I told him I had another date and he’s upset

[Confusedandhot]

So a guy I’ve been seeing for a while. Told me he was ready for a relationship. Blah blah blah. We carried on seeing each other. He’s expressed a few times about being jealous T the thought of me being with other men. But always jokingly so I always brushed it off.

I’ve got another date and he asked me to at least be honest with him so I told him. He reacted badly and said “he’s hurt at the thought, he knows in his mind that I’m entitled to find someone who is a better fit for me. He really really likes me, has a lot of love for me, it hurts his heart but he would like to know how it goes as it will change us.”

I told him to be honest I thought we were a dead end because he shut down the idea of a relationship. He said he works on his own timeline, he needs to work on himself because I deserve the best pf him. I can appreciate what he’s saying but he’s really still upset about me going on a date. I told him I’m single so I will, regardless of his feelings.

He’s having me on isn’t he. He doesn’t want me but doesn’t want anyone else to have me

Go on your other date and ignore this guy and his crying over his bruised ego.

You’re absolutely right that he wants you to want him but isn’t prepared to put anything into an actual relationship with you. All this guff about going slow etc was supposed to have you fucking him and working to ‘earn’ some kind of relationship from him which he could then decide to bestow on you or not. All on his own terms of course!

You weren’t supposed to say ‘oh ok then’ and look elsewhere, you were supposed to be played by him. And now you’re not, he’s in a huff. What. A. Prick.

He said he’s hurt I never considered him. The fact I said yes told him everything he needed to know. This is designed to make you think ‘oh, maybe he might want a relationship with me at some point if I bin this other bloke off’. So you cancel your date and he then tells you that he told you he wasn’t ready for a relationship, it was all in your head, and he might have wanted one in the future if only you hadn’t said yes to a date with the other bloke. It’s classic headfuckery and its sole purpose is to keep you hanging about, having sex with him until he meets someone he does want to have a relationship with.

If he loved you, wild horses wouldn’t be able to drag him away from you. What he loves is having his cake and eating it. He deserves to be fucked right off for having so little respect for you that he thinks you’re too stupid to see through him.

He's a liar as well as a twunt, because if he doesn't want a relationship with you, he certainly doesn't love you. Hope you have a lovely date, you might then find it effortless to dump him, which is what he deserves - did I say dump, oh, but you can't dump someone you're not seeing really, so just blocking will suffice, he'll get the message then.

He really is an entitled one.
Wants to keep his options open but you're not supposed to.

You're single and can date anyone you want.
You were honest with him.

Date a lot and enjoy finding a good serious partner.

He's telling you he doesn't want a relationship. Listen. Enjoy date!

Good for you! I seriously wish more women were like this!!

Despite effectively acting like he's in a relationship with you, he's repeatedly said he doesn't see it as you two are in a relationship. He sounds very emotionally immature or that he has issues around relationships, either of which are his problem not yours. He's unwilling to give you the basic commitment of saying that you are in a relationship, ergo, you are single and free to date. I'd keep shagging him if it suits you to have a shag buddy, and not if it doesn't. I'd certainly not give him my time to listen his woe is me stories about it though, and I'd outright laugh in his face and carry on making myself look fabulous for my date at the "you won't change me!" comments. You're not trying to change him. You're going about your life as you see fit as a single woman, and if he feels "gutted" that you're going out on a date then cry me a river, it's nothing more or less than natural consequences.

What a twat! So he doesn’t want to commit to you, but still wants you to commit to him and not see anyone else?! Sod that, he doesn’t get the perks of a relationship when he’s made it clear he doesn’t want one.

I actually think it’s healthy to date a few people at the same time when online dating, so I really don’t agree with those who think it’s understandable that he’s upset. He’s just manipulative.

Hi, sorry for the late update i was planning to do it before my date but I seem to take forever getting ready now...
Anyway the date was nice enough, I probably wouldn’t see him again. As for that knob, it’s opened my eyes enough that for him it’s a dead end. I’m hanging on for the wrong reasons. He asked how my date was, I just replied saying it’s none of his business and I think we’re done here.
Then he sent me messages saying how I had chosen this guy over him! You can’t make it up. I just didn’t reply.

Why haven't you blocked him?

@Confusedandhot

Hi, sorry for the late update i was planning to do it before my date but I seem to take forever getting ready now... Anyway the date was nice enough, I probably wouldn’t see him again. As for that knob, it’s opened my eyes enough that for him it’s a dead end. I’m hanging on for the wrong reasons. He asked how my date was, I just replied saying it’s none of his business and I think we’re done here. Then he sent me messages saying how I had chosen this guy over him! You can’t make it up. I just didn’t reply.

Well done!! 🙌🏼

I'd actually text him once more saying "The date was okay, probably won't be seeing him again. However it's opened my eyes to how you treat me. You're unwilling to commit to a relationship yet attempt to make me feel guilty for going on a date with someone else. I'm not wasting any more time on a situation involving mind games and manipulation and that's the reason why it's over"

Then BLOCK him!!

I just replied saying it’s none of his business and I think we’re done here
Then he sent me messages saying how I had chosen this guy over him! You can’t make it up. I just didn’t reply

Haha! His poor little ego 😂 I would have been tempted to tell him his sudden clingy insecurity is a real turn off in a fuck buddy, so you’ll be ending that arrangement with him.

Block him. Then free yourself up to meet someone lovely and decent.

Urgh, have no further contact with the loser.

Great update OP. Sounds like you had a decent time despite no connection.

Had to laugh at how childish your ex behaved.
He has no one to blame but himself.
Block Delete

@Confusedandhot

No he said he’s not ready for a relationship. Seeing as having sex and maybe going for a drink. He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship about 3 months in.

So you're supposed to wait until he's "ready" but not see anyone else in the meantime? He really wants to have his cake and eat it, doesn't he?

Haha @naunets message about clingyness would be the biggest irony ever because that's totally how he would have ended things with you down the line. I'd be so tempted!

But tbh, just ignoring might be the best bet. Silence speaks volumes.

Don't be surprised if shows up at your house demanding some sort of 'explanation'. Or maybe puts a rambling letter through your door or some shit (he seems the type). Just block and ignore and...dont answer the door! xD

@SleepingStandingUp

So you've told each other you love each other but you're dating and potentially having sex with other men. I'm not surprised he's upset tbh.

Doesn't sound like he's up for something open and even if he doesn't want to label it, he wants to be exclusive. You don't, that's ok, but I'd break it off with him if he's going to get upset you're dating other men and you want to date other men.

This.

Even if he was too unconfident etc to say he was ready (a lot of men find it hard to be up front/open when it's their feelings), he was I'd he said he loved you, said was exclusive etc.

I think you've taken him too literally at his earlier word of nog being ready. And also maybe he didn't want to label it, just to give it a bit more time, with no pressure.

I don't think he's a head fuck. I think he's dismayed that you're less serious about it than him. And that his lack of explicit labelling has meant you've written him off, despite life sex and exclusivity.

If you do love him and do want to go further then call off the date and say sorry.

Yeah but @jozipozi31

I get where you are coming from but...you don't keep sleeping with someone and then say you don't want a relationship with them whilst in the same breath telling them you love them. That's major headfucking.

A decent man would have walked away rather than hanging about screwing op and screwing with her head. Either if he developed feelings or if he knew she had feelings for him.

How much time was she supposed to give him to decide he wanted to be her partner? Especially considering he was telling her - 'I don't want a relationship'. Not 'I dont want a relationship right now'.

Its not a womans job to wait about on some arsehole to stop being an arsehole.

Bloody hell why are things so complicated these days? If you're going on dates with someone and sleeping with them, you're in a relationship whatever you like to call it. It might not be an exclusive one, but it's a relationship.

You may technically be in a ‘ relationship’ but that’s clearly not the kind of relationship the OP is after…

@prettyvisitor I'm 52 and when I first started dating things were a lot clearer...or at least they were for me. If I was seeing someone and having sex regularly I assumed we were exclusive and in a relationship, and therefore neither of us were looking for it with anyone else.

Doesn't seem to be the case nowadays. I feel very old.

@Naunet
This message about him being clingy is perfect for a head fxxk.

Definitely send it and move on.

"Actually, I've chosen my self worth over you."

Stop wasting your time with this user and block him, ffs.