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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Spat at

92 replies

Mummabear101 · 24/06/2021 21:11

an awkward one and a subject I don't really talk to anyone about. Especially not my parents or sister!! They would worry too much! I met my partner - whose significantly younger than me - after I finally got away from my previous, very toxic relationship. He was amazing at the beginning. Was there at all my craziness & when I was homeless after my ex locked me out of my house & kept my children away from me. That's all resolved now & I have a good relationship with my kids, but not the ex.

Sorry, but this is long!

OK, so me & my partner got pregnant very quickly! Was mirrical considering my age, polysyctic ovaries & coeliac disease!!

Our beautiful baby arrived healthy and double strong!

Fast forward 3 years. My current partner has anger issues. One occasion he threatened to smash the glass fire front over my head - after he'd tried to strangle me. He was drunk & super apologetic the next day, so i gave him a second chance. He's punched holes in walls & doors, pulled the door off it's hinges in his rages. Most recently he spat directly in my face in front of our child during an argument. I was just trying to get him to calm down as I could see he was loosing it! When he spat, I told him to leave immediately! He always takes our baby when he goes & doesn't tell me where they are.

He says he's accepted he has a problem & has called the Dr - currently waiting for an appointment. I'm so at a loss what to do now?? Should i accept him back & support him? He's so good with our child! Or keep him out for everyone's sake!? I don't want my child growing up thinking that's acceptable behaviour! He actually has a very good heart. His brothers all have relationship issues though constantly - violence usually a factor.
I'm completely on.my own where I currently live. He has a huge family all locally.
What do I do????

From an exhausted , older mother whose trying to keep her head above water.Smile

OP posts:
MarshmallowAra · 25/06/2021 14:58

Well toddlers can be violent, aggressive, irrational etc.

Maybe that's what op means.

Either way a toddler brain/development level in an adult is not going to result in anything good.

CandyLeBonBon · 25/06/2021 14:59

@MarshmallowAra

Well toddlers can be violent, aggressive, irrational etc.

Maybe that's what op means.

Either way a toddler brain/development level in an adult is not going to result in anything good.

It's the indulgent tone I'm more concerned with tbh m.
youvegottenminuteslynn · 25/06/2021 15:03

Your poor middle kid watching this all unfold again when they thought they might be kept safe at last.

Are you going to call the police? And report his actions to date? If not, you aren't showing that you can safely risk assess and protect your children from harm IMO.

Men like this rarely just fuck off, especially when kids are involved. You need support and you need to get ahead of the situation and flag up that you understand that rather than waiting for him to retaliate or lose it and then being asked why you didn't seek to protect your children sooner.

billy1966 · 25/06/2021 16:51

Please report what he did.

Your poor child witnessing such a scene.

Truly shocking.
Flowers

RoseRedRoseBlue · 25/06/2021 17:37

So......have the Police been informed yet?

Umberellatheweatha · 25/06/2021 18:34

@Mummabear101

Thankyou for your replies. Reading it back it really does sound like a joke, or a pathetic excuse! My girl certainly has to come first and he is so volatile. Hopefully he will get the help he needs. God! Why is life so freaking hard!!??
He doesn't need help. He isn't angry, he is abusive. That's why he threatens you, and WHY he is angry. To intinidate and gain control over you. He has no reason to change, he is doing exactly what he wants, deliberately.

Get some help for yourself maybe though. Do the freedom program. Also best avoid dating for the foreseeable future until you've done the work on learning how to spot abusers. And perhaps had some therapy for any codependency issues you may have.

Polkadots2021 · 25/06/2021 18:42

OP if half your family would say you're being a drama queen then no wonder you have totally eroded boundaries! He is mentally a mess and a violent man who cannot be around your children (or you). Aside from anything else you might lose access to your own children if SS hear about this and know you didn't remove them from him/him from the house.

chickenyhead · 25/06/2021 18:44

OP does he spit at his boss at work? Does he strangle women on the street?

No.

He is choosing to do this to you.

billy1966 · 25/06/2021 19:04

Get the help he needs?

Are you kidding me?

He is utter scum.

Save your compassion for your child that had to witness DV.

Thisnamewasnttaken123 · 25/06/2021 21:21

"OP does he spit at his boss at work? Does he strangle women on the street?

No.

He is choosing to do this to you."

Totally agree^^
I hope you have called the police OP.

Mummabear101 · 25/06/2021 23:21

Such great advice & different points of view! He is removed from my house. Police have been informed and I will seek help to get myself sorted. With 2 disastrous relationships under my belt, it's time to focus solely on my kids and myself.

OP posts:
toiletbrushholder · 25/06/2021 23:24

Trying to strangle you is a HUGE risk factor. He's a risk to you and your child. Report him, do not let him back, get legal advice.

toiletbrushholder · 25/06/2021 23:28

Well done reporting him, it's not easy. Now block him. Work on moving where you have more support if you can. You can do this and you deserve so much better so do your children.

chickenyhead · 25/06/2021 23:31
Flowers

No more abusers here!

Well done OP.

billy1966 · 25/06/2021 23:49

Well done OP

RoseRedRoseBlue · 25/06/2021 23:53

@Mummabear101

Such great advice & different points of view! He is removed from my house. Police have been informed and I will seek help to get myself sorted. With 2 disastrous relationships under my belt, it's time to focus solely on my kids and myself.
Well done 👍
CandyLeBonBon · 26/06/2021 00:02

@Mummabear101

Such great advice & different points of view! He is removed from my house. Police have been informed and I will seek help to get myself sorted. With 2 disastrous relationships under my belt, it's time to focus solely on my kids and myself.
About time
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