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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I told him I had another date and he’s upset

99 replies

Confusedandhot · 19/06/2021 08:56

So a guy I’ve been seeing for a while. Told me he was ready for a relationship. Blah blah blah. We carried on seeing each other. He’s expressed a few times about being jealous T the thought of me being with other men. But always jokingly so I always brushed it off.

I’ve got another date and he asked me to at least be honest with him so I told him. He reacted badly and said “he’s hurt at the thought, he knows in his mind that I’m entitled to find someone who is a better fit for me. He really really likes me, has a lot of love for me, it hurts his heart but he would like to know how it goes as it will change us.”

I told him to be honest I thought we were a dead end because he shut down the idea of a relationship. He said he works on his own timeline, he needs to work on himself because I deserve the best pf him. I can appreciate what he’s saying but he’s really still upset about me going on a date. I told him I’m single so I will, regardless of his feelings.

He’s having me on isn’t he. He doesn’t want me but doesn’t want anyone else to have me

OP posts:
Domoresteps · 19/06/2021 08:58

I can’t work it out. You’ve been ‘seeing him’ for a while and he’s ready for a relationship but now you’re going out with someone else as you see yourself as single?

carlywurly · 19/06/2021 09:00

Do you mean he told you he wasn't ready for a relationship?

You've said he was - it changes the context of the whole thing if that's a typo

Bluntness100 · 19/06/2021 09:00

I don’t understand this either.

Confusedandhot · 19/06/2021 09:00

No he said he’s not ready for a relationship. Seeing as having sex and maybe going for a drink. He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship about 3 months in.

OP posts:
Confusedandhot · 19/06/2021 09:00

Sorry he’s not ready.

OP posts:
carlywurly · 19/06/2021 09:01

Bin him off. He can't have it both ways. He needs to sort his head out. You are doing the right thing keeping options open

Purplewithred · 19/06/2021 09:02

Did he tell you he was ready for a relationship, or wasn’t ready for a relationship?

So he wants you to hang around waiting until he makes his decision? Nah, selfish at best, manipulative and controlling at worst. 🚩

NakedNugget · 19/06/2021 09:03

He sounds self indulged and selfish. It's his loss. Why wouldn't you go on other dates? I wouldn't see him again personally

Bitofachinwag · 19/06/2021 09:03

Isn't having sex and going for a drink a relationship?

Confusedandhot · 19/06/2021 09:03

So sorry guys he said he wasn’t ready. He said he thought we were good and had an amazing few weeks, and he’s not seeing any one else.

So surely if I’m not seeing anyone else, he’s not seeing anyone else. We’re in a relationship?!

OP posts:
EllaBlaire · 19/06/2021 09:04

He wants to have you at his beck and call but not commit to you.

Not sure you need to tell him how your date goes etc, it’s none of his business. Can’t see how any good will come of you telling him about your dating life. All he needs to know is whether or not you want to keep seeing him for casual sex.

Confusedandhot · 19/06/2021 09:06

I won’t lie, we have crossed the boundaries a few times. He told me he loved me, I said it back. But to me it could be so simple without all this fuss.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 19/06/2021 09:07

Hes a waste of your time. He can fuck around deciding when hes ready to settle as much as he likes, but he cant expect everyone else to wait around for him

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/06/2021 09:08

Oh! So he doesn't want a relationship, to commit to anything, but he wants you to stay 'clean and unsullied' just for him?

Dump him. He's a waste of time.

category12 · 19/06/2021 09:09

He's a head fuck.

Go on your date.

Nuggetnugget · 19/06/2021 09:09

I probably wouldn't have sex with someone and start seeing someone else at the same time. It just gets messy. Dump the first man and just be single & free to mingle Grin

Confusedandhot · 19/06/2021 09:10

He said he’s hurt I never considered him. The fact I said yes told him everything he needed to know.

OP posts:
Umberellatheweatha · 19/06/2021 09:10

He sounds nuts op. What a load of bs he is giving you about not being ready for a relationship. It's a relationship, not 5 kids and a mortgage. He is taking the piss.

Sack him off. He cant even do 'just a bit of fun'.

His own timeline?! Umm wtf. He cant work on his own timeline because his own timeline does not suit YOU.

Absolutely bin him off. He is selfish and I'd bet, a head worker out to manipulate you.

Umberellatheweatha · 19/06/2021 09:12

But yeah as pp said, dont start dating someone else whilst still sleeping with someone.

Confusedandhot · 19/06/2021 09:13

This date is through mutual friends so I don’t know him at all. I was just waiting to see how it went. This situation is far messier than it needs to be

OP posts:
Poorlykitten · 19/06/2021 09:14

He’s not ready for a relationship, presumably you are. His loss, you can’t wait around forever. Sounds very much like he wants his cake and eat it. How can he possibly know he’ll be ready in 3 months? Ridiculous.

category12 · 19/06/2021 09:14

Well you could equally counter with "and you saying you didn't want a relationship told me all I needed to know also."

Honestly what a gigantic wanker you found here.

He is trying to fuck with your head. Cut him off. He's a gameplayer and ginormous dildo.

Domoresteps · 19/06/2021 09:15

I’d call it off with him completely now. He’s had his chance and tried to string you along.

Confusedandhot · 19/06/2021 09:15

We spoke for about an hour about this and it left me feeling like I did something wrong. Thank you everyone for validating what I first thought

OP posts:
Glitterb · 19/06/2021 09:17

Don’t put your life on hold for someone who doesn’t know what they want, you will waste months/years on him and then you will end up getting hurt.

End things completely with him, on your timescale and find someone who wants a relationship.

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