Not really sure where to start.
A week ago I found out my husband had subscribed to a women we know on only fans. I was so upset, I’m usually quite an angry feisty person but instead I was just upset and in disbelief - I actually laughed about it at one point.
Husband came home from work and we spoke about it, we haven’t argued but he was so embarrassed and was using my social media to access hers. I told him he has cheated on me. He said he had only paid for the subscription once and he has been addicted to porn so at the time couldn’t see anything wrong with it.
When we were discussing it he was so embarrassed he said he could clearly see what he had done wrong. We went to sleep that night not really speaking as I was upset that he’d paid and made an account.
The next morning I said I want to go through his bank statements to confirm he hasn’t done anything else. He agreed, was sat on his phone in bed. Came downstairs after 10 mins and confessed he’d paid for a ticket show of a cam girl. He was then upset as he thought our relationship was over.
When I got home from work I looked through the bank statements and in the last 5 years of our 10+ year relationship/marriage, there was only one payment to a cam girl (last year) and another subscription to an only fans page (Feb) only one month payment.
We were talking about everything and he’s since admitted to watching shemale porn and gay porn. He says this happened a couple of years ago when he was curious but that he hasn’t done that recently. He’s only told me in the interests of being open and honest about everything. He’s since told me he’s straight and he has not looked at any sort of porn since I’ve found out, his priority is me and kids (we have 2).
The problem is part of me is worried about trusting him with porn use, he says he feels it’s an addiction where he can’t watch it at all because the obsession for him gets out of hand. I also worry that maybe he’s secretly gay or bi, I’ve told him that if he’s honest I wouldn’t kick him out the house or anything. But he’s adamant he’s straight. But he consistently watched gay and shemale porn for at least a good year or 2.
I guess I’m just feeling a little lost and need some advise. We’ve always had good sex, up until the last month before I found out which is what made me suspicious. I have cried and told him how much it hurt that he chose porn over me in the last month. But he hasn’t watched it in and week and is now waking up with morning wood again - something that hasn’t happened in years. I just don’t know what to make of it all.