Why do people want to live together?

[SpiderInTheBathroom]

Disclaimer: I have autism. I'm not being obtuse or disingenuous with this question.

Other than sharing the financial/domestic load which, from reading any threads on here doesn't always happen, what are the benefits to living with a partner? Why do you do it?

I ask because I tried it once and hated it! Always someone else and their stuff in my space! The company was nice but never being able to truly escape it was hard. We had separate bedrooms because i couldn't sleep with his clutter in there.

I'm in my 40s so a lot of women I know are married or in relationships and live together or wanting to and it just doesn't seem to benefit many of them except their living costs are reduced. I have a friend who is desperate to move in with her boyfriend of two years but it seems to be more about validating the relationship and knowing where he is every evening than anything else.

I feel like you OP, I don't know if I could stand to share my space with someone 24/7. I haven't entirely given up on finding a soulmate but if I do I'm leaning towards each in their own place, if at all possible. I'm definitely never getting married, can't see any point or advantage to it, though I can understand why some people do.

Also hate sleeping with someone, I feel like I can't move as I might wake them. And waking up with someone in my bed sucks.

I dunno. I don't think I'd like to be without hin full time and I do have a child by him as well, but I sure miss his work trips away these days!

OP, I used to think like you until my mid teens. I had no idea why people would pu themselves through such thing. I did not get what was good about sleeping in the same bed, sharing stuff, having to come to agreements when it came to money and just general cohabitation. With time i began to feel a desire to be with someone and to even feel deeply sad at the possobility of never finding such a person. Now i'm marries to my lovely wife. She drives me crazy sometimes but she is very kindand respects my need for privacy and space while being a joy to live with. She completely understands my geeky side. She cooks wonderfully and treats me to very nice meals. She loves my cats and my dogs and they love her back. She is a quiet person who enjoys being in the same room as i am just for the sake of being near while each of us do our own thing. The sex is great. She looks and smels nice. I just love her company so much and i'm happier when she is around.

What made it possible for me to envision living wirh someone was the realisation that healthy relationships are full of liberty within themselves. I travel alone, she travels alone. I have my own friends and she has hers. I would never open one of her drawers, would never ho snooping around and she'd never expet me to make myself smaller in order foe our relationship to work. She is a dear friend.

@VienneseWhirligig

I loved having someone there at the end of the work day to talk to - moan about my day, tell him gossip or things that I'd heard, talk about current affairs, just generally another adult who I loved and trusted who listened to me and reciprocated the conversation. It's fucking lonely when you've had that for 20 years and he has the temerity to die, leaving you talking to a box of ashes instead

On the serious side though that is one of the hardest things about living without my DH. I obviously miss him for himself, but the loneliness is the hardest part for me. Friends don't want to know when you've been widowed really, they don't know what to say and your sudden singleness spoils previously coupley events, so you don't get invited.

Sorry to read this. You need to try and find some new friends. That lot sound horrible.

Thank you for these replies! Very insightful for me.

It seems that a lot of people do choose to live together for the financial benefits and, whilst I can see how that would help, it wouldn't be worth me giving up my space and time to have it.

I don't have relationships generally, I find them quite difficult to navigate and find it quite claustrophobic having someone else around.

It's good to hear that other people don't feel the need or desire to live with anyone else either - makes me feel a bit more 'normal'!