain about something
( bark ) he chucks you a bone
( meal out )
It’s keeps the dog quiet for a bit and he will throw you another bone to keep you quiet longer
If you like being treated like a dog then stay with him
It’s your life