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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What’s the most bizarreness thing you’ve been told by your abusive partner?

118 replies

Fightingback16 · 09/07/2021 18:26

I remember today my ex husband who was emotionally abusive paid for someone to remotely cleanse (300 miles away) our house from all the bad energy causing me to be a shit wife.

When I opened the envelope with the findings a shit loads of confetti fell out.

7 years later and I’m cracking up at the bonkersness of it all.

OP posts:

FindingMeno · 09/07/2021 22:35

Left me for an ambulance to deal with because I was an embarrassment and an attention seeker.
(I was having an panic attack because of his abusive behaviour)

Pebbledashery · 09/07/2021 22:37

Makes me bloody grateful I'm single I tell you.

CheddarGorge · 09/07/2021 22:38

Went for our first scan and discovered there was no heart beat. On the way home from the scan he told me I can't keep crying about this and to get over it...

He shouted at me when he found out dd wanted to play Xbox as apparently they're for boys

He told me several times that I'm not sexy when I behave in certain ways (I'm a bit of silly person at times) and I shouldn't behave like that.

He shouted at dd about what will the boys think because she was behaving a certain way.

willowmelangell · 09/07/2021 22:39

My ex admitted he was abusing me then said, "..but it's ok because I buy you nice things."

Fluffyandsilly · 09/07/2021 22:51

God these stories are appalling.

My abusive ex from years ago used to call me materialistic.

I was young and didn't earn loads but did earn more than him, and carefully budgeted my money so that I could afford to buy myself luxuries like a car, laptop, (this is going back a long time!) CD's, DVD's and an MP3 player.

He liked to borrow these things which he couldn't afford as he was terrible with money.

I was brought up to look after my belongings, whereas he used to regularly lose and damage stuff. He just didn't give a shit. He found it very unreasonable if I was was upset when he lost, damaged or trashed things I had worked hard to buy.
It wasn't his fault that he'd damaged my car, scratched my CD's and lost DVD's or my MP3 player. I was the problem. My behaviour was 'materialistic' in his fucked up world!

Colourmeclear · 09/07/2021 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 09/07/2021 23:57

@MsTSwift

An ex boyfriend in my twenties once called told me a gold digger which was odd as I had a good professional job and he was unemployed and living in his parents basement and I had to send him cash to buy a train ticket to visit me. If I was a gold digger I was an utterly rubbish one!

I had one like this. Told me he might propose to me one day but I would have to sign a prenup because it's not fair when women 'take men's money in divorces'. I had just set up my own business which was in profit from day one. He had never had a job and had no inclination to work. Thank fuck I got out! Hilarious he thought a prenup would have been to protect him 😂

PickAChew · 10/07/2021 00:02

That if I didn't have babies, awful things would happen to my insides.

Ignori g that I found his great unwashedness repulsive, no sex for 5 years didn't help the lack of babies situation.

Thatwaslulu · 10/07/2021 00:13

My ex used to put his hands down my knickers when I came home from work to check I hadn't been having sex instead of working in a bloody library all day. He also ordered clothes for the girl he was having an affair with from my catalogue, and would ask my opinion on whether I thought they were sexy enough. He also broke up with me by putting a CD on, telling me to listen to the lyrics of a particular song, and then went out to see the girl. He was an abusive twat.

frazzledasarock · 10/07/2021 00:22

Very abusive ex, after having hit me told me I’d never find anyone like him if I left him.

Well I bloody well hope not!

ponygirlcurtis · 10/07/2021 00:36

for everyone on here.

Things my abusive exH said:

I was only allowed opinions on 'floofy things, like teatowels' (direct quote)
That he would phone an ambulance to come get me sectioned (I was pregnant and pushing back at his abuse of me)
That everyone thought I was trying to breastfeed 5-yr-old DS (not his) when I cuddled him and it was embarrassing and everyone was laughing at me.
That I pronounced certain words so comically wrong and would get his DCs to laugh at me along with him when I said certain words.
That I was apparently giving my ex a BJ when he came to pick up DS (apparently the fact that ex's wife was there too at pickup wasn't important)
That I was going to ex-MIL's funeral so I could have sex with ex.

That's just what I remember off the top of my head. He was a twat. Still is.

More for everyone who's experienced abuse. It colours your everyday, even once you are out.

SpringLoadedJizz · 10/07/2021 00:58

He wanted us to name our first daughter after his ex and then blamed his cheating on me with her on me being pregnant (and on me 'snooping' on him.)

That has absolutely nothing on many of these other posts though. for everyone.

whoisit12 · 10/07/2021 01:01

Told me that I couldn't even give birth properly because I had a c-section to save our daughters life, yeah sorry about that!!

rosalie11 · 10/07/2021 04:28

He told me I was an escort from going through my messages which literally only had messages to my friends and said nothing about escorting or selling anything

Whywhenwhat · 10/07/2021 05:46

I've named changed because this could be outing.
He dragged me out the room and screamed at me that I'd got blood on the carpet just to annoy and upset him when I was having a miscarriage. He made me clean the carpet on my hands and knees before i drove myself to hospital. I had to stay in for a few days due to the blood loss. Then he told me he had only reacted that way because he was worried about me and our baby

merrymelody · 10/07/2021 06:17

So many things but one that springs to mind was how much prettier than me his first wife was. Ass!

Couldhavebeenme2 · 10/07/2021 06:24

Another gold-diggercomment here too - on top of all the other shit, of course.

I'd always been the one who organised our finances, worked in a bank and was really savvy with our cash. I also paid the deposit on our first house, and my inheritance allowed us to move again.

When we split he took £15k out of our savings and cleared the accounts, was horrified the court wouldn't agree to his 50/50 split which would have meant me and the kids living in squalor rather than reasonably comfortably (he sees the kids 2/3 times a year, max), and has never, ever paid a penny towards them.

Yet I'm the gold digger for putting in a claim to cms for him to make the basic financial contribution to his dc.

Cunt.

LondonSouth28 · 10/07/2021 06:25

Best quote I ever got, "I don't have an alcohol, drug or mental health problem, I have a wife problem". I still howl with laughter when I think of this quote. It was said in an utter rage and to be clear he has an alcohol, drug and mental health problem (and you can imagine the hellish behaviour that goes with this combination!). He no longer has a wife problem

Doublestar · 10/07/2021 06:33

He also ate a wine glass one night....

Bloody hell, how did he manage that?

Doublestar · 10/07/2021 06:34

These are awful, some truly evil men out there. So glad they're all exes.

RickiTarr · 10/07/2021 06:38

This thread is a wonderful resource on male toxicity and violence, albeit in a slightly grim way.

Mine used to go down my dirty laundry hamper examining my knickers for traces of (other men’s) semen.

Once when he came in from work in the summer and I had red knees from crawling around with the baby on the tightwad’s cheap nasty carpet. He searched the flat and the balcony for the imaginary man he was convinced I had been fellating in between doing all the housework and childcare.

I wouldn’t mind but I never went anywhere at all without the baby and had given up making even friendly conversation with the postman to assuage his toxic jealousy.

I was so young and sheltered and so shocked by every single mad thing he did.

There was violence too but when I look back now it’s the strength of his delusional jealousy that scares me. He was properly dangerous. I feel incredibly lucky that I got all of us out of there unharmed.

RickiTarr · 10/07/2021 06:40

@Doublestar

These are awful, some truly evil men out there. So glad they're all exes.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could have them all consigned to an uninhabited island to get them out of the dating pool permanently.

It always haunts me that there is no effective way to warn the next woman.

Doublestar · 10/07/2021 06:47

It's shocking RickiTarr - I don't know what's worse, the physical or emotional abuse women like you and others on here have suffered.

I remember watching a film (the name escapes me now) where the wife says to the abusive husband "just hit me and get it over with". The waiting and build up of knowing he was looking for excuses to punish her was just too much, she just wanted it over with. It made me incredibly sad as I know so many women must feel like this.

What your ex out you through is just as abhorrent - you must've been in a constant state of panic wondering what he was going to do/say next.

I agree I wish there was a special abusive dickhead cannonball where they could all be shot off into the stratosphere - never to bother another woman! They never change either, they will continue their abuse with the next victim.

LunaAndHer3Stars · 10/07/2021 06:47

Most bizarre thing was him thinking I'd tipped rubbish out all around the wheely bin at the curb. That was just plain weird. WTF would be think I'd go that.

Him getting angry at me for not being able to give new directions straight away in an unfamiliar city, when it was his fault we'd missed the turnoff because he kept questioning my directions instead of following them.

Telling DH because of his behaviour I was feeling really anxious around him. His response was to tell me it was horrible of me to tell him that and how dare I try and make him feel bad. This was after 2 months of angry behaviour culminating in him screaming in front of our DC whilst kicking things across the room then slamming the kitchen door open so hard he made a hole in the wall. But sure I'm the horrible one for telling him I feel anxious and scared around him.

Diddumz · 10/07/2021 06:52

That I would never be as important to him as his friends.

Ironically, his friends all ditched him because he treated women so badly

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