Partner constantly interrupts

[Lan2020]

And it's driving me nuts.
My partner is quite a loud person and tends to dominate conversation. Ironically he thinks I talk too much and take ages to make a point.

It's always frustrated me and I've told him in the past. He used to be worse because he'd literally walk away as I was talking to him and I would tell him how rude it is.

I'm finding it stressful because he's the same with my DS. He asked my son a question yesterday and he kept trying to answer himself before my son could answer. It actually causes huge friction because my son (who is quiet and respectful) gets very frustrated and annoyed with him.

As I'm typing this I'm listening to my partner in the other room. His friend is over to watch the football and he is interupting him every time he speaks! It's stressing me listening to him.

Honestly, does anyone know how i can tactfully approach this? I've tried telling him it upsets me because I feel that he doesn't value what I say, I have even just stopped talking and said I'm not going to continue telling him things (at times I'll start a sentence several times but give up), I've nicely said when DS talks to you please can you try to listen and not interrupt. He did say he didn't mean to but I think it's just the way he is and it'll be a hard habit to break. He does it with everyone but he's so loud, direct and overpowering with his speech that I don't know how to tackle it anymore.

Oh dear just read you have a baby with him. So that complicates matters. I suppose it's not as simple as giving him the boot.

But he's not only rude and annoying but he doesn't care because you are his inferior (not really but as he sees it). He doesn't let anyone get a word in edgeways and then says YOU talk too much. What planet is he on?

And he's a gaslighter. Telling you you have mental issues and need therapy or that it's your time of the month. Ooo hysterical irrational women, no point reasoning with them, just put them in their place. Shame you can't just give em a good slap like the good old days, eh?

I couldn't bear it to be honest.

He's doing a proper job on you OP. You do realise that when he tells you it's your fault, you don't have to agree, don't you? He's an arse.

Get your poor kids out of that house. The eldest is being belittled, bullied and made to feel like shit in his own home.
When that prick is on his own he can talk as much as he likes.

Please stop diagnosing people on Mumsnet! Unless you’re a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist and you’ve had multiple interviews with them you can’t possibly know what’s going on.

OP, I had a colleague like this. I called him out on it every time. Every time he interrupted I held my hand out as in ‘STOP’ and said, ‘Wait, I haven’t finished what I was saying’, and it seemed to calm him down most of the time.

People with ADHD often interrupt but like anyone they can have pleasant or unpleasant personality alongside that. So I don't think you would find it so upsetting if he wasn't also rude and dismissive of all your opinions and doesn't even try to curb his inclination. A nice person with ADHD would probably apologise if you pointed out they kept interrupting, even if they can't help doing it sometimes. So even if he does have ADHD this is no excuse for being unkind and rude beyond the interrupting.

Surely him having some kind of undiagnosed ASD/ADHD/neurodiversity is almost irrelevant? He's still treating you like shit OP, and also doing it to your son in his own home.

Honestly I'd get rid of him. Life is too short to question your own sanity in your own home and be talked down to. Your son will think this is normal. That in itself would make me want to run for the hills and never look back.

He sounds like hard work OP. What would you like to do?

My ex was like this. He would interrupt me mid sentence to point out something so insignificant and unrelated to what I was talking about. And he never apologized and told me to continue the conversation he would just keep on with whatever he was talking about. He was a rude prick and it’s one of the many reasons he’s an ex.

The MN diagnoses help no one. It is making excuses for poor behaviour.

OP's DP is rude, arrogant and a bully.
The interruptions, telling OP she has mental issues, remarks about hormones and attitude towards DS (DSS) are completely unacceptable.

God how rude. I would not want a friend like that, let alone a partner. Not a hope I'd put up with that. He is disrespectful, rude and arrogant.

He's a rude, gaslighting, arrogant, negging twat who thinks he's more important than anyone else. Definitely much more important than you. And your poor son.

Do you really need a boyfriend this much?

He sounds insufferable. I'd bin him pronto. Your poor kid.

Honestly, I don’t understand how you get into a relationship with someone like this, surely you’d be put off seeing them again!
You have obviously had a baby with him, but regardless, I would seriously be leaving if I was you. He is not just rude, but nasty and superior and putting you down. Your son deserves better, your baby deserves better, you deserve better.

There was a poster on here a few months back who said that her partner (of many years) found her accent and voice irritating. Thing is she'd always had them hadn't she? My XH used to go on Hugh Grant esque waffles as far as I was concerned when we met which descended into hate filled rants at the state of society by the end. I had also lost patience with him trying to say something that could be accomplished in a sentence in 300 words. Notwithstanding your partner sounds like an arse, this will have been like this in some form or another for some time. Once contempt has set in it is hard to wind back from that. Your relationship sounds like it has 'completed'.

Record - transcribe and highlight the text where it is someone else speaking.
Or highlight both in different colours.

Do this with several conversations (ie different ones). Just present him with this and then leave it for a week or so or if he wants to talk before.

Seeing it visually in one go might be easier than trying to make him watch a recording

I am not accusing you of being waffly, I am saying that things that we may have excused at the start or seen as adorable may descend into the things that we irritate us most at the end.

He talks over me so much and gets loud/shouty to the point I raise my voice to be heard. He then tells me I'm an angry person and I need to seek therapy for my issues and insecurities. He honestly makes me feel as though I'm mentally unstable and that I'm the strange one.

I'm so sorry. This man is abusive and he's running your life and your son's. He is simply a very nasty piece of work.

I couldn't imagine the rest of my life with this man, and I couldn't continue to inflict him on my child. I really couldn't. Please free yourself from this person.

My ex was like this - his opinion dominated everyone else's.

He'd tell me I was wrong when I knew I was right & would accuse me of shouting if I tried to get my point across - I'd make my voice quieter & quieter to just a whisper & he's still be saying I was shouting & bullying him

When he'd finished his point he'd often say "This conversation is finished" and leave the room so no-one else could say anything

He is also a medical professional with (I strongly suspect) ADHD

I couldn't live with this!

he replied ' you should be selling for way more than that because it took me 2 hours to build it and that would be £160 worth of my time'.

Just say "good thing I didn't ask a brain surgeon to build it then"

It just sounds like standard overt narcissist (npd) bs to me. He implies you are the rude, impatient one when infact its him. He gaslights you. He treats you like shit and i bet he thinks he is right about everything and his opinions are the only ones that matter.

I learned that the biggest and most obvious red flag ofa particularly overt narcissist is that when talking to them you always feel like you have to rush to say what you need to say because they are (impatiently) waiting their turn to speak. Like you are annoying background noise to them or something.

Seriously op, run for the fucking hills. Value your boy more. Don't let him see that it's ok for people to dismiss him (or womens opinions) as 'irrelevant'.

Because if this is going on...its going to get worse. A lot worse.

Turn the tables and start doing it to him every time he opens his mouth to speak. When he gets annoyed, tell him that's what he does to other people ALL THE TIME.

Good grief, OP, life is too short to tolerate this shit. Why are you putting up with it? There are over three billion men on this planet, surely you can find one better than this charmless twerp?

Ohhh I can be guilty of this! I’m so aware of it and have had to work really hard to stop! Does he have any mental health issues? I am only asking because I have bipolar disorder and my brain sometimes seems to run ahead of where it should be especially if I’m feeling a bit hypomanic. Therapy has helped and working through a DBT skills handbook.

From a self aware POV…do you take forever to finish a story? Or repeat yourself? I’ve worked hard on not interrupting so as not to seem rude or
upset others but I still find it so frustrating when people take forever to make a point, or (like my DH!) repeat the same story several times a week

@FuckUcuntychops

Sorry but he sounds like an insufferable twat.

Yeah this. I'm not actually sure as a fully grown adult he can change this behaviour. My sister's husband interrupts a lot. It drives me bonkers.

[quote Lan2020]@allyf92 I've often wondered about this because he doesn't seem to be able to 'read the room' at all in social situations.

@Bagelsandbrie I'm going to start walking away more. The embarrassing thing is when he interups my 10 year old and I have to ask him to let him finish his sentence.[/quote]
I think you're getting adhd confused with something else. It's not an issue with social reading of situations. Just FYI.

People with adhd can struggle in social settings but it's not because there are issues with reading emotions or tone. It's often due to regulation of attention.

Can we also not do the thing where we blame shitty rude behaviour on Nero diversity. As there are many people who are just fucking rude and many non neuro divergent people who are not rude.

You’ve been asked multiple times on this thread, @Lan2020, but seem to be ignoring the questions…
Why are you in a relationship with someone who treats you like this?
You don’t seem to like this man at all (understandably!), so what are you getting out of this relationship that’s worth subjecting your son to someone who treats him like this (and who has a son with the same behaviour)?