Spat at

[Mummabear101]

an awkward one and a subject I don't really talk to anyone about. Especially not my parents or sister!! They would worry too much! I met my partner - whose significantly younger than me - after I finally got away from my previous, very toxic relationship. He was amazing at the beginning. Was there at all my craziness & when I was homeless after my ex locked me out of my house & kept my children away from me. That's all resolved now & I have a good relationship with my kids, but not the ex.

Sorry, but this is long!

OK, so me & my partner got pregnant very quickly! Was mirrical considering my age, polysyctic ovaries & coeliac disease!!

Our beautiful baby arrived healthy and double strong!

Fast forward 3 years. My current partner has anger issues. One occasion he threatened to smash the glass fire front over my head - after he'd tried to strangle me. He was drunk & super apologetic the next day, so i gave him a second chance. He's punched holes in walls & doors, pulled the door off it's hinges in his rages. Most recently he spat directly in my face in front of our child during an argument. I was just trying to get him to calm down as I could see he was loosing it! When he spat, I told him to leave immediately! He always takes our baby when he goes & doesn't tell me where they are.

He says he's accepted he has a problem & has called the Dr - currently waiting for an appointment. I'm so at a loss what to do now?? Should i accept him back & support him? He's so good with our child! Or keep him out for everyone's sake!? I don't want my child growing up thinking that's acceptable behaviour! He actually has a very good heart. His brothers all have relationship issues though constantly - violence usually a factor.
I'm completely on.my own where I currently live. He has a huge family all locally.
What do I do????

From an exhausted , older mother whose trying to keep her head above water.

Jesus Christ why have you put a smiley face? This is beyond fucked up and you know.

If it's real get over the xxx and the emojis and get out of there.

Leave with your child and get as far away as you can. Don't tell him where you are. Take legal advice.

u get yourself and your baby away from him as quickly as possible and never look back obviously.. u know this???

I imagine there will be a social services referral now from the dr so you’d be best to be seen to be making strides to leave this abusive idiot

He tried to STRANGLE YOU? You realise that means he wanted to kill you, right?

He's so good with our child!

No he fucking isn't, what a ridiculous thing to say.

Or keep him out for everyone's sake!?

Yes, to keep your child safe from a violent abuser of women. I would suggest that should be your priority. Yes.

I don't want my child growing up thinking that's acceptable behaviour!

Then you can't stay. Or you're showing him it is.

He actually has a very good heart.

No. He. Doesn't.

He really fucking doesn't.

For your and your child's safety, please leave him. This man is violently abusing you and could have killed you by strangling you.

This is domestic violence and nothing else. You and your child are at risk. Seek help and leave if you can.

Please read this: www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/

Your partner could easily kill you without even setting out to do so by strangling you. Him throttling you is a huge red flag for potential future lethal violence.

Staying risks your child growing up motherless.

I almost feel like this post is a joke to provoke a reaction.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

You basically went from one abuser to another one, that scenario is not uncommon. Your boundaries, already weakened by previous abuse, have been and are being further eroded by this man now.

He is not a good father to his child if he abuses you as her mother. He can stay with his family.

Do talk to Women’s Aid, they can help you further here. Your safety and that of your child should be of paramount importance here to you.

He strangled you. And that’s the afterthought to your comment about him threatening to smash a glass fire guard over your head. You have been well and truly brainwashed by this abusive arsehole and your ex if you can’t see how absolutely brutally fucked up this is.

Go and see YOUR GP, tell them what’s he’s done, get it on record that he has threatened and physically assaulted you. With any luck they’ll get children’s services involved, and you’ll get help to keep your baby away from this violent cunt.

He takes your baby away from you and doesn’t tell you where. He’s the type who will threaten and eventually kill your baby to teach you a lesson. Classic family annihilator by the sound of it.

HE IS DANGEROUS. Get the fuck away from him ASAP and don’t look back.

This is not up for debate. And he isn’t a good dad with a good heart. He’s a messed up excuse for a man.

Jesus Christ you can type out what you just did then say he's got a good heart and is a good dad.
So good he spat in your face in front of your child.

Nothing you describe sounds like a man with a good heart. I think that's nothing more than wishful thinking on your part.

For your sake and your child's, you need to get away and stay away from this man before he seriously injures you or worse.

He sounds no different to your ex.

He's a violent abuser who, younger than you or not, reeled you in when you were vulnerable and then took the mask off once he had quickly got you pregnant.

Take your child and go.

Report him to the police, get him out of your house and your lives

fucking hell - as if strangulation isn't bad enough. He takes your baby away! I have no words, literally none.

Run now - literally run. Police, Women's Aid and bloody run.

Thankyou for your replies. Reading it back it really does sound like a joke, or a pathetic excuse! My girl certainly has to come first and he is so volatile. Hopefully he will get the help he needs.
God! Why is life so freaking hard!!??

A good father doesn't spit in its child's mothers face in front of them. A good father doesn't remove the child from the mother and disappear with it in a rage.

None of this is normal or ok.

I feel so sad for the kid witnessing this.

It will destroy them.

Just leave this sack of shit, please.

So what are you actually going to do next?

Because your child is currently in danger. Every day you stay with this excuse for a man.

Especially as you say he takes her with him when he goes places and doesn't tell you where they are. He does this to control you and is willing to let harm come to his daughter (as it already will have emotionally) to punish you.

You seriously typed "He actually has a very good heart" and "he's so good with our child." So you honestly believe those statements to be true?

Because if so you need some proper support in place to safeguard your child as you're not able to make decisions in their best interest at the moment.

So what's the plan?

Where are your other children in all of this?

HE’S NOT GOOD WITH YOUR CHILD IF HE SPITS IN HIS CHILDS MOTHERS FACE, TRIES TO STRANGLE THE CHILD’S MOTHER AND THREATENS THE CHILDS MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!

There is no help that will change him. He doesn't have anger management issues; he's not road raging, he's strangling his partner - there's a big difference.

You need to read up on abusers because you have a pattern of accepting them. Please use this time to get clued up on how to escape. He will not change.

He's currently not at the house & I've taken his key, preventing him from letting himself in whenever he feels like it.
I was waiting for him to get help, but don't think he'll ever be back in my house!

I have no support network where I currently live, so looking to move up north nr my family.

You tell him to leave and he takes the child with him!!??

Kick him out for good and speak to the police about domestic violence.