I told him I had another date and he’s upset

[Confusedandhot]

So a guy I’ve been seeing for a while. Told me he was ready for a relationship. Blah blah blah. We carried on seeing each other. He’s expressed a few times about being jealous T the thought of me being with other men. But always jokingly so I always brushed it off.

I’ve got another date and he asked me to at least be honest with him so I told him. He reacted badly and said “he’s hurt at the thought, he knows in his mind that I’m entitled to find someone who is a better fit for me. He really really likes me, has a lot of love for me, it hurts his heart but he would like to know how it goes as it will change us.”

I told him to be honest I thought we were a dead end because he shut down the idea of a relationship. He said he works on his own timeline, he needs to work on himself because I deserve the best pf him. I can appreciate what he’s saying but he’s really still upset about me going on a date. I told him I’m single so I will, regardless of his feelings.

He’s having me on isn’t he. He doesn’t want me but doesn’t want anyone else to have me

@DENNYCRANE

He’s expressed a few times about being jealous T the thought of me being with other men

To be fair, it should have been bloody obvious that this one was trouble.

Your wanker-radar needs recalibrating.

Yep.

Been here, for longer than you and it boils down to one thing IMO.. he just wants sex end of.. feelings or no feelings involved, it boils down to that… don’t drag this out.. go and find someone who can give you everything you want.. he’s wasting your time!

Or he's one of these men who makes it a mission to mess with women's heads and break down their self-esteem so that they will tolerate any old shite. Perfect for ego boosts and emotionally abusive relationships down the line.

"I'm not ready for a relationship but I want to keep shagging you" is setting a fucking low bar. The crap you tolerate at the beginning is what you get stuck with.

Have decent standards from the start.

If he doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't get to get the arse if you date someone else.

I bet were he to go off with someone on a date or ONS he would turn around and say "but we're not in a relationship!" like lightning. It's only because she's showing signs of independence and taking him at his word, that he's kicking off and pretending he's the wounded party.

Good for you going on dates and not getting strung along by mr manipulative all about meeeee twattery

Jesus, its like he read abusers 101 about love bombing and how to snare a woman that you can control forever and got every instruction totally mangled.

Keeping you at arms length with 'just sex' and refusing a relationship
Saying he loves you after a few weeks
Getting offended you went along with the no relationship thing, sending mixed signals

He really thinks he's a catch doesn't he? I mean, why WOULDNT you fall madly in love whilst just accepting the crumbs he throws you cos he 'works on his own timeline'

'Well, I work on my own timeline too, I'm looking for a relationship but I'm happy to take the sex from you in the meantime'

What an absolute arsehole he is 😂 Perhaps he can buy you one of those chastity devices so no one can access your fanjo. Except him. If he feels like it.

Catch yourself on, OP 💙

I told him just having sex then blurring the lines makes me feel crap. Nothing changed so I know for a fact he’s not serious about me. I know when men are they won’t leave room for things like this to happen. He even said you think this man is a better prospect than me. Yes if he wants a relationship. Yes he bloody is

So stop having sex with him and tell him to get gone.

I assume this wonderful babe magnet thought that it was going to be HIM having all the extra dates, while you pined and waited for him to (never) be ready.

He sounds like a mind fuck. seriously. You are either exclusive/in a relationship or you are FWB/fuckbuddies/keeping it casual.

You cant have one person keeping it casual, whilst the other is supposed to be exclusive. It doesnt work that way. You both need to be on the same page, and he doesnt sound as if he knows whether to shit or get off the pot

You were correct in your last paragraph

He doesn't want you, but doesn't want anyone else to have you

Bin the selfish fucker and don't waste anymore time on him

@Confusedandhot

I told him just having sex then blurring the lines makes me feel crap. Nothing changed so I know for a fact he’s not serious about me. I know when men are they won’t leave room for things like this to happen. He even said you think this man is a better prospect than me. Yes if he wants a relationship. Yes he bloody is

LOL.....someone's ego has been severely bruised and he's doing a pouty face. You should absolutely say a very serious, stone certain 'yes' next time he asks that. Maybe he was expecting you to fawn all over him, sympathise and stoke his hair cough ego.

You need to decide what you want, he has told you where he is at, so now you can take control of the situation. It sounds like a very complicated friends with benefits situation with the odd pub trip thrown in. Do whats right for you.

Nah. Seems like a headache already. He clearly wants it all his way. “His own timeline” hmm that’s super convenient and doesn’t take you into account

He just wants you for sex and that's it. Bin him off and enjoy your date. Hopefully thus one is a lot more decent.

@Confusedandhot

So sorry guys he said he wasn’t ready. He said he thought we were good and had an amazing few weeks, and he’s not seeing any one else.

So surely if I’m not seeing anyone else, he’s not seeing anyone else. We’re in a relationship?!

umm no.....

He even said you think this man is a better prospect than me.

But he ruled himself out as a prospect as he’s not ready for a relationship!!!

I’d be saying something like “look A, I enjoy seeing you and having a quick shag, but you don’t want a relationship. I do want a relationship, so I’m dating”

I had one of these - didn’t want to be with me but didn’t want me to potentially find someone better (therefore bin him off!) either. Wasted my time for over a year. Don’t be like me… sack him immediately. He’ll never be ‘ready’ and you’ll have let many potentially decent people pass you by.

A better prospect? No, an ACTUAL prospect.

He is not a prospect as he has said he doesn't want a relationship.

Honestly it's just such entitlement he has. Like you're just expected to commit to him without him committing to you. What a wanker.

I agree with most of what's already been said. Just to add, be wary if he suddenly offers you a relationship knowing you're looking elsewhere. He has already made himself clear and even if he does nominally change his mind to keep you around, he has already said he's not looking for a real relationship and will probably mess you about over progressing, say for instance to moving in, kids etc. I think this is a case of taking him at his word.

@category12

Thank you. I misunderstood the original scenario.

I had this with a guy I was seeing (and having sex with) for a year. He was adamant I wasn't his girlfriend, that if either of us met someone nearer (LDR) or that we wanted to have a proper relationship with we were free to...until I actually did!

Suddenly he loved me, he wanted us to be together properly...he even asked me if I'd consider moving to his city! I was pretty angry and insulted, to be honest. I told him it was too little, too late and he only wanted me because someone else did. Dumped him and I've been with the other person ever since. That was nearly 12 years ago.

Oh and the original guy became a real fucking pest for a good 4 months afterwards...texts, emails telling me how he was a better bet than my new partner (vaguely knew each other). Any potential remaining friendship was permanently ruined.

He's lazy, a user, entitled and a hot mess.

Dear lord. Why haven’t you binned him off already?!

He sounds like an idiot, OP, why are you still seeing him?