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Original poster

Pregnant. How to tell him?

85 replies

Shiftima · 03/07/2021 19:31

Been dating for a while now. I’m 40 and he’s younger than me with all these plans for his future. Wants kids but not yet. We aren’t officially a couple because of this. He’s never met my kids and he doesn’t really want to. Which is ok with me.
Just found out I’m pregnant. I’m in the pill so a bit of a shock.
I’m probably going to go ahead with the pregnancy and when I finally get the guts to tell him, I’m likely to give him the option of allowing him to walk away if that’s what he wants.
How do I go about this? He’s such a lovely man. This will be a massive shock for him. But I don’t want him to feel obliged to stick around although it would be great if he did. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
heyday · 03/07/2021 22:45

He has a right to know and your unborn child has the right to have the possibility of having a father in its life.

Original poster
Shiftima · 03/07/2021 23:14

As I said, I will of course be telling him. Just not right now

OP posts:
parkerpop · 03/07/2021 23:24

So within 30 minutes you went from using @Movealongmovealong's suggested text telling him about the pregnancy to just completely ending it?

Did you end it via text?
What did you say as the reason?
What was his response?

Original poster
Shiftima · 03/07/2021 23:29

I hadn’t actually read that when I was messaging him
I just said this is t going anywhere is it, I can’t do this anymore and he agreed. We’ve been texting since, lovely messages about how we feel about eachother. My brain hurts

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 03/07/2021 23:33

If you truly care about each other I'd just tell him now. It's better to tel him now than in a few days and play with his emotions if he starts saying he does want a relationship after all or anything in that vain.

parkerpop · 03/07/2021 23:39

@Shiftima

That’s perfect. Thanks *@Movealongmovealong*
How had you bit read it when you sent this in reply?
Sakurami · 03/07/2021 23:41

Listen op, just tell him.

Many of us have had pregnancies at not ideal times but it's worked out fine.

He may want to still end things but at least give him a chance! I mean you've been together 18 months...hardly 5 mins.

rooarsome · 03/07/2021 23:41

It's better just to be upfront and honest with the guy for both your sakes. What @Movealongmovealong wrote was perfect.

Cwenthryth · 03/07/2021 23:46

Goodness OP. Stop texting him tonight, you’re just confusing yourself. Mute his messages or put a temp block on his number or something. Get some sleep and then check your messages in the morning.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/07/2021 23:47

It is madness and incredibly immature that you are not telling him immediately. He has a right to know and delaying telling him is just absurd.

PumpkinKlNG · 03/07/2021 23:55

You made a mistake breaking up with him before telling him, he may now think it’s not his if you wait before telling him as you’ve broken up. I would tell him ASAP! Before he starts having doubts...

Guavafish · 03/07/2021 23:57

I think you should just tell him - text him

Leshan · 04/07/2021 00:03

How old is he?

OrlandointheWilderness · 04/07/2021 00:08

Just get it over snd done with and tell him!

chickenyhead · 04/07/2021 00:09

I can see why you broke up with him, to free him etc, but he should know why so he can process this.

He is also responsible for contraception here, he could have used condoms too. He didn't.

Original poster
Shiftima · 04/07/2021 00:13

I’m so confused. I want to keep this baby. But I don’t think I want him involved(obviously that’s not solely my decision) as I don’t want to ruin his life. He’s 25 for those asking.
I’m worried for him as he struggles with anxiety as it is
I think I’ll tell him tomorrow. I’m about 5/6 weeks now

OP posts:
pegboardsu · 04/07/2021 00:15

Tell him and let him decide how much he wants to be involved.

Do it ASAP.

GrandTheftWalrus · 04/07/2021 00:30

You need to tell him ASAP.

Guavafish · 04/07/2021 00:37

You are not ruining his life. He will have a choice once he finds out …

PumpkinKlNG · 04/07/2021 01:46

According to your other thread you’ve known for a week now, so haven’t just found out, so you’ve had a week to tell him and haven’t? Is the reason you broke up with him because you don’t want to tell him?

misssunshine4040 · 04/07/2021 02:20

That's a big age gap, I can see why you are concerned about future relationship etc.

I wouldn't however worry about telling him. It's his concern as much as yours and not like it's your fault alone etc.
He needs to know if you are 100% sure you are continuing with the pregnancy

gundrunbeaker · 04/07/2021 03:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Leshan · 04/07/2021 03:21

Yeah, he probably won't be pleased, especially as he's so young.
I don't think there's that many 20 something men who would willingingly start a family with a woman in her 40s.
Still, he could have worn a condom if he was that concerned.

usernameXYZ · 04/07/2021 03:32

Me and my DH are the same ages as you but opposite way around, js a big age gap but it can work. We have 3 soon to be 4 amazing children !! X

1forAll74 · 04/07/2021 04:03

I would definitely tell him to his face,, you have known him quite a while now, Texting stuff is wrong, after the length of time you have known him. You maybe already know that he won't be happy with the news, but to talk about it, and get things out of the way, one way or another, is best to clear your mind of all things.