Pregnant. How to tell him?

[Shiftima]

Been dating for a while now. I’m 40 and he’s younger than me with all these plans for his future. Wants kids but not yet. We aren’t officially a couple because of this. He’s never met my kids and he doesn’t really want to. Which is ok with me.
Just found out I’m pregnant. I’m in the pill so a bit of a shock.
I’m probably going to go ahead with the pregnancy and when I finally get the guts to tell him, I’m likely to give him the option of allowing him to walk away if that’s what he wants.
How do I go about this? He’s such a lovely man. This will be a massive shock for him. But I don’t want him to feel obliged to stick around although it would be great if he did. Does that make sense?

How old is he? I think as he doesn’t even want to meet your kids then it’s likely it doesn’t matter what you say, he’s not going to be wishing to be involved.

I think you just need to tell him to be fair and that you’re keeping the child and it’s up to him how involved, if any, he wishes to be.

Congratulations op! It's great news and you have so much to be excited if either solo or in partnership.

Do you have children already and how long have you been together? How many weeks are you?

I would just tell him. I told my dh i was late and don't feel well then upset stomach. Then I did a test and it was positive. We'd been together 18 months. He was cool about it. I was 37. We struggled since then with losses and difficulties but men want babies too- maybe not as much as us but they do. We got married instead.

You can't know how to tell as you can't predict a reaction.

I missed the bit about not wanting to meet your kids

What @Bluntness100 is right.

How long have you been seeing him? He may be younger than you but he’s old enough to know to wear a condom if he’s not ready for babies yet and isn’t even ready to commit to a relationship.

He’s not likely to be thrilled is he but they’re not ideal circumstances, for you, him or your children.

Just tell him you’re pregnant. I wouldn’t launch into anything inviting him to walk away. He might, but you might want to claim child support down the line irrespective of his feelings so starting by saying you won’t expect anything of him is short termist and rash.

We just chose to keep us separate from my DC which I was also fine with. But we’ve been spending a lot of time together and managed to develop strong feelings for eachother. Not what we had planned but it just happened.
I don’t want to tell him in person! Such a coward but the thought of seeing the panic on his face makes me feel sick.
Im even thinking of just ending it with him and saying nothing! I’m being hormonally ridiculous!

Been dating about 18 months

Just sit him down and tell him, he needs to know. But don’t offer to be picking up the bill plus the parenting. Depends what his ‘plans’ are as to how he will react. Career progression is one thing as you can do that with a child alongside, but if it’s travelling the world bumming about for 2 years then that’s a different kettle of fish.

Travelling, buying a house etc.

I wish I could just text him!! I know I can’t but it would be much better for me!

I don't see what's wrong with texting if you are worried about his reaction and it would be easier for you.

put it in the troop request in clash of clans

Then do that. The pregnancy police won't have you arrested. Just say it.

'I'm pregnant. Despite being on the pill. Have decided to text you because I know that's not part of your life plan at the moment and want to give you some time to absorb this without me being there. I intend to proceed with the pregnancy. '

But if you do this be prepared for ;

Ghosting
Understanding
Anger
Accusations of entrapment
Delight.

All are possible reactions but do not roll over and offer things that he has a responsibility for. One of the outcomes of sex is children. No contraceptive is 100%. The amount of involvement he wants is his choice. The financial obligations are not a choice they are a consequential legal obligation for those who create life.

I agree just text, tell him you’re doing it because you want to give him time to digest it. Move alongs text is perfect.

It really is. Send that OP.

That’s perfect. Thanks @Movealongmovealong

You're welcome... I don't charge ...

How about just texting im late and have actually felt nauseous i think im gona buy a test? See what he says he might suprise you

Instead of breaking the big news to him, I’ve actually just ended things instead. Clearly my hormones have take over the logical part of my brain.

What? Why? Are you going to tell him?

Nooooo I know it's hard but you have to tell him! He has a right to know!

oh gosh OP - are you going to tell him now?!

You have to tell him. You can't just end it. He has a right to know. His reaction might surprise you.

You can't just end the relationship and not tell him. If you're going to have his baby then he needs to know.

You don't know his reaction yet!

I’m not going to not tell him. I will at some point. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want a relationship, has all these plans for the future bla bla bla. I’m going to give it a few days then tell him. I think if I told him right now, I’d sound like a psychopath who had just tried to trap him with my ovaries!