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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband on swingers site denying it

85 replies

Scattylady2 · 03/07/2021 07:53

Found my husband has been on a fabswingers site searching for people! He denied Everything then I found a photo of his anatomy in his phone files that is clearly from the same site in Dec 2020
He swears on the children’s lives he hasn’t been in the site ! He will not tell me the truth despite the evidence on his computer and phone 😢 he is a wonderful husband but I don’t know what to do as I feel betrayed and scared that I don’t know this man. Please help me as I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
Scattylady2 · 03/07/2021 07:56

Help please husband is on swingers site ! I have the proof but he still denies it. Says if I don’t love him enough to stay he can’t make me. I feel betrayed and could handle the truth but not the denial and lies. Why is he doing this and what shall I do ? Could he be telling the truth ?

OP posts:
imscaredpleasehelp · 03/07/2021 07:56

I would pretend to believe him, say sorry andalusia plans to leave him when you are ready.
but in reality I would argue and shout for a few weeks until he had enough and left me. then I would be in the shit wishing I had kept my mouth shut.
I am so sorry. make an appointment to be checked out for STDs

PegasusReturns · 03/07/2021 07:56

You might want to get this moved to relationships - there’ll be excellent advice there, however your starting point should be not tolerating his bullshit lies.

Tell him you know he’s lying and you’re not interested in hearing more of his lies. Be matter of fact.

What do you want to do? For me it’d be non negotiable I would leave.

CassandraTrotter · 03/07/2021 07:57

Found my husband has been on a fabswingers…He swears on the children’s lives he hasn’t been in the site. He will not tell me the truth despite the evidence on his computer and phone… he is a wonderful husband

Really? You know he has an account and photos connected on his phone but he swore on his children’s lives he doesnt. WhT makes him a Wonderful husband?

Original poster
Scattylady2 · 03/07/2021 07:57

Thanks how do I put it in relationships ? First time on here and I just want to die if I’m honest thanks

OP posts:
HUCKMUCK · 03/07/2021 07:57

How does he explain away the evidence? What a douchebag. I’m sorry @Scattylady2 you must be gutted.

I’m not saying you haven’t already been but can you sit him down, be very calm and say you have this evidence, can he explain it? Have you got definite evidence from the website that he has been on there?

PegasusReturns · 03/07/2021 07:57

Of course he’s not telling the truth.

And the comment about if you don’t live him enough is manipulation 101. He wants you to be the bad guy. Fuck that!

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 03/07/2021 07:58

You don't need him to tell you the truth it's staring you in the face!

PegasusReturns · 03/07/2021 07:59

Report your post to MN and ask them to move it. You can do that by clicking on the three dots on right hand side of your post

Morechocmorechoc · 03/07/2021 08:00

I'd give the ultimatum that he tells the truth right now, or you are done. That lies will not be something you tolerate. If he still lies line your ducks up to go.....wait you know you need to do that anyway, but you may hear what you need, maybe.

So sorry Flowers

Original poster
Scattylady2 · 03/07/2021 08:04

Iv given him the ultimatum told him il tell the kids if he doesn’t tell me the truth but he’s still denying it 😢 first time on here can people see my email address? So scared been up for last 2 nights unable to sleep and unable to tell anyone or our relationship will definitely be over! I know it’s sad but I want to belie him as love my life

OP posts:
breakingthebank · 03/07/2021 08:06

I agree with a previous poster. You don't need him to tell the truth, you have the proof of what he's done. The sad reality is that he may never tell you the truth. Now you have to decide what you want. Can you ask him to leave to give you time to think?

Original poster
Scattylady2 · 03/07/2021 08:08

When I show him the proof he says he doesn’t know how it got on there and he’s not on any site !
Just keeps denying saying he hasn’t done anything and only wants me

OP posts:
Original poster
Scattylady2 · 03/07/2021 08:09

We have a house together and his children Iv asked him to leave and he says he won’t make them homeless we own the house together

OP posts:
Fuckitfuckit · 03/07/2021 08:10

Op, here's how you catch him red handed, so he cannot deny, or hide what he's been upto.

Go onto the website, try and log in with his email address.
If you don't get in, tell it you've forgotten your password and sit with his phone.

When the link to reset password comes up, change it, and see what he's been upto, with him beside you.

You can see messages, a friends list and everything.

I'm betting he's used the same email address as he does for everything considering he's been so careless and kept his dick pics on his phone.

Soontobe60 · 03/07/2021 08:10

Out of interest, what were you doing on that site in the first place?

MaMaD1990 · 03/07/2021 08:10

@Scattylady2

Iv given him the ultimatum told him il tell the kids if he doesn’t tell me the truth but he’s still denying it 😢 first time on here can people see my email address? So scared been up for last 2 nights unable to sleep and unable to tell anyone or our relationship will definitely be over! I know it’s sad but I want to belie him as love my life
I absolutely would NOT tell the children. That would be incredibly stupid to put that on them as a way to get back at your husband for being a twat. Get your affairs in order, go and see a divorce lawyer and get things moving. Under no circumstances should the children be used as a weapon in any of this. That is unacceptable.
peachyandkeen · 03/07/2021 08:10

How old are your kids? If they’re young it would be completely inappropriate to tell them!!

Fuckitfuckit · 03/07/2021 08:12

Oh and when you change the password, change it so something he won't guess. Gives you a little bit of time to get all the proof you need off it for solicitors etc.

Just give yourself a few minutes ahead.

Original poster
Scattylady2 · 03/07/2021 08:12

I found the site on his emails so I checked it out then did some searching! I found searches on his emails and been through search history but he’s deleted everything now

OP posts:
Original poster
Scattylady2 · 03/07/2021 08:14

He now has a new phone with fingerprint and changed all his passwords! Children are teenagers I wasn’t going to tell them just thought it might make him lol the truth but he still denying

OP posts:
DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 03/07/2021 08:14

What a shock for you.

What did you find out ?

MaMaD1990 · 03/07/2021 08:15

@Scattylady2

He now has a new phone with fingerprint and changed all his passwords! Children are teenagers I wasn’t going to tell them just thought it might make him lol the truth but he still denying
Never make ultimatums unless you're going to follow through with either options. It's not funny to use your kids like that.
DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 03/07/2021 08:16

@Scattylady2

I found the site on his emails so I checked it out then did some searching! I found searches on his emails and been through search history but he’s deleted everything now

Can you take a step back, OP?

Start with the email situation.

What made you go through them ?

snugs69 · 03/07/2021 08:17

I would ask someone u trust to join the site and catch him at it red handed Smile