Who makes the "big decisions" in your house?

[ohsodit]

Curious after a convo with dh last night

Apparently I do

This means for eg that

• I am the one who spends hours (days even!) trawling the internet for a house to rent for the summer (only for him to say "that's no good I don't like the pool" or "oh that one looks like it's near a road I don't want it) so I keep searching til I find something we both agree on

so - JOINT DECISION with me doing all the work

• I am the one who spends hours trawling the internet for a new mortgage deal every 2 or 3 years - he has NO interest in this sort of thing - I find the best 3 options and present them to him and we agree on one

so - JOINT DECISION with me doing all the work

I could carry on....

but I can't be bothered

So do I just let him do it? And treat him how he treats me (reject all holidays, have minimal interest in mortgage). He is not the type to spend ages comparing all the options I know.

What do you do?

LOL puddle. "Look, I've done some ironing"

you see my standards are NOT high in many areas

I don't care if the house is messy (he does)
I don't mind some clutter (he does)
I don't care if he leaves his wet towel on the floor I'll pick it up if I happen to see it.

etc

I am NOT controlling in many ways I feel

He is feeling emasculated I think

Big Wup for the ironing Marina.

Why don't you let him sort the holiday out then ohsodit? Would you worry it would never get booked (DP wold never get round to it in our house).

Tut, bk. Filthy worktops were good enough for Elizabeth David, don't be so suburban

I do a bit
I know how hard it is and how much you have to search to find the right place

or maybe it is just that I am always searching for perfection (more control freakery)

argh

My dp is very easy going too, sometimes though it can be annoying because he is to easy going, but saying that maybe it is good & the balance works for us..

i couldn't give a flying monkey's fart what elizabeth david's worktops were like - mine shall be clean, clean i say!

Puddle, I conducted an experiment during a particular bout of inertia from dh during a happy family holiday a couple of years ago.

I sat on the sofa after breakfast and waited to see what happened next. No maps, no guidebooks, no picnic. It nearly killed me.

We were still there three hours later

We drank a lot of fecking tea though, dh is very good at proactive tea-drinking

phew. they are not actually the same man.

dh doesn't notice mess. at all.
dh's attitude to clutter is - what clutter.
leaves wet towel on the bed.

Well I always felt the balance was good

I like researching things and am good at it

He doesn't he would rather be on footie sites if he is on the computer

I just think if he has expressed unhappiness at the situation I have to try and do something about it but I do feel he is guilty of BK's having cake and eating thing

yes, marina, if i didn't book the holiday (or whatever) it simply wouldn't happen. i have been waiting nearly 8 months for dh to get the dents in the car fixed in fact if dh suggests something i don't want to do, i simply say, "yes, dear, why don't you sort that out" nice as pie, knowing that it will simply never happen.

Yes that is fine for dents in the car

but not holidays

I don't want to end up in some dump

oi, it it not fine! but i take your point exactly, i am in the same boat re hols atm.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh don't set me off on running of the house and the FOR YOU thing

arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

dh asked me why I was in a bad mood last night - I was slamming things about a tad too hard

and I said "WELL, whilst you have been on Youtube/crap sites, I have filled in forms for dd2, sorted out dd1's book bag, put recyling by door, got numbers for Oz visa stuff etc etc etc"

he said "well in a minute I am going to do the packed lunches FOR YOU and do the kitchen FOR YOU"

FOR ME???

Bk, we are squeezing out two holidays next year. I said to dh if he wanted to go to Devon, he could book it. I have already arranged France including ferry crossings, for August.
Devon...guess what!

ah yes, the FOR YOU thing...

actually, dh doesn't do this much.

now

right I have just taken this control freak quiz

it says

Generally, you are in control but not a control freak. You life is usually in order.
However, sometimes you get too obsessed with making everything in your life picture perfect.

I think that is right actually

lol, marina, all the nice places will have gone!

Damn

or he will mop the floor and stand about holding the mop

so I ignore him

and he says "I have mopped"

like do you want applause?

I also have done the Marina experiment but with making breakfast at the weekend

have sat with paper and waited

and waited
and waited

then got up in a huff whilst the girls moan of hunger at 10am

i am only 36% control freak according to that quiz!

"You have achieved the perfect balance of control and letting go.
You tend to roll with whatever life brings, but you never get complacent."

Me

dh is one of lifes plodders so he just does what I tell him

Its a pain having to organise everything but I am better at it for instance sorting out mortgage,finding a new house,organising new work on said house....

dh just bobs along and when I spend ages organising something for eg something for house that I and everyone else thinks is stunning his standard response?

'Its alright'

Hes great at following instructions and working v hard on said house but wont get involved in any decsion making he just says ask the wife

Hmm - interesting question - was thinking of posting something similar recently.

Our decision-making depends very much on WHAT it is, so some regular ones are:

ME

• annual ski holiday ('cos I worry about childcare, ski school, suitability of slopes, transfers etc etc)
• anything to do with kids/ school/ education/ holiday clubs/

DH

• summer holiday - DH is much better at booking cars/ flights/ villas etc
• homeimprovements - he tends to make the first suggestion that something 'needs doing' and then I argue that something else is more important (despite never having mentioned it previously )
• new car

BOTH

• investments, wills etc

somethings NEITHER of us ever seems to get round to making decisions on:

• buying new furniture (e.g. our dining room table is 18 years old, from IKEA and awful!)
• redesigning the garden
• buying pictures/household 'accessories'
• throwing stuff out

i have found a gorgeous gite in the pas de calais for your easter break if you're interested.

dh has ruled out pas de calais - too boring. although it is 100% more exciting than his suggestion of .... nowhere.