I want to end friendship but she’s insane?

[Happydays346]

NC for this as old name is related to me in r/l.

I met this girl through work around a year ago and although we only worked together for 3 months before I left she asked to stay in touch- all fine. We then did a few things together such as go for cocktails and days out, and this was the first time I’d spent any time with her outside the odd conversation at work.

Well, she has this one weird thing that none of my friends ever have- she only ever speaks about herself. If we meet up, she will never once ask me how I am or anything about my life and if I try bringing anything up she will interrupt and change the conversation back to her. I thought this was a one off, but we’ve spent numerous times together now and every time it’s the same.

She knows nothing about my life at all, but daily messages about her own problems and I listen and give advice. I recently went through a miscarriage and was feeling awful, I told her and she never asked how I was but kept sending me screen shots of her arguments with her boyfriend.

It’s a real one side friendship and I don’t really want to be part of it. I hate myself for being so passive and not ending it earlier but she doesn’t have any other friends (she’s told me this) and I feel bad. She often refers to me as her best friend which always surprises me as she knows nothing about me and we’ve not spent time together in months.

The reason I’m hesitant is my friend and her mum have done insane things in the past. She was telling me how her and her mum made this girls life a misery when they fell out (even keying her car!) and her mum making fake instagrams of this girl etc! She also keeps booking us things way in advance (without asking me) and then telling me I owe her money.

Her mum also comments on my Instagram posts saying what a good best friend I am, it’s all so bizarre. We are in our 30’s so it’s not like we are teens. I guess I’m hesitant to tell her I don’t want to see her anymore as I know I’ll be on the receiving end of possibly a lot of confrontation and I’m a very quiet day to day person

Any advice would be appreciated :)

If you really can't avoid her, only talk about yourself to her - all your problems, difficulties etc - don't respond at all about anything she says - just drone on about yourself - she might lose interest.

Can you just phase her out… and say please don’t book me anymore as money is really tight at the moment. Don’t give her a big dramatic confrontation just take longer to reply between each message and don’t give anymore advice. Make yourself very boring.

Tell her again that you didn't agree to the August thing and tell her to get a refund for the tickets as you can go because of xyz. Then phase out as others said. I once said no in a similar situation and they were so offended they stopped bothering me, which was a real result.
also this is what emojis were invented for as poor responses in stead of giving advice.

Tell her you have decided it's time to cut down on your social media contacts, then block her and ignore.

@Takeneback

The only way I have ended friendships like this is to have my own (fake) issue that trumps all of their issues. Like something out of my control which derails me from the friendship (an illness or something) and then in my communication very clearly saying I’d love to see you or talk to you but I’m just too ill / depressed / grieving etc

I know it’s best to tell the truth, but for narcissists, their facade is built around being perfect and brilliant and they don’t want to look bad so this is a bit of a brain hack in that they will feel annoyed with you but not want to look bad for attacking an obvious “victim” and she will find a new target

I agree with this. Narcissists won't put up with being phased out or told straight. But they also won't put up with needy people. Become incredibly needy and she will back off.

She was telling me how her and her mum made this girls life a misery when they fell out

Do you know this for a fact, or is this what she says to people when she notices them getting bored with her?