No communication between dates! Would you find this odd?

[Catsgrey]

We are now on the 4th date and he never contacts me apart from sorting out a date to next meet (no sex involved at this point) strictly dating. I have tried initiating contact between dates but he says he is very busy as he has a lot on at the moment and I don't want to keep trying if that is not what he wants

I feel we will get to know each other more if we communicate between dates and I really like him so I miss speaking to him in between. On the dates he seems really interested, surely we wouldn't be up to the 4th date if he wasn't interested but the lack of communication between dates suggests to me he is not interested!

Opinions/views/suggestions all welcome. I'm really confused! Do I end it now before things go further? As I say, I really like him but obviously not enjoy the lack of contact/communication before dates.

Should I speak to him about this? How would I phrase it without sounding needy?

P.s. he is 100% single so I know that is not the reason.

@Catsgrey it sounds to me likes dating in between you. In my experience if a man is really keen they will contact you in between dates. He doesn’t have to message you all day every day at the start but to not message at all would make me think he’s not that bothered and I would move on.

It doesn't really matter why. The fact that you feel you need more communication and he doesn't is showing that you're not compatible. The beginning of a relationship should be easy and natural and develop for both of you. If it's hard work now then it's not right.
Explain to him how you feel and say for that reason you don't want to continue to date etc. Find someone it does work with.

I wouldn’t date someone like this

I don’t know if I would sit down and have a heart to heart about it after four dates. I would maybe mention in a lighthearted way next time, or initiate some communication myself. But if it carries on, yes I think it is unusual and maybe suggests he is dating a few people and doesn’t want to get people mixed up texting in between (or doesn’t have time for it).

Are you sure he's not married, wife at hom and unable to text/call

How spaced apart are the dates?

It sounds to me like he’s dating more than just you and is currently making up his mind who he’s wants to ditch and who he wants to keep.

Regardless, if it doesn’t feel right for you then it’s not right. Never, ever settle for second best

I'd love that, chatting shit over text bores me rigid and I have no wish to spend my time talking to someone I will see in a few days time. If it doesnt work for you though, that's ok and it doesn't have to mean you put up with it, just end it.

It's not necessarily anything sinister - my DH was a bit like this when we dated, he said after the first date "I'm not much of a texter" but between dates he would occasionally send me a link to an article or something he thought I'd find interesting and we'd have a conversation about it, he just has no interest in small talk via text.
I actually found it quite refreshing and meant I was more excited to meet up, because it felt like we always had loads to talk about, having not messaged for a few days.
But if it doesn't work for you then move on!

I like him too much to end it :(.

Yes definitely single.

I know he has wat too much going on at the minute and I really don't think he has much time to date others.

The dates have been around 4 days to a week apart.

It’s 4 dates, how much can you like someone after 4 dates that you “can’t end it” I’m not saying you should but 4 days is nothing, remember it won’t get better. These are the early days when he’s suppose to be showing you his best self. It’s only downhill after. So you won’t speak for a week? Hmm

@LoopTheLoops I agree, it won’t get any better.
He is showing you right now just how interested he is & after 4 dates he’s still going 4 days to a week without contacting you in between. He might be happy to date you but that’s it right now.

Unable to end it 4 dates in, with no communication and no sex yet, says more about you than him, too invested and too willing to make allowances too soon. You could lead yourself into trouble with that mindset.

It takes literally 10 seconds to send a “morning, have a good day” text. And busy or not, if he can’t spare a few minutes of getting to know you time when he is free then it’s a bit poor.
This is when he should be putting the effort in, keeping your interest up, flirting and chatting with you. As should you too.

Maybe have a couple more dates if you like him, mention it, if no change then bin him. Please don’t settle, you deserve a chap who wants to be in touch, who is willing to make the time to get to know you.

Agree with others that it’s a little worrying you’re so attached after dates and feel like you’d be devastated to “lose” him to the extent that you don’t want to end things even if he doesn’t make you happy.

That aside, somebody’s texting habits tell you nothing about their feelings towards you. You don’t have to have been on the dating scene for very long to know that there are absolute players out there who’ll message you morning, noon and night with “good morning / night, babe”, telling you how special you are and how they can’t wait to see you again, all the while sending the same crap to two or three other women; and men who seem to love messaging you but are reluctant to actually make time to see you. I’d much rather somebody who was keen to see me and seemed to be enjoying the dates, than somebody heavily invested in their phone.

He sounds a bit like me, don’t really like texting and can never find my glasses when I need them, but then I’m older
Much prefer to meet in person

How old is he? Could it be a generation thing? Maybe he just isn't big on texting and prefers to talk in person. You say you've been on 4 dates but what did you do? Did you go for a walk and chat, get to know each other?

@beefest that could be it. He is middle 40s so older than me. We have just been going to quite places where we can talk, he did say he prefers face to face talking as you can not see expressions nor pick up meaning etc via text.

I did know him prior the 4 dates albeit not extremely well, however, well enough to know he is a nice guy.

Out of sight out of mind. I’d move on.

I wouldn't like this. Go cold turkey but expect to sit in this person's company once a week to possibly build a relationship. What if you wanted to speak to him, do you feel like you can't because he's set this imaginary rule?

I find the responses on this thread very weird. You've only known him a few weeks, why the need for constant messaging. This may well have become the norm but its odd and invasive - No contact between dates this close together would have been very normal before mobile phones.

Some people don't like this need to constant communication, and in my mind that's a good thing. If you like him, just see how it goes on the dates, it's very early days.

What @RavingAnnie said.

I just don't get the need to text constantly. Unless there is something interesting and/or pertinent to communicate, what's the point? And who has got the time....

@HalzTangz

Are you sure he's not married, wife at hom and unable to text/call

my first thoughts too

No contact between dates this close together would have been very normal before mobile phones

No contact between 4 days might have been normal but I remember speaking to boyfriends on the phone between weekly dates. What happened 30 years ago isn’t really relevant though, people text and message far more frequently now - it’s the norm for many.

Definitely not married or in a relationship. If I call him he is happy to speak or so he seems to be! When we last spoke he told me whenever I'm available he will make time to see me, he's just not big on txt etc but I can call him whenever I want, this is what he told me .

????