My marriage is over

[Problem100]

So after a rough 4 years my marriage is done. We are together over 20 years and married for 14. I had an affair four years ago, lasted 6 weeks, DH found out but wanted me back. He told everybody what happened. I ended up moving our children from the school because of it. He has been mentally emotionally and physically since the affair. He tells the children I don't love them and I'm a drunk both not true. This afternoon he pinched my son on the arm and he cried, looked at my sons arms and he has numerous small bruises. My son said its from play fighting with his sister. When I confronted DH he grabbed me by the arm and pushed me over the sofa and said I was a bitch trying to cause trouble. I went to bed and he followed me saying I'm done with you and you will not get me out of this house, I will make it so mentally unbearable for you that you will leave. I'm a SAHM since my second dd was born. My husband earns 90k and pays the mortgage. I don't know what to do. I'm not in the UK, I'm in Ireland. No family support or friends.

Just read the full thread. DJ you now have all the passports to go on holiday?

Yes I have all the passports. I have his too.

@Problem100

Yes I have all the passports. I have his too.

Good for you.

Keep your head held high, stick to your plans and stay true to you and your dc

@Problem100

Thank you *@ItPearl*, you have given me so much advice. I'm forever grateful.

You're welcome. I'm just sitting here typing. I've been through it and I know how hard it is. I am glad I got away from the lunatic though. He didn't make it easy, of course not, they never do.

BUT... one day you'll be in my shoes, knowing it's BEHIND YOU.

When I had social welfare going in to my account every week, i felt so safe. I trusted welfare more than I trusted him.

I have a job now (in case anybody gives out to me :-p)

Oh wow, you are my inspiration. I hope to get there someday. All I want is peace.

You'll get there. It is tough. But yeh, when I had my own front door finally, tiny freezing rented house but I wasn't living in dread of his key in the door, I was able to enjoy simple things like a cup of tea or the cross word for the first time in YEARS. A crime book, a lucky find in a charity shop.

I did have a lot of anxiety of course. I still have ''form phobia'!! It triggers me! Takes me back to 2007. All the reams of forms I had to fill in. I'll never forget. But i threw myself in to the system. I ended up having 8 sessions of psychotherapy on the HSE. I never even asked for them. They could just see I was a basket case.

One thing at a time.
That is how I got through it. If I couldn't afford ballet lessons, I couldn't afford ballet lessons. If I couldn't be in two places at once, I missed the least important of the two. Just. One. Step. at a Time.

Wishin you the best OP.
You are in my prayers tonight.

@itpearl
Great posts.

While nobody wants you to risk him getting physical with you or the kids , he is definitely bluffing.
Just because he threatens you does not actually mean any if it is true.He does not get to decide maintenance , contact or house on his terms alone.
My STBX also threatened to not pay mortgage - who will they chase for payment? Not SAHM but the 90k earner. €100k equity for yourself would be a pretty good start for you, especially if you were to start working again .

Glad to see that you are contacting all the agencies advised . It will be a lot of paperwork, etc. to deal with so prepare yourself . Don't know if it is a good idea to leave the country with him . Perhaps others can advise. Are no accounts in your name or in joint ones ? What about Child Benefits? Empty what you can , take details of payslips, pensions , mortgage broker.
Enlist any help you can , mist people would be glad to help you in the circumstance.