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Original poster

Pregnant. How to tell him?

85 replies

Shiftima · 03/07/2021 19:31

Been dating for a while now. I’m 40 and he’s younger than me with all these plans for his future. Wants kids but not yet. We aren’t officially a couple because of this. He’s never met my kids and he doesn’t really want to. Which is ok with me.
Just found out I’m pregnant. I’m in the pill so a bit of a shock.
I’m probably going to go ahead with the pregnancy and when I finally get the guts to tell him, I’m likely to give him the option of allowing him to walk away if that’s what he wants.
How do I go about this? He’s such a lovely man. This will be a massive shock for him. But I don’t want him to feel obliged to stick around although it would be great if he did. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 04/07/2021 04:09

Are you really only worried about his life? What about your life? You have other kids. Can you support this one without child support from the father? Do you just not want the hassle of visitation and him having rights to decisions involving the child? Are you regarding him as more of a sperm donor than the an actual biological parent? Maybe you need to sit down with a cup of tea and think about your life (and your child's) and your other children without the father and with the father.
Remember almost everyone will tell you that the child needs and deserves to know their father.

QueenBee52 · 04/07/2021 05:42

OP you can so this ... keep your baby, you will be okay 🌸

and Congratulations 💕

MarshmallowsOnToast · 04/07/2021 06:30

On your thread you posted the other day, you said you had a chemical pregnancy a few months ago. Does your partner know about that?

Bluntness100 · 04/07/2021 07:16

Gosh he’s only 25. I can see the issue. I also don’t understand why you have fallen pregant twice on the pill in recent months, that’s very unusual

Good luck, difficult situation for both of you

parkerpop · 04/07/2021 09:08

@Bluntness100 especially at 40!!

Original poster
Shiftima · 04/07/2021 09:20

Ok I don’t really need to be made to feel any worse than I already do.
I’m going to tell him today. I feel sick at the thought of it. Poor guy doesn’t know what’s coming.
I panicked and ended it because I don’t want him to feel any obligation to stick around if he didn’t want to
Yes I found out on Monday but needed time to process it myself before I told him or anyone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shiftima · 04/07/2021 09:21

Thank you @QueenBee52
My other DC will be excited I think. Won’t be telling them until it’s all confirmed and further along

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/07/2021 09:30

Do you have the means, both emotionally and financially to raise the child alone op? Maybe take some time to decide what you’re going to do and be at peace with the decision to raise th child alone. It’s understandable he didn’t wish to meet your kids as he’s only 25 and there is a huge age gap here, it was just a casual thing.

Also on the contraceptive front, if the pill doesn’t work for you I’d look to another solution when appropriate.

Original poster
Shiftima · 04/07/2021 09:35

Oh that’s the first thing on my list @Bluntness100 !
I’ve been on the pill for forever and never had any issues so I don’t know what’s happened. No point worrying about that right now though.
I think I’ll be ok on my own. My DC are incredible, I’ve got wonderful friends and family around me too. I got this!

OP posts:
Original poster
Shiftima · 04/07/2021 09:36

It was casual to begin with. Then we fell in love. Didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did. Life loves to throw a curveball doesn’t it!

OP posts:
ThePurplePalace · 04/07/2021 11:41

Big love to you OP. Good luck today Flowers

NotLinear · 04/07/2021 12:03

Good luck, OP!

AgentJohnson · 04/07/2021 16:44

Another man who doesn’t want to be a father, yet relied on a form of contraception that didn’t involve his input, urgh.

There’s something about this that sounds distinctly icky, the OP talks about him maternally.

QueenBee52 · 04/07/2021 17:44

I hope all goes well today OP... and you're feeling positive .. your new baby is wonderful news 🌸💕

Bluntness100 · 04/07/2021 17:53

@AgentJohnson

Another man who doesn’t want to be a father, yet relied on a form of contraception that didn’t involve his input, urgh.

There’s something about this that sounds distinctly icky, the OP talks about him maternally.

Seriously? Most couples rely on one or the other for contraception. Are you seriously trying to say if you don’t want a kid a man always needs to wear a condom? Seriously?
SortingItOut · 04/07/2021 18:16

@Shiftima Not that it matters how ypu got pregnant despite neing on the pill but have you had the vaccine lately?

It reacts with the pill and leaves you unprotected, quite a few women I am aware of have fallen pregnant after the vaccine.

Movealongmovealong · 04/07/2021 18:20

Seriously? Most couples rely on one or the other for contraception. Are you seriously trying to say if you don’t want a kid a man always needs to wear a condom? Seriously?

I actually agree with this and ha e drummed it into my sons that the responsibility for their fertility begins and ends with them. That sex can always = babies as there is no 100% guaranteed no pregnancy contraceptive on the market . There are also women , who whilst not necessarily out to entrap (though some are) there are many who are quite happy to be lax and go with 'fate' ... if the man is ok with that then great but if you definitely don't want kids then wear a condom at the least.

impressivelycunty · 04/07/2021 18:22

"AgentJohnson
Another man who doesn’t want to be a father, yet relied on a form of contraception that didn’t involve his input, urgh.

There’s something about this that sounds distinctly icky, the OP talks about him maternally.
Seriously? Most couples rely on one or the other for contraception. Are you seriously trying to say if you don’t want a kid a man always needs to wear a condom? Seriously?"*
*
Errr yes! Of course he does in his position ... also, STDs.

Original poster
Shiftima · 04/07/2021 18:28

@SortingIt Out yes I have. Had my 2nd about 6 weeks ago. Is that actually happening?

OP posts:
BlaBlaSmthSmth · 04/07/2021 20:56

@AgentJohnson

Another man who doesn’t want to be a father, yet relied on a form of contraception that didn’t involve his input, urgh.

There’s something about this that sounds distinctly icky, the OP talks about him maternally.

I completely agree with this. Of course if a man does not want a child he needs to be responsible for contraception too. This is where his control over the matter begins and ends, because once a woman is pregnant it is (quite rightly) 100% her choice whether she wants to go ahead with the pregnancy. If he was adamant that he didn't want children then he should've taken precautions, even if op was on the pill.
Bluntness100 · 04/07/2021 20:58

Errr yes! Of course he does in his position ... also, STDs

After eighteen months?

PumpkinKlNG · 04/07/2021 21:02

Sounds like the relationship is quite casual though, op says they’ve fallen in love but I wonder how one sided it is I can’t imagine any 25 year olds wanting to start a family with a 40 year old woman with 2 kids already...

BlaBlaSmthSmth · 04/07/2021 21:02

Seriously? Most couples rely on one or the other for contraception. Are you seriously trying to say if you don’t want a kid a man always needs to wear a condom? Seriously?

Is this a serious post? It sounds sarcastic as I can't believe someone would be shocked at the idea of a man taking responsibility for his own fertility.
There is nothing wrong with wearing a condom if you don't want to run the risk of pregnancy, it's hardly an absurd idea is it.
No contraceptive is 100% so that is his way of controlling his own fertility.

Ginger1982 · 04/07/2021 21:04

So, how did he take it?

lurkermum · 04/07/2021 21:33

Hope it’s going ok for you .

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