Husband on swingers site denying it

[Scattylady2]

Found my husband has been on a fabswingers site searching for people! He denied Everything then I found a photo of his anatomy in his phone files that is clearly from the same site in Dec 2020
He swears on the children’s lives he hasn’t been in the site ! He will not tell me the truth despite the evidence on his computer and phone 😢 he is a wonderful husband but I don’t know what to do as I feel betrayed and scared that I don’t know this man. Please help me as I don’t know what to do

I would suggest you plot your escape. Don't rush, take the time you need to get over the shock, get your affairs sorted etc. Lots of people here can help with financial advice, and you may need a solicitor but don't rush, it's possible to sort it without one if he's generally fair about it, helps the finances a lot.

Make him sleep in the spare room/on sofa but otherwise don't make a huge fuss, he's only going to lie and you will get upset, he's not worth arguing with. He might only have been looking, he might have a fantasy for you to swing with him even, but once they are on that track it's curtains for your relationship in my experience (exh spent three years trying to persuade me then left me). If he feels guilty enough you'll get a better settlement

Hugs to you, have you got rl support? Trust me, he's not worth it, there's better men out there, I bagged one

At the very least I think you need to get STI tested.

@Scattylady2 Its fine if you dont want to end your marriage or are not strong enough to leave but stop fixating on what he has done because it wont help.

If you are prepared to stay you need to accept what happened and never mention it again.
You need to stop spending every waking moment thinking about it otherwise you wont get through it.

As an aside what would make you end your marriage?
Why are you too scared to leave?
Why do you think so little of yourself that you're prepared to put up with this?

He's lying and trying to gaslight you.

Don't stay with someone who doesn't love and respect you.

If your screenshots has his username then you can check out his verifications and see how 'lucky' he has been. It won't be pleasant reading but then you will at least know if he was just looking/fantasising which I'd say accounts for about 70% of the men on there. 25% are actively trying to hook up but fail to impress and then 5% of men actually meet up with someone.

Especially with Covid, most genuine swingers are steering clear of meets. The swingers clubs are closed and the scene is pretty dead. The only ones using swinging sites to meet are the same as those who would also meet through other hook-up apps as well. You might want to check out Fab Guys.com and see if he is on there too. Sorry.

You know he is lying.

That is clear.

What you do next is up to you and how you would cope staying knowing he is lying. The fact he has sworn on the kids lives when you know he has lied, got a new phone with fingerprint entry and has deleted all search evidence would all be the final nails in the coffin for me.

Play the long game. Syphon of money for your leaving fund.

What do you want to happen?

Is this the end (it would be for me) or do you want to stay together ?

You’ve got proof. Him lying just makes it worse.

Stop with the good husband and dad bollocks. That’s not who he is.

Remember these sites are 90% men, many of the women will only be offering pay-as-you-go pleasure, it's very difficult for a man to get any action when there's so much competition, only the best looking with the best physiques are likely to score

You already know the truth.

What difference will him admitting it make?

You say you can't afford the house etc. How will him admitting what you already know change that?

Any time a man swears on his kids lives an angel dies you know he's fucking lying.