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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner constantly interrupts

89 replies

Lan2020 · 29/06/2021 17:26

And it's driving me nuts.
My partner is quite a loud person and tends to dominate conversation. Ironically he thinks I talk too much and take ages to make a point.

It's always frustrated me and I've told him in the past. He used to be worse because he'd literally walk away as I was talking to him and I would tell him how rude it is.

I'm finding it stressful because he's the same with my DS. He asked my son a question yesterday and he kept trying to answer himself before my son could answer. It actually causes huge friction because my son (who is quiet and respectful) gets very frustrated and annoyed with him.

As I'm typing this I'm listening to my partner in the other room. His friend is over to watch the football and he is interupting him every time he speaks! It's stressing me listening to him.

Honestly, does anyone know how i can tactfully approach this? I've tried telling him it upsets me because I feel that he doesn't value what I say, I have even just stopped talking and said I'm not going to continue telling him things (at times I'll start a sentence several times but give up), I've nicely said when DS talks to you please can you try to listen and not interrupt. He did say he didn't mean to but I think it's just the way he is and it'll be a hard habit to break. He does it with everyone but he's so loud, direct and overpowering with his speech that I don't know how to tackle it anymore.

OP posts:
PrincessNymeria · 29/06/2021 17:28

Could you covertly record him doing it, and play it back to him?

Shelddd · 29/06/2021 17:29

I don't know. I think it needs to come from him. He probably doesn't actually believe it's an issue. That's step one getting him to see it's actually a real thing. Not sure how you achieve that sorry... But without him believing that nothing will change.

Shelddd · 29/06/2021 17:29

@PrincessNymeria

Could you covertly record him doing it, and play it back to him?
That's clever. I like that.
Original poster
Lan2020 · 29/06/2021 17:31

@PrincessNymeria it's an option!

I said to him earlier its hard to talk to you sometimes because you interupt.and he told.me I was rude 🤔

OP posts:
FuckUcuntychops · 29/06/2021 17:32

Sorry but he sounds like an insufferable twat.

UhtredRagnarson · 29/06/2021 17:32

Urgh! I simply couldn’t stand to ever talk to someone who does this. A former colleague did it and I met her again recently at her new job and instantly she was straight in with firing questions at me and then straight away talking instead of actually letting me answer. I just stood looking at her as there was no point in me trying to speak. She didn’t care. She wasn’t asking because she wanted to hear the answer. She was asking because she wanted to talk. That’s what your DP is doing. Disgustingly rude and self absorbed.

I agree with recording him.

UhtredRagnarson · 29/06/2021 17:33

Every time he does it just walk away. If he asks why tell him there’s no point you being there as he has no interest in what you have to say.

PanamaPattie · 29/06/2021 17:35

Does he have anything about him that you like? He sounds awful but I can understand some people not having the patience to wait for someone to tell a story.

Original poster
Lan2020 · 29/06/2021 17:42

@UhtredRagnarson he is pretty much the same. I have even told him.that the world doesn't revolve around him. He also has no patience with me.

Here is an example of a conversation
Him ' Would you like a cup of tea'
Me 'Yes please, I'll just get my...'
Him 'yes or no it's a simple question that requires a one word answer'
Me 'yes I know but I wanted to give you my cup so you could use this one'
Him 'so.is that a yes then'

This is an example of many! He literally can't wait for.me to speak a sentence and seems to find it painful! He's lazy in MANY ways but in others has no patience.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lan2020 · 29/06/2021 17:44

I've also tried.walking away and saying there is no point in talking to him. He'll ask me again what I said, I'll say I can't be bothered to repeat myself if he doesn't want to listen and then he'll tell me I'm grumpy l, miserable and ridiculous.

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 29/06/2021 17:44

Him 'yes or no it's a simple question that requires a one word answer'

He’d be wearing the tea if he spoke to me like that. I simply would not tolerate that from anyone. Why do you?

Kanaloa · 29/06/2021 17:46

He sounds rude. The interrupting is just a symptom of his rude personality, probably nothing you can do if he doesn’t want to improve himself. It’s hard to change yourself and utterly impossible to change someone else. You’ve told him he interrupts and he doesn’t care, so not sure where you would even go from there.

Beetlebrooker · 29/06/2021 17:51

Ha you've just described part of life with my DH - he's so incredibly impatient that he can't bear to wait for me to finish a completely normal sentence (like yours above), or even for me to put my other shoe on before he's marching up the path huffing.

They seem to just have a low level of patience for other people, whether it's speaking or doing. My DH says it's due to his own internalised anxiety, he feels tense and on edge all the time and he doesn't mean to be snippy.

I do gently point out that it's not a good enough reason to be bloody rude, but he still makes allowances for all my weird traits. Grin

earminted · 29/06/2021 17:52

This is how it goes in our house.....

Me starting to tell DH something.
DH telling me what I was going to say.
Me telling him that wasn't what I was going to say.
DH asking what was I about to tell him.
Me saying that he'll never know now.
DH getting the hump.

On a loop. For years.

HoikingUpMyBigGirlPantss · 29/06/2021 17:53

He's a bore. Does he have any redeeming fearures? If not, dump him before he completely destroys your confidence.

Sparklfairy · 29/06/2021 17:59

I know a few people like this. If you carry on talking they just get louder and louder.

What I find works better (but still not foolproof - and they are fools) is as soon as they interrupt go totally silent. Let them run out of air and stop. And stay silent. Until it gets awkward.

I then have a number of responses when they can't bear it anymore with varying degrees of sarcasm.

Oh, am I allowed to speak now?
You interrupted and took so long I've forgotten what I wanted to say.
No, that's fine, carry on, you never let me finish a sentence anyway.
Are you done? I wasn't sure.

It's an arrogant personality trait that really grinds my gears.

barbrahunter · 29/06/2021 17:59

I had an ex who did this and in the end it just stopped me wanting to communicate with him. And yes, I had the finishing the sentences guessing game saga too @earminted. It was one of a number of reasons why I left him.

Topseyt · 29/06/2021 18:06

He sounds like a bore who just loves the sound of his own voice.

@Sparklfairy has good responses to it.

allyf92 · 29/06/2021 18:19

This can be a sign of ADHD - mind racing ahead and impatience for sentences to be finished, while thinking they know what you're going to say (often not the case!)

Bagelsandbrie · 29/06/2021 18:24

He doesn’t just interrupt, he’s rude as well. Well, interrupting in itself is very rude but you know… I think next time he does it I’d actually stop talking, turn around and walk away.

Original poster
Lan2020 · 29/06/2021 18:27

@UhtredRagnarson in honesty, if someone else wrote what I did, I would say the same. He's just quite abrupt with what he says and I feel submissive. If I say anything I'm rude for implying he's rude! He's honestly full of self importance. We were discussing some items I'm selling (one being the cot) and he asked how much I'm selling for, I told him and he replied ' you should be selling for way more than that because it took me 2 hours to build it and that would be £160 worth of my time'. He's said this on more than one occasion. I've never met anyone like him!

@Kanaloa there are definitely other elements of rudeness but he says I'm too sensitive and he's just cheeky.

@Beetlebrooker does it drive you nuts too? It's good he has some insight into the reason behind it. My partner just thinks it's my fault for wanting to say more than 2 words.

@earminted how do you cope?? Does he ever acknowledge he's wrong?

@HoikingUpMyBigGirlPantss I'll have a think and get back to you!

@Sparklfairy I've done that in the past. Usually if I just stop talking he either doesn't notice or he will eventually ask what was I going to say. It's harder with my son though because he gets upset with my partner.

@barbrahunter I go through stages of not talking to him because it actually really upsets me. However I then get told I'm miserable and grumpy and need to be happy like him.

@topseyt you are definitely right

OP posts:
NowEvenBetter · 29/06/2021 18:28

Do you need a boyfriend that much that you inflict this shit on your poor kid? If you’re happy to tolerate your domineering, contemptuous, rude boyfriend why not just date him, keep him out of your kids house.

Original poster
Lan2020 · 29/06/2021 18:29

@allyf92 I've often wondered about this because he doesn't seem to be able to 'read the room' at all in social situations.

@Bagelsandbrie I'm going to start walking away more. The embarrassing thing is when he interups my 10 year old and I have to ask him to let him finish his sentence.

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 29/06/2021 18:29

He's rude.
You need to nip it in the bud as your DS will think that this is how men should behave. @Sparklfairy has the right idea.

VettiyaIruken · 29/06/2021 18:32

God he sounds awful. Are you actually wanting to stay with him?