Would you be hurt by this, or am I being over sensitive?

[lavenderandwisteria]

I probably should name change, but here goes.

DP is working from home and has been for over a year now. Because of this I do feel pressured to be out and about during the day with baby ds.

Today one of ds classes had been cancelled, so while he had a nap I was watching a TV show. DP asked if I was going out. I could be being a bit over sensitive but it did feel a bit like I was being hinted at quite heavily. I did try to take ds out in the pram when he woke up but it was raining quite heavily.

At around 6 ds was getting restless so I asked dp if he was planning on going to the supermarket. He said he ‘could’, and took ds. This was for about 45 minutes. I then did ds bath and bed, while dp went back to work on his laptop. He’s still there now.

I understand he’s busy but its really hurtful, is it too much to expect a quick ‘I’m really sorry, there’s loads on at the moment, I’ll make it up to you’?

What’s the issue, that he’s working again tonight?

That he has barely spoken to me all day except to ask if I’m going out.

I don’t understand either — do you want him to stop work now? And surely if he’s working from home, he needs to systematise where he’s working — set up a workspace and stay there so that you and your baby aren’t tiptoeing about?

I don’t mean to sound short, but I can’t make it any clearer than being upset at the fact I and ds have been ignored all day apart from one ‘when are you going out’ question.

I don’t mind him working, but I think it’s reasonable to communicate with me about this.

I agree Op it does make you feel a bit second class. I would find it unacceptable.

Does he know you are upset? Have you tired to speak to him?

I wonder what else is going on for you. Does he work more hours now he's at home all day? I found that I felt quite lonely having someone's presence around the house but no communication as he was working longer and longer hours. We spoke about it and he's now sticking to his hours, going for a walk and then 'coming home as usual' where we talk and do stuff together. I can't really ask that he talks during work hours as he's busy but it does feel odd.

I don’t want him to talk during work hours, but it’s twenty past eight.

I wouldn’t mind ‘really sorry, I'm snowed under’ but I'm hurt I am apparently not even worthy of that much communication.

Maybe he’s very stressed today? Is he usually warmer?

WFH can create an odd dynamic re communication levels. If he was in the office would you expect contact?

Do you get out to groups etc for interaction during the day?

Your post makes no sense, I think you’re making an issue out of nothing.

Can he go back to the office? My DH works all hours and I find it much harder when he’s in the house and ignoring me instead of at the office ignoring me!

What are his normal working hours?

Wfh can be weird because while they are physically there, mentally they’re not really and it can feel like you’re being ignored, or you’re getting in the way/being a distraction. Plus it is harder to draw the line between work and home, and you do end up working later sometimes.
Is there an end in sight for the wfh?

Oh god I wish bigbus! But it isn’t looking likely.

premium make your mind up.

Sadly not.

Like I say I don’t mind working late. Sometimes that happens.

But if it was me I wouldn’t just assume dp was okay with being ignored for a twenty four hour stretch I suppose.

Are you on mat leave OP?

I am, yes.

Yeah I don’t get the issue here. Just say “are you nearly done, I miss you!” if you want him to stop work? Communicate!

Talk to him then. Conversation is a 2 way street. Have you not discussed dinner?

When he was in the office did you expect him to call you regularly too?

I’m also not understanding, are you lonely and bored?

Funnily enough bluntness if he’d been in the office until half eight in the evening I would expect a phone call to say this, yes

As I’ve said I don’t mind him working. I do mind just being ignored while I do bath and bed and everything else. I don’t think a quick ‘really sorry - snowed under here, are you okay’ is asking much.

And seriously if you don’t understand my post, can you just not comment? Because I don’t have time to explain over and over again to those who understand full well but pretend not to in order to be disingenuous.

Are you lonely? Mat leave can be a lonely place, especially since Covid.

Could your partner take a lunch break and sit with you? Or make an agreement to finish by a certain time so you can have an evening together? X

No I’m not lonely, I just feel like a slave, but obviously I’m just a lonely sad woman.

And when I am back at work I guess it’s reasonable for me to work all day and then all evening too, right?