What’s the most bizarreness thing you’ve been told by your abusive partner?

[Fightingback16]

I remember today my ex husband who was emotionally abusive paid for someone to remotely cleanse (300 miles away) our house from all the bad energy causing me to be a shit wife.

When I opened the envelope with the findings a shit loads of confetti fell out.

7 years later and I’m cracking up at the bonkersness of it all.

@Maggiesgirl

Telling me that is was a good thing DS2 had died shortly after birth, because he had spina Bifida, and he wouldn't have let me bring "that thing" home anyway.

That if I had got out of his way he woukdnt have thrown me over the bannister. He had me by the hair as I was trying to get2 year old DS to go into his room out of the way.

Screamed at DS, who had ran down the stairs to me, because he was telling him to leave his mummy alone.
That was the moment the light came on. I managed to get up and walk out. I never went back.

Absolutely, utterly heartbreaking to read this. So very very glad that you left him.

My ex (textbook narc) told our daughters fiancé not to limit himself to one girl and to shag around basically
Strangely enough it turns out that’s what he’s been doing for the last 25 years…..

For 23 years of marriage I was told I was 'not as thin as I used to be" and "not photogenic". Also "those clothes don't really suit you".

Found out the ex husband was a transvestite and wearing my clothes for our entire marriage !!!!

Would quite frankly be amazed if HE looked any better in my Karen Millen frock then I did???!??!! LOL !!

He sent me a long ,ranty email about how disappointed and heart broken he was because he couldn't mould me in the way he wanted. He elaborated how hard he tried and how painful it was and hard work , how he thought he managed at times but I just ruined it all bla bla bla. But he finally realised it's not his fault... "the clay was faulty".

Basically two long pages of bitching that no matter how hard he tried to control me, I refused to be fully under his control. Totally bonkers.

I once told H I resented how little he did at home and with our 3 DC. His excited response was, "see, see I knew you resented it". He was really ecstatic he'd managed to get me to 'admit' this. Apparently the problems in our marriage wasn't how little he did, it was me feeling resentful about it. His solution, I should get over it. Also he's solution after he'd made me feel scared. I should get over it, because actually he'd done nothing wrong and he'd keep doing it until he got what he deserved.

I had been in hospital for a week with a threatened miscarriage and then sent home and told to rest. A decorator was booked to redecorate our living room. He was nice looking and friendly but I barely said a dozen words to him as I just stayed in the bedroom. ExH came home late that day and started screaming and ranting at me that I was having an affair with this stranger, even though I was still bleeding slightly. Until then he'd hidden this side of his character.

It was the first time and the first of many similar incidents until I left.

My ex sent me an email telling me that while he was being interviewed by the police for assault, they told him that I was a lesbian so he knew I was having an affair with my female friend who had provided evidence of his abuse. I laughed out loud at that one.

First ex announced he was suing for adultery and would take every penny I had. I pointed out that 1. We were not, and never had been married, and 2. We’d been split up for well over six months when I went on a single date. He triumphantly smirked and said “ah, but we were engaged, you had forgotten that hadn’t you?” He went to a solicitor too to try and start these proceedings. Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting.

Second ex declared that I was “taking the piss” and using him because I couldn’t wash up with both arms fully encased in plaster.

When he smashed the wing mirrors off my car because a friend of his hugged me in greeting- which obviously I'd encourage.

When he didnt speak to me for 6 hours and left me alone in a hotel room on holiday, turning his phone off, because a man asked me the time.

When he screamed at me for an hour because i'd bought a book with 'sex' in the title. Inappropriate reading material, apparently. Which is strange because he forced sex on me more than once.

I used to beg him to hit me because then the abuse would make more sense.

When I left he told me I would end up middle aged, ugly, broke, and alone (he was 20 years older than me), and would never meet anyone as great as him who would love me. Three years later I'm 36 and engaged to the most wonderful wonderful man, have an amazing career and have never been happier.

He's a single 57 year old alcoholic who spent lockdown alone.

It was my fault he couldn't get it up. He went on describe in great detail sex with an ex. I felt like shit. Actually it was him. He had blocked arteries from years of shit diet and smoking.....
He convinced me I'd been on a night out, obviously I'd been flirting/met someone else. I had no recollection of this night out. I had to ask the person I was meant to have been out with if it had happened. It didn't 😔.
He beat me senseless because I got out of bed and turned the music off because I had work the next day. That was my fault apparently. Fucking wanker.

@Maggiesgirl

Telling me that is was a good thing DS2 had died shortly after birth, because he had spina Bifida, and he wouldn't have let me bring "that thing" home anyway.

That if I had got out of his way he woukdnt have thrown me over the bannister. He had me by the hair as I was trying to get2 year old DS to go into his room out of the way.

Screamed at DS, who had ran down the stairs to me, because he was telling him to leave his mummy alone.
That was the moment the light came on. I managed to get up and walk out. I never went back.

This really got me. I hope you and your DS are now safe and happy x

My DD is only 18months old and this makes me weep for her future.

I hope we can bring her up to know at the first signs of anything like this... she tells us, no shame... tell us what's happening and we help her leave and keep her safe.

When he deleted text messages that showed he clearly had sex with someone else and told me i had made it up in my head.
When he threatened to take DD out of nursery and keep her and not return her after punching me in the face and telling me I was a sh*t mum with mental problems and I was infecting DD.. That day a social worker removed us out of the family home and I left him with 3 black bin bags.. And never went back.

It’s not all doom Alice! Before my dreadful ex I had a lovely kind long term boyfriend and dh is wonderful it’s not all bad. The trick is to try to ensure your dd bails at the first sign of shitness and knows her value.

Told me I'd never find anyone who'd treat me as well as he did. That nobody would ever want me because I 'wasn't exactly a stunner' and had stretch marks (our baby was 12 weeks old). He was a totally delusional narcissist who took away every bit of my self confidence and self belief. He'd abused me emotionally during the entirety of our relationship. Needless to say I left and I've never looked back. Now married to a wonderful man who wouldn't dream of treating anyone like the ex did.

@Babyfg

That if I didn't give him what he wanted, I was forcing him to be deceitful and it was my fault what he would do next. I actually laughed in his face for once that he was so serious about this!

This too! Couldn't take an ounce of responsibility for his own actions.

My XH pointed at a photo of his deceased grandfather and told me how disappointed he'd be in me for splitting up our little family. The day after 2 year old DD saw him hold me against a wall by my throat and say Daddy please don't hurt Mummy.

I told him he was dead so wouldn't have feelings either way and if on the off chance of him looking down from where ever he was he would probably be slightly more disappointed at his violent behaviour the previous evening!

[quote StartingAgain33]@rickitarr that is actually a great idea. Would it be illegal to start a mumsnet thread...? You could include something like first name, physical description, distinguishing features, and what they did...People could use it as a reference point...[/quote]
IDK but it’s very tempting.

Hell is too much of a good place for these sub humans.

@peterpanswife

For 23 years of marriage I was told I was 'not as thin as I used to be" and "not photogenic". Also "those clothes don't really suit you".

Found out the ex husband was a transvestite and wearing my clothes for our entire marriage !!!!

Would quite frankly be amazed if HE looked any better in my Karen Millen frock then I did???!??!! LOL !!

This made me spit my tea out!

If you start the thread @StartingAgain33 link it here. I’ll NC and pop over.

Repeatedly told me he'd picked me up out the gutter when we met. No.... I was cabin crew, with my own home and own friends. I was not in the gutter but it took me a while to remember that. Think the best was his concern that I had a bruise on my arm, he had put the bruise there by Repeatedly punching me there everytime I disagreed with something he said, so I actually had that bruise for several years on and off! Nasty man.

First serious boyfriend, much older:

Guilted me heavily about having pain during sex when I was a virgin and obviously, on some level, was not feeling comfortable.

Angrily accused me, re. the above, of having been raped and lying about it, therefore exposing him to risk of STDs ("I licked your cunt! I could have caught something!")

Didn't stop when I was in pain, then shamed me about that.

Threatened to cheat on me if I went home to visit my family for a week ("Go if you like, but I might meet someone while you're away ...")

Shamed me because I walked across the room to talk to him at an event, thus cramping his style.

Told me he'd cut his hair short and shaved his beard to test me, because he thought I was only with him because he looked like Che Guevara. Didn't have the heart to tell him he actually looked like Super Mario.

Sent me a long email in ALL CAPS after I left him and moved abroad, asking me to write down all my memories of our relationship in a book and give it to him for his birthday so that he could enjoy remembering how he "made me into a woman" despite all my "little tantrums". I wrote back and said that I could write it all down if he liked, but he wouldn't enjoy reading it much. Of course, this was just more proof that I was difficult.

Stuck with that arsehole, on and off, for a year and a half. Why.

My ex had plenty of imagination. Years of constant lies to control me, but the best was his imaginary leukaemia. We were divorced already but he was trying to control me still over contact with our daughter after I stopped contact for him repeatedly hurting her in one of his rages. He shouted at me for not buying him a new dressing gown for hospital and said I didn't care if he died and i would have to tell my little girl that he was dead and it was all my fault. He gave me a running commentary of his hospital stay including how awful his chemo was. I phoned the ward. He wasn't there... all lies. Finally managed to cut ties after that thank god.

Bloody hell, some awful stuff here :(

My ex told me that i'd learned how to abuse HIM from Mumset!
Im still abusing him now aparently, for years seperated.
Good work vipers, you clearly tought me well