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DH and his change of porn preference - help

47 replies

WellItsAnotherNameChange · 16/07/2021 19:49

I've name changed for obvious reasons!

I discovered this morning that DH has been watching ‘shemale’ porn (the terminology used for the titles of the videos/gifs - I apologise if that actual word is offensive!).

Our DC’s play with DH’s old phone which is synched to his current phone, so anything he searches for, still shows up on his old phones internet history. One of the DC’s was jabbing at the phone this morning, and had managed to fire up the internet - the phone itself can’t be locked in to kids mode so there are some things that they can still access.

Obviously once I noticed they were on the internet instead of the CBeebies based apps, I took the phone away to close the internet app. But in this moment, something came over me, I don’t know why but as I was looking at all the internet tabs, I decided to have a little scroll through the history. Yes, yes, I know, I shouldn’t have and I feel guilty - please don’t berate me for snooping, I’d rather get advice/comments based on porn rather than my stupid moment of weakness!

Anyway, over the last 5-6 weeks, DH has watched shemale porn 3 times! As soon as I spotted this, I typed in the internet search history filter for ‘shemale’ and a further 4 more hits came up spanning back to November last year. I’m quite confident these won’t have been the only times, I can only assume that other searches have been cleared. I'm also aware that he uses Reddit for porn, so again, I know he'll have been viewing it on there too, as Reddit is generally where he'll go to first to view it, as opposed to the internet.

However, the porn based internet searches that came up since November, were all shemale based ones. No ‘regular’ porn in sight at all.

I’ve caught DH looking at porn before throughout our almost 8 years together, and up until now, it’s always been your run of the mill, man with a woman, or a woman by herself, etc etc - nothing like this has ever come up before! Nothing too kinky, or 'out there'. This is entirely new and now my head is spinning!

To make it worse, DH appears to be looking at porn more or less 5-10 minutes after he gets in to work! It’s like he says goodbye to myself and the DC’s in the morning, gets in to work and thinks ‘right, time to look at some shemale porn before I have my coffee and talk to my coworkers!’ Hmm

I don’t know whether I actually have anything to be worried about, but bottom line, I am worried. Where has this new found taste for shemale porn come from?

I don’t think he’s gay, I don't even think he's bi to be completely honest. But my head can’t make sense of any of this. I’m not a massive fan of DH watching porn, but over the years we've watched some together and I’ve also worked hard to accept the fact that him watching it on his own will happen, but when I had that in mind, I assumed I was signing up to a DH that watches ‘regular’ stuff.

Do any of your dh’s/male friends watch this kind of porn, and can you offer any insight as to why this particular type of porn seems to have sprung up from nowhere, and seemingly taken such a hold that it's now his go to choice?!

I’m climbing the walls trying to understand it.

OP posts:
Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 19:55

What is shemale....?

NoNobramma · 16/07/2021 19:58

@Yftg8 a male sexed person who dresses as a female gendered person sexily but still jas a penis. Often has boob job etc and looks like a sexy woman but with a penis

WellItsAnotherNameChange · 16/07/2021 19:58

@Yftg8

What is shemale....?
As far as I can tell, it's a porn term for transgender porn stars that have a penis.
OP posts:
StartingAgain33 · 16/07/2021 21:03

This is an interesting one. I'm sure a lot of people that look at porn have felt curious about something that others might find a bit gross or weird and then over time became acclimatised to it so it feels a bit sexier than just weird. I'm sure the shock value is a turn on. I don't think I'd be bothered personally or take it personally but easy for me say over here obviously!

Hawtain86 · 16/07/2021 21:57

I agree with StartingAgain33 it’s probably just the shock value. Maybe he just got bored of the regular old porn and was curious about some other stuff. I wouldn’t worry too much.

scottish83 · 16/07/2021 22:13

The interesting question is whether a man who is attracted to "shemales" is gay, or remains attracted to the opposite sex but perhaps wishes to experience the female role in the bedroom.

It could well be worthwhile seeing if there are bedroom activities he would be interested in taking part in (strapon/pegging) assuming you share a mutual interest.

Anordinarymum · 16/07/2021 23:12

OP i think he's probably got bored with the usual stuff and finds this sort of porn exciting. I bet he moves on to something equally weird after a while.

Maydaybankholiday · 16/07/2021 23:35

It's more the watching at work I'd not be too impressed with? Is he having a wank in his work toilet or what?

eccecc · 16/07/2021 23:38

Honestly, I have no idea about porn or this category.
The watching at work would concern me... where does he work? Seems massively inappropriate.

Mrstreehouse · 16/07/2021 23:41

I’d be more worried kids are playing with a phone that has this on its history and no internet safeguarding in place

NiceGerbil · 16/07/2021 23:43

In general many look for more shocking/ extreme things to keep the thrill.

I'm also more worried about this phone.

You both knew he watches porn and the phones are synced, what were you thinking?

Anothernick · 16/07/2021 23:47

Well I'm a man, been with my DW 30 years, regular and satisfying sex life. But sometimes I look at gay porn. Why? Well I really don't know, curiosity I suppose, I have no desire to do the things that gay men do to each other. So as long as his porn use is not affecting your sex life and you have no other reason to be concerned then I think you are worrying unnecessarily. Many men would use porn more than three times in six weeks, that level of use is not concerning.

NiceGerbil · 17/07/2021 00:07

True, gay porn written and otherwise is pretty popular with women (for reasons I find obvious!).

The phone thing is the massive deal here for me. What were they thinking?

NiceGerbil · 17/07/2021 00:08

I mean I have my own views on porn but that's not the topic!

If OP is ok with her DH watching porn then I can't see why this is a problem.

The phone OP what were you thinking???

baroqueandblue · 17/07/2021 00:15

There's an argument that goes:

Some straight men have grown wary of feeling guilty for objectifying women by watching them in porn, and shemale porn has proliferated in recent years, so they're often turning to that instead. Many shemales give convincing performances but are still technically men, perceived as having more control over the use of their image than many women in porn. Men can watch them without feeling as guilty as they've increasingly felt for watching women.

Not sure how much the argument really holds up, but probably has some validity in certain cases.

NiceGerbil · 17/07/2021 00:20

To me

That sounds like patent nonsense!

Not least because the person usually has a penis as far as I'm aware.

eccecc · 17/07/2021 00:47

@Mrstreehouse

I’d be more worried kids are playing with a phone that has this on its history and no internet safeguarding in place
Good point Shock Also... OP you say it can't be locked in kids mode but my phone needs my finger print to exit kids mode?
baroqueandblue · 17/07/2021 00:58

@NiceGerbil funnily enough, that's perceived as a mere detail, on balance. The results of the hormones they've taken are visually staggering in many cases.

Luckingfovely · 17/07/2021 01:19

Take the phone away. Nothing else matters run! Deal with all the other stuff later.

I also agree with pp that there may appear to be men who have watched so much 'dull, regular' porn, that they're searching for ever more extreme ways to get off. Envy. Either way, it's grim.

me4real · 17/07/2021 01:22

I don't think they watch it out of guilt at objectifying women at all. It's just a sexual fantasy a lot of men have. Maybe because it's something a bit different/exotic.

Shellady · 17/07/2021 01:50

If men felt guilty over objectifying women the porn industry wouldn’t exist Smile

YouShouldLeave · 17/07/2021 05:57

@baroqueandblue

There's an argument that goes:

Some straight men have grown wary of feeling guilty for objectifying women by watching them in porn, and shemale porn has proliferated in recent years, so they're often turning to that instead. Many shemales give convincing performances but are still technically men, perceived as having more control over the use of their image than many women in porn. Men can watch them without feeling as guilty as they've increasingly felt for watching women.

Not sure how much the argument really holds up, but probably has some validity in certain cases.

I’m sorry, but.... GrinGrinGrinGrin
faithfulbird20 · 17/07/2021 06:22

For a working married man he's got a lot of time to be watching porn. How's he with the kids? I think he needs to help around the house a bit more!

A lot of men get bored with regular porn and I think that's why your husbands preference has changed. It's just not 'doing' it for him anymore.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 17/07/2021 06:38

A lot of men and women for that matter watch gay porn when they are not gay out of curiosity, boredom or whatever, a friend of mine admitted to watching gay porn because she was curious but didn't get anything out of it.
That's the trouble with the internet, if it's out there people will watch it.

PiccalilliChilli · 17/07/2021 06:43

Keep his phone away from the kids, at all times!!!!

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