Who makes the "big decisions" in your house?

[ohsodit]

Curious after a convo with dh last night

Apparently I do

This means for eg that

• I am the one who spends hours (days even!) trawling the internet for a house to rent for the summer (only for him to say "that's no good I don't like the pool" or "oh that one looks like it's near a road I don't want it) so I keep searching til I find something we both agree on

so - JOINT DECISION with me doing all the work

• I am the one who spends hours trawling the internet for a new mortgage deal every 2 or 3 years - he has NO interest in this sort of thing - I find the best 3 options and present them to him and we agree on one

so - JOINT DECISION with me doing all the work

I could carry on....

but I can't be bothered

So do I just let him do it? And treat him how he treats me (reject all holidays, have minimal interest in mortgage). He is not the type to spend ages comparing all the options I know.

What do you do?

Oh and he never goes off and finds suggestions of his own!

are you married to my h?

actually i do make the big decisions - but because h has no interest. drives me bonkers, feels like he is a complete passenger

Well mine is saying that I make him feel like a passenger

If he got off his arse and organised it fine
but he won't
He will leave it til all nice houses gone

bk do you think it is because we are both bossy though?

(am namechanger!)

me

I do all the research as you have said

maybe it is a woman thing and we are better at action then waffling on discussing things

although I am a control freak and would take over if he tried to do it so I suppose he can't win

I mean do we take over and so they feel that they can't do it? Do they feel emasculated?

I do feel that if they do they could just come up with suggestions of their own

I sort the mortgage,all banking,insurance etc etc. He wouldn't know where to start. I make most of the decisions but he's def not under the thumb! As i'm a sahm i take the day to day running off our home,money etc as my responsibilities. If he were under the thumb (as people like to think) i'd be pregnant with no.5 now!

yes I am control freak too

No mine is not under the thumb at all I don't think it;s that I think he feels like a spare part sometimes

In dh defence,he is very dyslexic so it isn't exactly easy for him.

I can feel a control freak thread coming on

Mine often says that i shouldn't bother asking his opinion as i'll do what i want anyway. But then,why shouldn't i sometimes? It's my life too! For example he didn't want a kitten,i did. I got 1. I want another baby,he doesn't. We're not having one.

I did wonder if you were ohsodit after the Corsican thread bk
I do all the holidays - but dh is easy to please, so we don't have this irritating to and fro-ing
We do in fact do financial stuff jointly, but for me the big Passenger Issue is the fact that despite the fact that we both WOTH full-time, I am the one who puts all the brain-wattage into managing the family diary and logistics. In fairness, dh will readily drive people where he's told, do shopping (if told to) and is 50/50 in a lot of helpful ways. But I do get really tired of "what's happening tomorrow" again and again. RTFWP! (read the f*king wallplanner I spend quite a bit of my "free" time updating and organising...) It makes me feel like a single parent with a teen and two younger ones in my bleaker moments

YET

Oh this is interesting. I do the same (ie trawl for holidays/insurance deals etc) and then get told that we always do what I want

I think he'd like to do more but that whole doing more than one thing at once gets too much. That sounds a bit patronising, but I am generally quicker at getting stuff done.

Erk, bossy and controlling of course I'm not

yes i am rather a bossy control freak, tis true.

but i think dh wouldn't do this stuff if i didn't. he wants to have his cake and eat it too - i.e. not have to do the hard work, but still have a pop at me for being bossy if he feels like it. it's just an excuse imo.

Me, i don't think dp would knwo where to start & it would take him forever.

Dp would also say i am the bossy control freak but to be honest i just want things to get done around here & know waiting for him would be waiting forever.

Do you think women are naturally more bossy and controlling and men are anything for an easy life then (terrible generalisation I know).

Also apparently I have "very high standards" (ie I expect him to split the housework (the cleaner does most of it), not to lie to me, to pull his weight generally)

I fell that this is normal

And I do feel if he wanted a doormat maybe he should ahve married one

yes i've got "kevin the teenager" at the moment.

Same as Marina. DP v easy going and will usually agree with my ideas/ choices. But lack of nput into family logistics drives me demented (as does 'I've emptied the dryer FOR YOU').

good point re having your cake and eating it BK

I am a bossy control freak too

omigod. dh has a clone and ohsodit is married to him

yes my standards are also "too high" - e.g. after dh has wiped the worktops i expect not to be able to write " clean me" in the smears he has left behind