The One Where Geller Proves He Is As Useful As A Chocolate Teapot

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Hear that ticking my lovelies?

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

That’s the sound of the bomb I have just thrown over the metaphorical trench edge at Geller. Here’s the previous thread if you need to catch up. As ever, thank you for the support and the cheering and the banter and for giving me fresh perspectives.

I am fucking DONE. Done with this. I need to stand up and fight for the girls. He is NEVER going to do what he needs to for them.

So I picked them up from school and they were quiet but ok. We’ve had pizza in our pjs and they’re asleep. I have had a barrage of questions about who I have seen this weekend and what I’ve been doing and why am I wearing new clothes and do I have new friends and am I working as much as I should be etc etc. Clearly fed by him, they’ve never done that before.

Then I get this (he hadn’t responded to my previous message at all)

How is DD1?

We can talk albeit I have very little time in the next few days. Strangely someone praised me this weekend for how well I dealt with one of her meltdowns. She really struggled with the homework. Together we bought various materials while DD2 was having her hair cut. But of course when she made it, it didn’t go well. However she and I did it together first thing Sunday before DD2 woke and she did it brilliantly.

It was DD1 that led our walk while DD2 was a pain and tried to stop us going, finally relenting after the first field.

Both of them played brilliantly with the boys over the other side of the fence. But it’s the usual challenge of when they are on their own in a small space. It’s simply a very intense thing single parenting. And I can’t break DD1 on sleeping alone and I’m not prepared for it to become tears and anger. As I say she ended up watching the football and was engrossed.

So I said

I also have very little time. So I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.

She is in bed, asleep, with clean hair. They have both been quiet and we have talked about zero tolerance for violence, shouting and arguing. and what that means and the importance of kind words and being gentle and how to act when you’re angry and that you need to be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth as they can upset people. I repeat, next week I will email to discuss the shape of the next school year as it sounds like the current arrangement isn't working for the girls if they are that short of sleep and upset at the start of the school week. The girls need you in their life but it needs to come at a lower emotional cost for them and for me.

I would like to make you aware the level of messaging is unwelcome, and that I am looking to address this and agree on appropriate levels of communication moving forward.

I await the nuclear explosion which will no doubt follow.

I. Am. Done.

[quote StuckInPollyannaMode]@SpringCrocus check your PMs my lovely

I’ve had about 2 hours sleep.

I want to go home. I’ve had enough. Nothing has happened. But oh my god, the fussing, the faffing, the endless digs at my dad, the sniping, the small mind and the mean little comments and the complete fucking delusion that everything is wonderful.

Other family members feel the same. So at least it’s not just me.

I leave on Wednesday. I have Cunning Plans to manage the rest of my time here. So cunning I could pin a tail on them and call them a fox. I also have a yoga class and dinner at a very nice pub booked for Wednesday night when I get home.

If I can get through leaving Geller I can get through this, right? Plus I keep imagining you all cheering me on. Thank you all for sticking with me.[/quote]
Keep breathing, take a nap later, whatever you need to get through it ♥️

I eventually ended up staying with an old school friend who lived locally to my mother, & spent part of the day with my mother, then went back to gf's house in the evening for therapeutic wine.
Next time you visit could you do this? Or book an airb&b locally?

@Mix56

I eventually ended up staying with an old school friend who lived locally to my mother, & spent part of the day with my mother, then went back to gf's house in the evening for therapeutic wine. Next time you visit could you do this? Or book an airb&b locally?

Very good call!

Foxy lady! Not long now. Family can be hard but you're going to get through it.

Foxy Lady always makes me think of this song, and having a boyfriend at the time sing it to me! Quite a head rush when you're 15 . Not sure Wayne's World has aged terribly well though......
You've got this Polly hang on in there.

You can do this! Head down, bulldoze through.

To paraphrase.. you laugh in the face of mother’s sneering, you drop ice cubes down the vest of Control!

You could always try the old “What’s wrong with your face, Mum?” When she makes disapproving facial gestures at you or your Dad. (I imagine you’d come down like an avalanche if she tried with the girls.) Maybe suggest she see a doctor for Bell’s Palsy or something. Perhaps she’s having a stroke?
Then get back on with the happiness with everyone else.

You're doing so well! Almost there. . .

I'd be tempted to peer at your Mum with great concern, when she's making disapproving faces, asking if she thinks perhaps the doctor should be checking her out, because she seems to be making these funny faces a lot lately. . . do hope it's nothing serious. . .

If it helps, Polly, you should know that you're making me see my own relationship with my mother in a very clear light. Thankyou. The more you post, the more your revelations help... you're affecting far more of us than you realize. x

@Justilou1

I would love to join in, but have coeliac disease. Gluten free scones taste like disappointment. There is no point. (Also on keto diet to send arse back up from behind knees back to where it should be, but that’s a whole other story….)

Sorry to hijack Polly!

I don't eat gluten but I'm not coeliac. This recipe is supposed to be for American style 'biscuits' but it tastes sooo like scones! They're a tad messy to make, I'd recommend you use a bit less salt and half the recipe unless you're feeding the five thousand but they're bloody lovely fresh from the oven. I freeze the excess and defrost in the microwave when I fancy them.

As you were

Polly, you survived years being married to Geller. If you can survive that without murdering anybody, you can survive anything.

You're doing great!

@marriednotdead- Thanks so much! I’d give it a crack if I wasn’t also doing keto. (Very successful so far!!!)
@StuckInPollyannaMode - ONE MORE SLEEP

22.5 hours to go.

I’m holding strong. Doing ok. You can see how confused she is.

I’m so, so tired. Just want to get home so I can sleep.

One last push.

How are we all doing with watching the Olympics? Tom Daly yesterday made me cry.

And now I want to eat scones 🤣

You'll get the gold medal for endurance

@Lougle

You'll get the gold medal for endurance

I favour the Scone of Success for such an endurance sport, personally.

You are one amazing woman. How are the DDs coping, are they oblivious to the shift in dynamic? Hopefully they aren't stepping into the people pleasing vacancy you've left behind.

Ooooh! Polly did it! Marathon done! Olympic medals in the mail a-la Covid procedures!
Damn! Just realised it’s Weds here and you’re still a bit behind. THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM THE FUTURE!!!

Polly pack your bag! What a relief to get back to your safe place.
May I suggest you have no need to see them till at least Xmas.
Keep all further visits short. 48hrs max
Or stay locally & drop in
Any visits to yours need to be kept likewise 48hrs max, work commitments may mean you have to be out...working from the library or drinking coffee at gf's house
Unless you feel you could handle it, to be able to spend time with your Dad.
I "neglected" my Dad, he died at 75. I miss him like I would miss my right hand

Welcome home, Polly! I agree with short visits only, maintain the grey rock, change that dynamic completely and let your mum be confused. You're not her punch bag any more.

Don't be in too much of a hurry to say welcome back, it's all over etc. She could be being stuffed into a cell for suspected matricide at this very moment.

Polly put the kettle on… Forget the kettle, open the gin. It’s your own damn house.

Welcome home, Polly! Well done on surviving
You have definitely earned a

I’m HOME!!!! Mum cried as we left and said it had been an ‘exceptional’ few days. Then thanked me for doing the washing up. Dad just hugged me and said ‘keep on keeping on, loved one’

I have had tea, a cry and have my music on. Scented candles are lit and the windows are wide open.

Yoga tonight. God knows I need it.

Tomorrow I may try and make myself an actual Scone of Endurance. I’ve earned it.