The 'Mr entitled atheist extremist' dates

[Umberellatheweatha]

I've been noticing that often the guys I go on a date with seem to take an issue with me not being an atheist and decide its their duty to 'educate' me otherwise.

I should say that I consider myself agnostic. Well, christian really but more in just a spiritual sense. Haven't been to a church in years. So it's not like I'm little miss religious or anything (nor do I feel the need to harp on about my beliefs or convert anyone lol).

But we will be chatting and I love horror movies and ghost stuff so at some point into dating the talk may loosely go towards what our beliefs are. And I'd say basically what I've said in the paragraph above. And with some of them its like you can just see something click in them where they decide its their job to educate you otherwise.

Not that they are all necessarily trying straight of the bat to tell me I'm mental for believing something they don't (though I've met one or two). Its usually a bit more subtle.

Sometimes its just really obvious and arrogant. But sometimes it creeps up over a few dates or even once you are in a relationship as if it's become their personal mission to dissuade you from belief.

I guess its male entitlement? But it makes me think about how ive never had a guy try to convince me to believe in their faith ect but a fair few men try to convince me to give up my beliefs.

Anyway, I've just panned one after a first date there because he was giving me that uneasy feeling he was going that way.

I guess it's a good test to spot entitled wankers early on. But it's still super annoying.

Anyone else had similar experience from dating? (Or partners?) Like they take offense at you believing something they dont...

Do you mean you seem to be meeting lots of men who are trying to talk you into Christianity? Are you in the UK?

@Palavah

Do you mean you seem to be meeting lots of men who are trying to talk you into Christianity? Are you in the UK?

No. I mean they are trying to talk me into not believing in anything.

Basically telling me I'm wrong to have faith.

Yes I know what you mean OP. Smug and superior for being Atheist, and anyone who is remotely open-minded about spirituality is a silly fool. At least they are showing their true colours at the beginning I suppose!

Exactly twilightskies!

I actually had one guy say once 'but what about science?'. As if I couldn't believe in science and be spiritual at the same time lol. *Facepalm

I've had it in reverse - with my husband. STBXH I should add. I was brought up Catholic but became an atheist very, very young. I simply couldn't believe it. Even though there have been times when I'd prefer to be religious as I believe it brings comfort in times of strife, it seems I'm just programmed to be an atheist! He was also brought up Catholic (practically everyone was in Ireland in the 1980's) and even though he never goes to mass, never prays, doesn't necessarily "believe" in the scriptures/god at all, he still takes issue with my atheism and tries to tell me I'm "wrong". It's bizarre and caused issues when our DCs were born and I wouldn't have them christened. I think he hated that I was "going against the grain" so to speak and wanted to put me in my place. Part of a wider issue with his general misogynistic, male-entitlement ways.

There are many hardcore atheists in some groups I'm in who are really quite disdainful about people's religious beliefs and gleefully mock them. It's horrible and so intolerant, so I'm not surprised you've encountered this. There's the assumption that anyone with spiritual beliefs is an idiot which is obviously not the case! At least you appear to be attuned to it and can quickly pick these types out and get rid!

@TwilightSkies

Yes I know what you mean OP. Smug and superior for being Atheist, and anyone who is remotely open-minded about spirituality is a silly fool. At least they are showing their true colours at the beginning I suppose!

This. I often find with atheists they are patronising and mocking. Not always, but usually, in my experience anyway.

Don’t think this is necessarily a male thing.

Have you clearly stated that you don’t wish to discuss / debate your personal religious beliefs? (If they’re otherwise good company etc - obviously if they’re generally annoying wouldn’t bother!)

Being religious or agnostic doesn’t necessarily indicate that one is more ‘open minded’ than atheists. atheism doesn’t mean one is more likely to be rude to others about their beliefs.

I’m an atheist, but wouldn’t. I’ve never dated anyone practicing religion.

@dozer

I have no problem discussing my beliefs though. I believe in something so it's part of my life and its bound to come up at various points in life.

But theres a difference between 'I believe this' and 'I believe this so you should to and if you dont you are wrong/crazy'.

I find that quite strange as I've been on ALOT of dates (not had much success) but religion has never even been something we've discussed much.

For me it usually comes into conversation a good few dates in when I feel comfortable talking more about my DS. I tend to date guys with kids (my personal preference) and they often end up being a similar age to my DS. If they're local we usually end up chatting about schools etc in case they know each other (obviously wouldn't be sharing this info on the 1st date or 2). Anyway my DS goes to a catholic school as my exH is catholic so when I mention this it often starts a conversation about religion. It's usually a 10min light hearted chat then we move on. Nobody has ever tried to change my mind or comment negatively on my religion, even if they have a different view.

Is it maybe the type of guys you go for or the area you lie.

I know those guys. They often say they're feminist as well.

Totally agree - I have no issue with peoples faith or non faith but it seems to be entitled men, who not only explain their views and reasons, but actively dismiss folk who have faith as stupid. Personally I just don’t know, but I can understand most views, what I really dislike is the intolerance of these atheists and inability to perceive others are entitled to have faith, alongside continuing reference to it all. I spoke to one guy who actually searches out faith sites that he deems particularly stupid just to point out the error of their ways 🙈 They also often blame people of faith as not only stupid but actively and personally causing anything that is claimed to be religiously driven - to me those issues are separate to average Jane believer and often directly in contravention of the actual faith being followed. I never came across a female doing this, now I think about it, so maybe it’s part of the male ego bolstering itself. I do think it’s indicative of other less than great behaviour- arrogance, entitlement - so best to bin quickly when it arises.

This. I often find with atheists they are patronising and mocking. Not always, but usually, in my experience anyway.

You’re making a sweeping statement about half of the U.K. population there.

I think, on a personal level, I can't really cope with any kind of religious belief. But I would defend someone's right to believe in whatever they want and to do it freely. I wouldn't be able to date someone who held any kind of religious belief though. I know that's quite arrogant. I just couldn't cope with it. I suppose sex, politics, and religion are the topics we should be encouraged to talk about on dates. I wouldn't waste my time trying to convince someone to think like me, but I'd know that I wouldn't be able to get on with a meat-eating Catholic Tory who was into S&M. There'd be someone much better for them out there. My boyfriend is (a little) into astrology. It's fine as long as he doesn't talk about it. When he does, I get cross about it. I don't want to be told the reason I don't believe in astrology is because I'm Virgo ascending. I just don't. And I don't want him spouting that shit in front of my kid. If that makes me close-minded, I can live with that.

I used to find this years ago while dating. I was raised Catholic but not practising , I'm quite spiritual though and the amount of dates I've been on where I've basically been ridiculed for my spirituality is quite maddening. So when I met my current dp I was quite upfront that I was spiritual and that if he didn't believe in that , that was OK, but I expected him to respect my beliefs as I'd respect his non belief and its worked out fairly OK for us.

@TwilightSkies

Yes I know what you mean OP. Smug and superior for being Atheist, and anyone who is remotely open-minded about spirituality is a silly fool. At least they are showing their true colours at the beginning I suppose!

True colours being what exactly?

Sorry but there's no way I could go out with someone who genuinely believed that there was a magic sky man judging our every move.

Religion was something to 'explain' things before we were able to use science to do so. It has no place here anymore.

@4PawsGood

This. I often find with atheists they are patronising and mocking. Not always, but usually, in my experience anyway.

You’re making a sweeping statement about half of the U.K. population there.

Think a lot of those people will be agnostic/unassigned rather than straight up atheists?

But I think there are plenty of atheists who, just are.

And then there the ones that could narrate a book about it over your starter course lol.

Though I'm sure there are the same sorts from religious groups too of course. I think theres just less of those in the UK these days. At least, in the young male population.

True colours being what exactly?
Entitled. Dismissive. Rude. Condescending.

I'm not sure this is a male issue. I know so few British people who have a faith these days that I am always surprised to find one who does.

I know the type, my ExH was one. Read one Richard Dawkins book and feels the need to go round berating anyone who thinks differently. On and on about it. I’d run a mile from anyone who starts that conversation.

I always find it ironic how these types go on about how bigoted and intolerant religious people are whilst shouting down anyone who doesn’t think their way.

Be interesting to see what the census comes back with, but many studies have quotes around half as ‘having no religion’. I don’t read that as ‘unassigned’.

Eg
“UK secularism on rise as more than half say they have no religion”
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2019/jul/11/uk-secularism-on-rise-as-more-than-half-say-they-have-no-religion

Don’t think it’s a male thing particularly, a lot of atheists can be like this. If they are in their 20s it wouldn’t bother me especially as it’s an extreme age - but atheist extreme Ian would be a red flag for anyone older, like any other kind of extremism.

I think women are uaually just more tactful when they believe something different to you.

I did have a girl 'friend' who was very outspoken about being atheist in college though. The kind that absolutely looked down on anyone with beliefs. And was vocal about it. But she was a big old cluster b personality so... entitlement...y'know.

I wouldn’t date anyone religious and would find this out through messaging before meeting. I’d be peeved if they turned out to be religious and I hadn’t realised.

@Umberellatheweatha

I think women are uaually just more tactful when they believe something different to you.

I did have a girl 'friend' who was very outspoken about being atheist in college though. The kind that absolutely looked down on anyone with beliefs. And was vocal about it. But she was a big old cluster b personality so... entitlement...y'know.

If she had a personality disorder, then I’m not sure she’s really relevant to your argument.