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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What’s the most bizarreness thing you’ve been told by your abusive partner?

118 replies

Fightingback16 · 09/07/2021 18:26

I remember today my ex husband who was emotionally abusive paid for someone to remotely cleanse (300 miles away) our house from all the bad energy causing me to be a shit wife.

When I opened the envelope with the findings a shit loads of confetti fell out.

7 years later and I’m cracking up at the bonkersness of it all.

OP posts:
RickiTarr · 10/07/2021 06:52

What your ex out you through is just as abhorrent - you must've been in a constant state of panic wondering what he was going to do/say next.

Yes, I think that’s part of how it works. You’re so busy trying to read the mood, process the last incident, anticipate the next one, that you’re shattered and have no energy left to plan your escape.

Some awful stories here.

torquewench · 10/07/2021 06:54

That he had no idea who the person that FB messaged me about a letter I'd sent him was. I'd posted him him his house keys back and asked for a couple of items to be returned. She mentioned specific things that happened around 20 years that no-one else would've known unless he'd told them.

MerryDecembermas · 10/07/2021 07:00

Started casually seeing a guy. After we slept together for the first time he broke down crying and showed me messages from his girlfriend. He then asked me to get in touch with his girlfriend via Facebook and explain why he had to break up with her.

To make it very clear, I had no idea the guy wasn't single.

Needless to say I ended it immediately and did not contact his girlfriend.

He then went around telling everyone at uni I was a massive slut. Of course.

FuckingFabulous · 10/07/2021 07:13

Scratched and bruised his face and his arm falling out of the loft and because I was there and witnessed this embarrassing moment for Such A Man, he went round telling my family that I was abusing him and that I made up the loft story to protect myself, he was concerned I was losing touch with reality.

lurker69 · 10/07/2021 07:15

just the usual from these type of 'men' really

  • it was my fault he slept with someone else
  • i made him smash up the house and all my belongings
  • i drove him to beat me so badly i had 2 blackeyes strangle marks around my neck and lumps of hair visibly ripped out

he also just lied constantly, insane bullshit! he would tell me things how he had gotten into a massive row with someone earlier that day (he was a bit of a geezer after all Hmm ) when i knew full well he hadn't left the house in days! oh and the time he told the huge massive scary drug dealer in our area he was going to put an axe in his head.. of course you did! oh god i could go on and on (some more) he was such a twat what was i thinking?!

vampirethriller · 10/07/2021 07:39

I've had a few.
The one who called all my friends to tell them I had been killed in a road accident to see how much sympathy he would get.
The one who had a screaming fit at me because I sent a parcel by special delivery instead of normal post, clearly the post office staff had seen me coming- my woolly hat made me look retarded.
The same one, when we went on holiday, said the local pub had given him severe food poisoning because their beer wasn't normal English beer. We were in Cornwall. He was drinking Foster's.

Housemovestress · 10/07/2021 07:41

That I was too much of a failure to carry his baby after we had just got back from a hospital appt finding no heartbeat at a scan. That was just before throwing me across the kitchen floor. That was one of the examples given in my divorce petition for unreasonable behaviour. We did go on to have two beautiful dc’s before the divorce though.

Housemovestress · 10/07/2021 07:42

Oh and throwing a pizza at me because I had burnt it and losing the plot entirely if I put items in the wrong recycling.

Original poster
Fightingback16 · 10/07/2021 07:42

I was never helped again in the house because my dad took a pic of him cleaning the car to remember it as he never did anything. He was so upset at my dad joking he never lifted a finger again.

OP posts:
Tiari · 10/07/2021 07:45

On the final day of our marriage, as I was leaving the house, abusive ex dropped to his knees and clinging to my ankle shouted "you HAVE to love me, you MUST love me"

Nonmaquillee · 10/07/2021 07:49

@Thatwaslulu

My ex used to put his hands down my knickers when I came home from work to check I hadn't been having sex instead of working in a bloody library all day. He also ordered clothes for the girl he was having an affair with from my catalogue, and would ask my opinion on whether I thought they were sexy enough. He also broke up with me by putting a CD on, telling me to listen to the lyrics of a particular song, and then went out to see the girl. He was an abusive twat.
My jaw hit the floor after your first sentence. I’m so sorry for you. All these accounts are individual horror stories in themselves. I hope you all lead peaceful, fulfilled lives now. 🌹🌹for you all.
torquewench · 10/07/2021 07:58

@MerryDecembermas

Started casually seeing a guy. After we slept together for the first time he broke down crying and showed me messages from his girlfriend. He then asked me to get in touch with his girlfriend via Facebook and explain why he had to break up with her.

To make it very clear, I had no idea the guy wasn't single.

Needless to say I ended it immediately and did not contact his girlfriend.

He then went around telling everyone at uni I was a massive slut. Of course.

Something vaguely similar happened to me once. Id arranged a night out with a friend who lived miles away from me so I was staying over at hers after the night out. This was back when I was in my early 20s and could be bothered with nightclubs. Late on in the night, she bumped into a bloke she'd a FWB thing going on with. I got lumbered with talking to his boring mate while they were club necking. I had/showed absolutely zero interest in getting better acquainted with the mate. End of the night, we all go back to hers, my friend and the FWB disappear upstairs, again Im lumbered with boring mate. I made us a brew, toast, etc, put TV on. He suddenly starts accusing me of trying it on with him, saying that he's a happily married man with kids, etc. I hadn't even so much as smiled at him, he wasnt remotely my type. I suggested that if he was so worried he shouldve just fucked off home in a taxi when we left the club. Also made it clear that I had no romantic intentions towards him whatsoever. He said he didnt believe me and that he'd not really wanted to come back with us anyway. (OK, youre a grown man, why cant you make your own way home?) He also said I was Never to tell his wife (who I didnt know) that this (i.e. me standing in a kitchen looking bored/tired and you not taking the hint to go away?) had happened. So I took his brew and toast off him and told him to skidaddle because he was boring and I was knackered, done with being polite and just wanted to go to bed, alone. But i got told I was upset that he didnt fancy me Confused That was the point at which I went to bed. Alone. I saw him and (I presume) his wife and family a few weeks later in a shopping centre and he just looked panicky and tried to hide. I did later hear via the FWB that Id "been trying it on and went a bit bunny boiler when he rejected me". To this day Ive no idea how he could possibly have mistaken my obvious boredom at his banal chat for me gagging to get into his pants Hmm
itsmellslikepopcarn · 10/07/2021 08:01

He used to get mad at me for the most ridiculous reasons, things like how I would put milk cartons back in the fridge. Screamed at me that I wasn’t f*cking disabled the first day after coming home with DD after a 36 hour labour ending in forceps cause I asked him to help me down the stairs with her things.

If he ever slept in late for work he would always blame me for not waking him up, even if I was out the house (still tries to do this now when we’re separated! Screamed at me in front of everyone on the first day of our holiday years ago that I had picked sunloungers in the shade, proceeded to move and then got badly burnt.

Once told me he would cut off my tongue and make me lick my own a**hole. That was a good one. Still to this day tries to make out like I was just as abusive as him, despite the many times he had me by the neck against a wall, hit me in the face, accused me of cheating and kept me up interrogating me until 4am and I had to sleep on the floor.

goatmermaid · 10/07/2021 08:08

@Doublestar. He was very very drunk and in a rage (often was) ..I actually cannot remember what he was raging about, usually it was that he thought I was having an affair. This night he just started eating the glass..it was horrific to watch. blood every where...he then held me down and spat the blood and chewed glass over my face. I was lucky I guess none went onto my ears. This is 20 years ago..I look back now and I have no idea what I saw in the c**t

Gufo · 10/07/2021 08:11

That I didn't know how to cut vegetables so shouldn't be allowed to use the kitchen knife

That his counsellor told him I deserved to be stalked

Two random highlights of many!

romdowa · 10/07/2021 08:13

A guy I was with years and years ago took me to the cinema in our nearest city over an hour away, decided he didn't like the movie and then he refused to let me get in the car and drove away and left me there at 11.30 at night, took me 2 hours of ringing him to get him to come back and get me as I had no other way home as buses were finished for the night. I was so young and had no idea be was abusive , not until I finished with him and he stalked me for 6 months and even broke into my house. I didn't have a proper relationship for a long time after him. He was demented.

CousinKrispy · 10/07/2021 08:22

Was sat down and lectured/interrogated about my masturbation habits because "he could tell" from looking at my knickers in the laundry basket that I was masturbating (it was actually perfectly normal vaginal discharge, I had a preschool aged child and was working FT and commuting 20 hrs/week, I didn't have the energy to wank). This cheesed him off because I was "supposed" to be having more sex with him, i.e. every 5 minutes, instead of supposedly pleasuring myself.

StartingAgain33 · 10/07/2021 08:35

@rickitarr that is actually a great idea. Would it be illegal to start a mumsnet thread...? You could include something like first name, physical description, distinguishing features, and what they did...People could use it as a reference point...

MissM94 · 10/07/2021 08:37

My abusive ex used to come home full of drink and cocaine and scream at me that I was "accusing him of cheating on me" even though he was the one coming in saying he'd been meeting up with his ex 😂😂 he then wouldn't let me sleep all night, would just call me a slag over and over, then try and force me to sleep with him 😑 6 years of emotional abuse off that cunt

Atleast we can laugh now ♥️ (sort of) 😂

MissMissTorrance · 10/07/2021 08:38

A man I was with years ago refused to accept I was a vegetarian and would cook us meat filled meals.
When I mentioned again that I didn't eat meat he would act as if he hadn't heard me and chat over me about work or friends.
When he'd finished his meal he'd stand over me, looking sinister until I'd eaten it all.
Often after the meal he would get hold of my hand and lead me to the bedroom where he'd call me names and try to force me to have sex I didn't want.
Why I continued to have a relationship with this man and why I went to this man's house and begged to move in with him I've absolutely no idea although I was young and had v v low sself-esteem.
I was 24. He was 54.

opinionminion · 10/07/2021 08:43

Said I was attention seeking because I was coughing and throwing up (I had a chest infection)

Said I had a mobile phone taped to the inside of the bath panel because he deemed me taking too long in the bathroom.

Said he wanted to befriend an old lady in the village so that he would be written into her Will Confused

opinionminion · 10/07/2021 08:50

Another ... refused to go to his brothers wedding (he was to be an Usher, family flew in from all over) because the dress I had bought to wear was too flattering .......

Onetraumaatatimeplease · 10/07/2021 08:50

That my final beating was only so bad (think broken bones) because I screamed and tried to get out of the house. Apparently, if I'd just stayed quiet and not moved it would have only been a few punches.
Two weeks later I was cooking Christmas dinner for his mother and I got into trouble because the makeup I'd used to hide the bruising was sliding off my face and revealing what was underneath. His mother, noticed nothing. And that bitch still tries to be my friend.

Ineedtorant · 10/07/2021 08:51

That me breathing when I was asleep next to him was giving him earache and I was doing it deliberately to him. Clearly I should have just stopped breathing 🤔🤨

Maggiesgirl · 10/07/2021 09:05

Telling me that is was a good thing DS2 had died shortly after birth, because he had spina Bifida, and he wouldn't have let me bring "that thing" home anyway.

That if I had got out of his way he woukdnt have thrown me over the bannister. He had me by the hair as I was trying to get2 year old DS to go into his room out of the way.

Screamed at DS, who had ran down the stairs to me, because he was telling him to leave his mummy alone.
That was the moment the light came on. I managed to get up and walk out. I never went back.

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