The 'Mr entitled atheist extremist' dates

[Umberellatheweatha]

I've been noticing that often the guys I go on a date with seem to take an issue with me not being an atheist and decide its their duty to 'educate' me otherwise.

I should say that I consider myself agnostic. Well, christian really but more in just a spiritual sense. Haven't been to a church in years. So it's not like I'm little miss religious or anything (nor do I feel the need to harp on about my beliefs or convert anyone lol).

But we will be chatting and I love horror movies and ghost stuff so at some point into dating the talk may loosely go towards what our beliefs are. And I'd say basically what I've said in the paragraph above. And with some of them its like you can just see something click in them where they decide its their job to educate you otherwise.

Not that they are all necessarily trying straight of the bat to tell me I'm mental for believing something they don't (though I've met one or two). Its usually a bit more subtle.

Sometimes its just really obvious and arrogant. But sometimes it creeps up over a few dates or even once you are in a relationship as if it's become their personal mission to dissuade you from belief.

I guess its male entitlement? But it makes me think about how ive never had a guy try to convince me to believe in their faith ect but a fair few men try to convince me to give up my beliefs.

Anyway, I've just panned one after a first date there because he was giving me that uneasy feeling he was going that way.

I guess it's a good test to spot entitled wankers early on. But it's still super annoying.

Anyone else had similar experience from dating? (Or partners?) Like they take offense at you believing something they dont...

@4PawsGood

You could believe in the possibility of something and yet not be religious though.

Think that article says 1 in 4 dont believe in god. So that's 25% I guess. Though some of that 25% may still have other spiritual beliefs such as karma ect too tbh.

I'd actually argue that although religion has declined, most people believe in the possibility of something outwith themselves as opposed to staunch non belief in even the possibility of anything.

But it would be interesting if there was more in depth studies about agnostic vs atheist percentages.

I think it's more a man thing than an atheist thing, but there are zealots in every belief system.

Personally as an atheist I've had a fair amount of hassle from believers about my lack of belief - from people on the street literally shoving their leaflets of me to people telling me atheists don't exist. It's annoying. Which is why I don't go around trying to convert people to atheism - it's rude and disrespectful.

I have friends across the entire religious spectrum; our differences in faith or lack thereof are just not an issue.

@pointythings

Haha, that they dont exist? Well you're posting here so you must exist lol. Hello pointythings *waves

I hope you pretended to be fading away into invisibility when they told you atheists weren't real!

I don’t care what precise percentage it is, I was questioning the statement below, which was made about a large proportion of the U.K. population.

“This. I often find with atheists they are patronising and mocking. Not always, but usually, in my experience anyway.”

@4pawsgood

Well, that's the posters personal experience so she is entitled to it.

I think tbf she has probably met the same assholes I have so I can see why she might feel that way. Though I agree it's not really generalsable to half the UK lol. As I'm sure she would.

I think often it's the worst of any religion or denomination that people get to see unfortunately. Because the quiet unassuming believers and non believers are pretty much focussed on just going about their day and not being assholes lol.

I've absolutely met atheists I can't stand. The ones who go on about sky fairies and the like. They're just as bad as the believers who shove their faith in your faith. I suppose I should take it as reassuring that assholes exist in all denominations.

When I was told I didn't exist, I asked the idiot who said it to excuse me because I had a foxhole to get into. My DD1 died laughing.

My experience too. I'm from a 'religeous' background but don't try to convert people or even mention it unless asked. Each to their own. I've had interesting conversations with people of other faiths, almost always done respectfully. The only unpleasant comments / disrespectful conversations and views have come from people who are atheist. It seems in many cases their view is that they are right and everyone else is stupid. And the idea that you have to believe in science or religeon is ridiculous and flawed. And only ever comes from atheists. Scientists with a faith are not at all uncommon.

@pointythings lmao would have loved to have seen the look on their faces!

Yeah the ones that go as far as talking about the 'sky faries' ect...I always think that their parents didn't read them stories as children and they have just grown up really bitter about it xD

There’s no possibility that the PP has met lots of atheists who just didn’t mention that they were atheists?

@4PawsGood which is exactly why I said 'I usually find...' and 'in my experience...' clearly limiting that 'sweeping generalisation'. That's my experience throughout my life. I've met a few who aren't patronising but the majority have been. I'm not going to change my experiences to speak for those that aren't like this because the ones I've met have been! And similarly to OP, the mocking ones have nearly always been male.

I'm not so ignorant to claim all atheists are like this because I'm sure there are many who have their beliefs and don't judge those different to them, unfortunately for me the ones I've met haven't been like this.

@4PawsGood

There’s no possibility that the PP has met lots of atheists who just didn’t mention that they were atheists?

This is true also. The vocal ones can be very 'woke' though and feel they need to change the ignorant minds of those who believe in spirituality and God.

@TooBigForMyBoots

True colours being what exactly? Entitled. Dismissive. Rude. Condescending.

It's personality - nothing to do with atheism.

I think if you’re hoping for relationships that result in serious commitments I do beleive you need to clarify that you want someone that believes in god - at least.

There is just so much to go wrong with such mismatch in beliefs when you have kids etc.

It’s just better to marry someone of faith instead and cut it all short.

Or, be ready to have that discussion because it will be a deal breaker when you have kids if someone feels so passionately about something and the Other one feels passionately against it

@DeepThinkingGirl

I'm not looking for anything particularly serious currently. Well, just good company really. And I don't want kids ever. So that makes things easier at least!

It's personality - nothing to do with atheism.
I agree. I think the same about the "no atheist in a foxhole" religious type. They are both entitled, rude, dismissive, condescending and lacking in intelligence, wisdom and tact.

It's best to find this out early doors OP.

It sounds like a really unpleasant kind of date I agree. It’s really disrespectful when someone assumes you’ll change your entire worldview because of something they say over a coffee date. It can go the other way too obviously when a religious or spiritual person is rude to someone how is not. Personally, I couldn’t deal with dating someone religious or spiritual if that spirituality involves any kind of higher power or personification of nature or ´things happen for a reason’ kind of thinking. It would drive me beserk. Mostly because I would feel belittled and ignored every time I tried to express my feelings about whatever is going on in my life. So if a man I was a on a first date with said something about not doing organized religion but still being spiritual I probably would ask questions to find out whether this was enjoying the feeling of awe when you see a beautiful horizon or the sea or feel the wind on top of a mountain or whether this is a way of saying you don’t follow religious rules that are out of touch with modern morality but you do believe in some kind of god or higher power. The first kind of spirituality’ I share and I’d enjoy sharing such moments with a life partner. The second kind just winds me up and we’d be totally incompatible. I would try to avoid ridiculing the man’s beliefs but there would not be a second date.
I hope you find someone you get on beautifully with OP and that you don’t have to endure too many painful conversations with tactless atheists.

I haven’t dated since I was a teen, but just thinking of people I know- I would class myself an atheist I suppose… I really don’t know most of my friend’s religious beliefs, except for the few who are very religious.

A PP mentioned ive definitely come across people who had read a Richard Dawkins book and were very opinionated and in my experience they were male too… but I think that’s probably more a personality type rather than a man thing? But I think it’s just a sign of someone not very respectful if they are happy and willing to trounce all over someone’s views and tell them they’re wrong on a date!

Richard Dawkins book

Yes I saw someone do a major shift in arrogant attitude towards others after reading that book. We used to be very close and literally when he bought the book and read it he completely switched.. and became very condescending in every single discussion with subtle implications that I was in need of mansplaining and educating and to be brought out of the dark ages.

It’s truly aweful and it damaged our very long term friendship

I've met the type both from atheists and religious types, certainly been more men that have 'seen the light' and feel the need to fix the rest of us, though of course there are some women like that.Also get that with a lot of other belief systems, even around things like cryptocurrencies.

I think some may experience it more with atheists, even if many aren't like that, because there are still many areas where that's seen as acceptable online, more forums where that's the thing, whereas many other belief groups have already had a long backlash from being, well, evangelical though there is still the 'new convert' effect even with atheism.

I think some can be tempered back, but if this is how they communicate... it's likely to get worse on other topics.

I've met some who think my agnosticism isn't 'far enough', they fall for the 'wishywashy' insult thrown at us. If they brought up the 'what about science' BS, I'd be tempted to paraphrase Huxley at them - he was big on science as the only acceptably framework and kinda the 'father' of modern Western agnosticism if there was one: humans within our current limits, cannot yet examine divinity within the same scientific framework we 'know' everything else, and until such a time, making a definitive statement on its nature or lack would involve 'inadequately supported positions'. Huxley went as far as to call it immoral, I'm more on the 'risky to make definitive claims with how people and power systems tend to use these type of beliefs' but exploring the possibilities if monism or naturalistic pantheism could be proven interests me.

That's the type of agnostic I am. I'm also really big on recognizing the replication crises in many academic areas, particularly in psychology and sociology but in other areas too that much of what we 'know' hasn't really been properly examined and tested -- accepting not knowing and limitations of understanding is important to me.

I know others who say they're agnostic because they "don't care" so even within the same term, it's hard to have evidence of what people actually think. No religion is even more vague, but it's fine we don't know more details as on a population level, not being part of a system of worship has meaning even if we don't get into the individual ideals.

Yeah the ones that go as far as talking about the 'sky faries' ect...I always think that their parents didn't read them stories as children and they have just grown up really bitter about it

You think atheists who are undiplomatic or derisive weren't read stories by their parents as children and have grown up bitter about that .... And that causes them to be undiplomatic, derisive atheists ...

What?

It actually seems like a good thing that these men are revealing that they are relatively intolerant atheists ... Because it shows that you're not suited to each other for a relationship, and can waste minimum time.

I know exactly the type you mean! I am an atheist myself. I dipped my toe in the 'skeptics/ humanist' world and quickly left. They think that they are so individual but basically all believe the same thing, trot out the same lines and just come across as enjoying being in a club where they like laughing at other people and feeling superior. Very little intellectual inquiry or challenging their own thinking or perspectives. Basically they are following their social-mammal-status- seeking instinct but lack the insight to realise it.

Yeah the ones that go as far as talking about the 'sky faries' ect...I always think that their parents didn't read them stories as children and they have just grown up really bitter about it

I just think rude and bigot.

@MarshmallowAra

Yeah the ones that go as far as talking about the 'sky faries' ect...I always think that their parents didn't read them stories as children and they have just grown up really bitter about it

You think atheists who are undiplomatic or derisive weren't read stories by their parents as children and have grown up bitter about that .... And that causes them to be undiplomatic, derisive atheists ...

What?

No, i was joking. I pretty much just think they are assholes.

This. I often find with atheists they are patronising and mocking. Not always, but usually, in my experience anyway.

I'm baffled by this. I'm an atheist and have friends of many different religious beliefs. None of us would dream of disparaging each other's beliefs. Spiritual belief (or lack of) is or should be, a personal thing.