I know I go along with stuff without expressing what I really want.. I guess I feel i don't have a say and worry he won't want me if I don't do what he likes.
I mean this kindly but you're so not in a good head space to be having sex. If someone leaves you because you won't do what they want I means either a) they're a bad person and so splitting up is a good thing, or b) you're incompatible and so splitting up is a good thing.
When you do start having sex again, you need to take it slowly so you have time to decide (during the process of having sex) if what you're about to do right now is what you want, or not. Sex is something you should be an active participant in, sex is not something that's done to you and it's happening/happened before you've had time to decide if you want to do xyz or not.
You sound like you don't even really know which sex acts you enjoy. Or realise that just because you want to do something on Monday evening, it doesn't mean you have to do t on Friday morning. Or because you did something with person A you have/should do it with person B. Literally every time you have sex you get to choose what you do and don't consent to, including deciding whether or not to have sex in the first place.
It might help you to think of if it was a stranger. So if a stranger crept into you bed and started groping you, that means you have to a) say "no" or b) have sex? If your partner started groping you in the supermarket bread isle you'd have to either a) say "no" or b) have sex? That's not how consent works.
Consent is, well, consent. Its not 'failure to fight him off' or 'failure to say "no" '.
Consent isn't: freezing up, panicking, crying, wanting to say "no" but unable to vocalise it, wishing sex wasn't happening, feeling awful, behaving weird, doing what you think you should, doing what doesn't make him angry/sulky/upset, or a million other things I can't think of right now.
The thing about tapping him on the arm. A) that needs to be agreed before you have sex, every time. And B) the signal should be by mutual agreement too. He doesn't get to decide alone what the signal is. He also doesn't get to decide in his head that there's a signal and he's going to ignore anything except the signal and not even bother to mention that to you !
If we theoretically decided give your partner the benefit of the doubt, say he's confused what's acceptable, that situation would mean your partner seriously needs to educate himself in what consent is. Like, attend a 'perpetrator of domestic violence' course or something.
Because if he's genuinely "confused" then he's probably raped others too and will continue to do so in the future after you've dumped him. And one day he'll find himself in a whole heap of trouble, when one of his victims decides not to keep quiet and excuse his behaviour but to report it instead.