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Original poster

Partner constantly interrupts

89 replies

Lan2020 · 29/06/2021 17:26

And it's driving me nuts.
My partner is quite a loud person and tends to dominate conversation. Ironically he thinks I talk too much and take ages to make a point.

It's always frustrated me and I've told him in the past. He used to be worse because he'd literally walk away as I was talking to him and I would tell him how rude it is.

I'm finding it stressful because he's the same with my DS. He asked my son a question yesterday and he kept trying to answer himself before my son could answer. It actually causes huge friction because my son (who is quiet and respectful) gets very frustrated and annoyed with him.

As I'm typing this I'm listening to my partner in the other room. His friend is over to watch the football and he is interupting him every time he speaks! It's stressing me listening to him.

Honestly, does anyone know how i can tactfully approach this? I've tried telling him it upsets me because I feel that he doesn't value what I say, I have even just stopped talking and said I'm not going to continue telling him things (at times I'll start a sentence several times but give up), I've nicely said when DS talks to you please can you try to listen and not interrupt. He did say he didn't mean to but I think it's just the way he is and it'll be a hard habit to break. He does it with everyone but he's so loud, direct and overpowering with his speech that I don't know how to tackle it anymore.

OP posts:
saraclara · 30/06/2021 10:44

Interrupting and talking loudly out of enthusiasm, is one thing. And it can be managed and reined in.

But in this case is not just about loudness and interrupting..it's about what he's actually saying. He's belittling both you and your son. He's absolutely awful, and I'm especially upset for your poor son. How can you allow this man to be in his life?

bigbaggyeyes · 30/06/2021 10:53

This is no way to live. He's controlling you and gas lighting you with this behaviour.

I'd simply start walking off. The tea incident, I'd go and get my teacup the minute he interrupted, walk off, grab the teacup and present it to him. Then poor the tea into the cup from the one he made you. If he says anything just say 'you interrupted me'

The cot thing made me laugh, how can anyone be so stupid to think song those lines .

YeokensYegg · 30/06/2021 11:41

Why on earth are you with this annoying clod?

I know several have asked you but for some reason you're not answering.

TheVamoosh · 30/06/2021 14:12

You seem to have much bigger problems than you acknowledge. He treats you with utter contempt. Why are you together? This relationship sounds absolutely toxic.

HollowTalk · 30/06/2021 23:36

He thinks you should have counselling. I think you should have it together. It would take a counsellor five minutes to understand your point.

WinterSunglasses · 30/06/2021 23:48

Living with him sounds like a total grind. Why are you still with him? He's made it clear he sees it as your problem, not his. He won't change.

EKGEMS · 01/07/2021 02:15

I'd probably lose my mind around someone like this and would choose to live alone than with him

Notsandwiches · 01/07/2021 02:41

You've just described my ex, he's not called Dave is he?

I noticed this habit and implemented the "talking stick". It was a light hearted way to address it. If someone was talking and someone interrupted then the person who had been interrupted would say something along the lines of "I still have the stick" and just carry on with what they were saying originally. When we started family therapy the therapist picked up on the trait and she suggested a talking ball. My stick wasnt a physical thing but the ball was.

My ex was one of those people who listen to answer instead of listening to learn. He would but in to give his opinion and offer unsolicited advice. He would sometimes pretend to listen and then when I'd finished shake his head as if he was awakening from a dream world. He'd also walk away when I was talking or say he couldn't talk... it was all about controlling the narrative.
He's a narcissist and history now.

Saltyslug · 01/07/2021 02:57

Walk away when he interrupts? Or stop engaging and do something. Cook or whatever

timeisnotaline · 01/07/2021 03:15

Surely life is too short to spend it doing your head in thinking of ways you can surely just make him get it if you try hard enough.
We were discussing some items I'm selling (one being the cot) and he asked how much I'm selling for, I told him and he replied ' you should be selling for way more than that because it took me 2 hours to build it and that would be £160 worth of my time'. such total twattery. His cot building time is not worth that. I might charge clients £100s an hour (& I do) but they expect my professional expertise, not building a cot. They’d pay me £12 an hour for that then ask for half of it back once they saw the finished cot. He’s not worth it and your son deserves more.

Muchmorethan · 01/07/2021 03:27

OP - this relationship seems very draining on you and your DS.... and it shouldn't be.

It appears that DP won't change and so you need to make a choice.....

Either put up with it ... or leave.

When XH left l had a couple of people say how overbearing he was and how l had "lost" myself as I'd given up trying to have an opinion and speaking out..... because it was so frustrating to be constantly interrupted or told I'm "causing an argument" if l tried to tell him l was upset.

Only you can make the decision, but remember your DS is being affected too

askgoogle · 01/07/2021 07:20

It sounds like he might be on the autistic spectrum, has anyone suggested this in the past? An inability to read people's emotions and poor social skills are signs, might be worth looking into this. Sounds a very difficult situation for you.

WinterSunglasses · 01/07/2021 16:28

@askgoogle

It sounds like he might be on the autistic spectrum, has anyone suggested this in the past? An inability to read people's emotions and poor social skills are signs, might be worth looking into this. Sounds a very difficult situation for you.
Not this again. It really is offensive when rudeness and selfishness from men is casually attributed to autism in this way. Plus it pressures the woman into making his behaviour her problem to bear with, research and solve. It isn't.
billy1966 · 01/07/2021 18:24

OP,

Why are you writing about an abusive, loud ignorant prick when you should be thinking of the poor child that you have inflicted on him.

Why are you SO desperate for a man, clearly any gobshite will do, that you would inflict this horror on your child.

He sounds odious and I have NO doubt your son is going to judge you very harshly for inflicting him on his childhood.

You need to cop yourself on.

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